Appalled by the pregnant woman bashing going on ATM.

[PeterSpanswick]

"Misbehaving mums to be", "Is breast best?", endless articles and threads about the irresponsibility of expectant mothers, young mothers, old mothers, formula feeders, rich mothers, poor mothers e.t.c. ad fin. which has sparked several conversations in real life, one during which I was criticised for going to the gym ffs and now if I do go (I'm v safe btw, have discussed pregnancy with one of the trainers and do v low impact, fitness type stuff and swimming, mostly) I don't enjoy it as I am starting to show and feel people are looking at me as though I am doing something wrong.

Most of us are pretty sensible women just muddling through a physically and emotionally difficult time of our lives, not smoking, drinking, eating McDonalds breakfasts incessantly and choosing this time to experiment with crack and could do without the very loud opinions of all these head-shaking judgy-pants' so MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX!!

Can you tell I'm feeling a little sensitive?

yes you are, but some of stuff they show are apalling! there was a 19yo pg smoking heavily who though that smoke helps the baby build a stronger heart!!!!

God, if you think head-shaking judgy-pants is bad now just wait till the little one arrives.
Your parenting skills will then be judged constantly, for the rest of your bloody life. You have to learn to ignore. Water off a ducks back and all that.

Already have a ds, don't remember the general public being so closely involved in that pregnancy! Arghh!

I mentioned elsewhere that I was secretly quite disappointed in a colleague when she smoked fairly heavily during her pregnancy but I would never dream of attacking her for it! Her baby and her choice so not my place to jump in any more than I would tackle her for smoking in general when she isn't pregnant despite not being a smoker myself.

Completely unfair that we become public property like this for these special few months!

The smoking with regards to baby's heart comment does show considerable ignorance, doesn't it! I suppose raising awareness is a good thing on many levels, just not when everyone, no matter how ill-informed, has a view on how pregnant woman should or shouldnt live their lives for this period and those of us who are already risk - conscious and doing all we can to minimise feel personally attacked by it! (Poor me emoticon).

It does highlight the need for better care and advice; where is the midwife in all of this, surely she would have discussed the smoking at the booking appointment and put any misguided notions like that out of the mum's head?

I am only 20 weeks now but I haven't really had