When did the person driving you to the hospital be on 'alert' from?

[cowboylover]

I am due 15th May and just had a bust up with my husband who is due to drive me to the hospital as I said it was not a good idea from him to go to a gig drinking next weekend?

I don't think this is unreasonable? Please correct me if I'm wrong!

He said we can just get someone else to give us a lift if needed like his Mum or something but I don't think that's ok to rely on other people and that 1st babies always take ages so he would be fine by the time I needed to go in?!

Thanks all, I don't want to fall out over it but not sure how to get him to see my point?

Normal delivery dates can be anything from 14 days before due to date to 14 days after on the whole .... so if you aredue on 15th May, it really could happen any time now. I took my hospital bag around in the car with me from 2 weeks prior to my due date. Yes, first babies are often a bit late, but not for everyone. How does your DH expect to get from the gig, to you and then the hospital if you go into labour? He's being a bit of a div really isn't he?

my advice is never get yourself up the duff with a due date of 1 Jan.

particularly when you live a 45 minute drive into town (where the hospital is) and seasonal average temp is about -25 and blowing snow.

and if you happen to have a toddler who develops breathing problems at 2am after a christmas party as well, just give up and call the fire brigade.

oops, sorry, as you were, just having flashbacks to div dh's with massively pg wives in prime party season.

if it helps, we went on a skiing holiday and got back four days before my edd.

i think that we get a bit consumed by the whole impending birth thing if i'm honest, and there are very few scenarios where you wouldn't actually manage to get someone to take you to the hospital/ look after the toddler/ find out which bar dh is in/ which mountain he's skiing down etc. but i'm probably not the right person to ask. i've had three dcs and not bothered to pack a hospital bag yet. i normally just get dh to throw a few things together once i've actually given birth lol. we did take a baby car seat on holiday with us though, just in case. and damn near had to use it (ds1 arrived 24 hours after we got home

it depends on you, really. are you the mega-organised type, or the stay-flexible-and-see-what-happens type? is dh the unflappable type who could romantically flag down a passing car and blag a ride to the hospital? or is he utterly inept and would turn his cell phone off and miss the whole thing?

if it's only one evening, you'd probably be ok tbh. with the inevitable exception, most babies have a good sense of timing if you'd rather they didn't show up. the difficulty is labouring on demand though

I had the exact same arguement with my DH. In the end we agreed that he would stay below the drink-drive limit and remember to actually switch on/answer his phone from 2 weeks before my due date.

He was utterly utterly convinced that I would go overdue and be in labour for days, so he'd have plenty of warning before needing to get in the car, so just to prove I'm always right about these things DS arrived 8 days early after 3 hours after my first painful contraction

cowboy could you use a local taxi firm? I'm in a similar postition, DH likes a drink once he's finished work and i'm due 20th may. So with every ache and twinge i'm now thinking is this it. We only live 15 mins from the hospital and i have asked whether the taxi firm we use for nights out take ladies in labour and the answer was yes. It has put my mind at rest in so much i don't have to nag him not to drink and i'm not concerned that i can't get there, if i need to, if i go into labour whilst he's an hour plus away at work.

Hi cowboy

I think it depends really on whether you/he want him to be there to support you all the way through labour... if yes then he needs to make the small sacrifice of not going out (which is hardly a lot when you're the one doing all the hard work!!) - he might regret it if he misses it and its not a given that a first birth will be a slow one.

Good luck, hoping this argument doesn't come up for me!

We never got to have the discussion - DD arrived over 3 weeks early!

This time around DH will be on standby from about a month out!

In our case, there's really nobody around who could help out as we are living overseas, and my last labour was relatively fast, so we might not have to time to call friends/wait for them to come etc.

In your case, would you agree with him that he could have the night 'off' driving duty - i.e. that a family member/friend would be on standby for that evening only (maybe someone who would come and have a relaxing night in with you?)- but that he needed to stay relatively sober and keep an eye on his phone (so that he could join you in the hospital as soon as you say you are on your way in, and not be in a bad way). Best of both worlds? He gets a night out, you aren't too worried?

DH and I agreed that he would stop drinking in the evenings from 36 weeks onwards. He works away from home Mon-Thurs, so he had no problem with that, seeing that he's got a fairly long drive if I do go into labour during the week.

It was more difficult to get him to stop drinking while at home, however, i.e. Thurs-Sun! His argument, too, was that we could take a taxi or call one of our friends who is on back-up drive duty while he's away. What he didn't realise is that a) it can be very difficult to get a taxi around where we live - the local ones need to be pre-booked, as I had to find out at my cost once -, b) that I don't want to be driven to the hospital by our friends if DH is here (how embarassing would that be!) and c) I most certainly don't want him to be tipsy/drunk when I go into labour!

Just realised I made DH sound like an alcoholic - he's not, he just really likes to relax with a couple of glasses of wine, sigh...

Anyway, he's staying sober now, even though with a few grumbles and complaints (although not to loudly, because he knows I'll bite his head off!)

My OH has been banned from more than 1 beer at a time since about 2 weeks before the due date, this did cause a small disagreement. But I don't think its being unfair as I haven't been able to drink for more than 8 months. I know there are other people who could give me a lift.
Is the gig in the town where you live? If so he could go with the car and his phone in his pocket and be available if you needed him. You could also agree not to call him during the gig unless you wanted him to come home. I would be more reluctant if the gig is further away.

cowboy I am still letting DH drink in the evening (due about same time as you). I have decided that I will warn him before he cracks open the wine in the evening if I have had signs that something might happen that evening.

How about reviewing the situation nearer to the day i.e. yes he can go to the gig, but decide about if he can drink on the day depending on how you are feeling? I would hope that in your situation drinking at the gig means a couple of beers (so too much to drive, but still being sociable, and not have to wait too long to be able to drive), and not so much that he comes home totally pissed and would have to wait until the next morning to be able to drive.

Dp went on an all-nighter the week before my due date (would just have rung someone else, no big deal)
He was properly on alert only the minute I woke him at 4am and said we'd better get moving.

MY DH works away from monday moring till thursday evening, so this baby can only come friday-sunday.
My DS was 4 weeks early so for me on Friday-Sunday he won't drink more than 1 (but he doesn't tend to drink alot anyway or every weekend), when he is away he needs to be on alert to clear the motorways or arrange a helicopter to drop him off, I can get to the hospital there are plenty of fall back options for lift for me, however I don't want any of my fall back options looking at my birthing parts so DH or no one there for that.

In your situation if it was local or within a reasonable driving distance I think he would be fine to go, but he would have to limit his intake in case of emergency.

"and not so much that he comes home totally pissed and would have to wait until the next morning to be able to drive"

Totally pissed may mean driving the following morning will also leave him above the legal limit.

I will say BizzeeBee this is my 3rd pregnancy and with my previous two, my warning was that I was in active labour, I didn't have a build up feeling, just contractions and then pushing within less than an hour. Every birth is different but it isn't a bad thing to have a backup plan for situations that aren't textbook.

I get really mad about this attitude. My ex was like this and it pissed me off, because he got in a right strop about not being able to have a drink when I hadnt had one since the blue line appeared!

FFS, it is pathetic that a grown man cant agree to go one month without a beer to make sure that he can get his pg partner to hospital and then be a useful birth partner during labour. Its a few beers that they are being asked to forgo when their partners have been through 9 months of pg and all that entails, not being asked to stop breathing for 4 weeks!

I would be mad as hell at his selfish attitude, I really would, its his baby too ffs.

To be honest this wouldn't worry me - assuming he was not actually drunk and thus useless in the hospital, which I'm sure he wouldn't be - but I guess it depends how easy it is to get a taxi and whether you could afford it. So I'm with Bucharest here - no big deal. But it's down to individual attitudes I'm sure. My DH likes a drink; so do I - I'd be knocking it back if I could so I wouldn't want to stop him 'just in case', so long as he stays sensible, which is not the same as below the drink drive limit (unless it comes to driving, obv.)

nunnie backup plans if I do have to go to hospital very suddenly and DH is not here or can't drive is drive myself , taxi, friend or bus .

Thanks everyone!

He was unwilling to drive and with his mates it will probably be a heavy night!
The hospital is 30 mins from here and the gig is 40 mins in the opposite direction and hard to get taxis around here.

So we now have a plan, if I'm feeling well all day he will go or stay home if not.
If he goes my SIL is staying in with me and will pick him up and take me where ever I need.

I feel better knowing there is a plan as have been so nervous about it all, I don't deal well with suprises!

But who will be present at the birth if he is "totally pissed"? I wasn't referring to getting to hospital I was just saying that if you are totally pissed at night, you aren't legally always below the the limit in the morning.
The backup plan was in reference to a labour that comes without a warning because it does happen, it did with me, my daughter was born within 2 hours 5 minutes start to finish and I didn't get any prior warning apart from mild contractions minutes before pushing.
things don't always go to a plan, and getting totally hammered close to birth is personal choice for the father to be, but may cause more trouble than it's actually worth.

If you read my previous post I myself have to find alternative driver if I go into labour mon-thursday, so I don't think the main issue is the driving issue, it is the drunk birthing partner that my cause the problem.

OP, if you are relying on him to drive and there is no alternative to getting there, then I would suggest it is something you both have to think long and hard about as you may need to get to hospital in a rush and if he is 40 minutes away from you and then a further 30 minutes from the hospital you may need a backup plan.

Ignore that you now have a plan, all sorted then.

Plans are always good. Glad you are able to relax a little now. Good luck for the birth and hope your partner has a good gig.

Thanks nunnie and I hope you manage to labour on the weekend

Fingers crossed, but if not I hope I have a lovely midwife, as she/he will be my only company during the birth if I don't

BizzeeBee sorry think my replies are bit OTT, I missunderstood your post.

Don't worry nunnie. I thought you had misunderstood what I was trying to say. :)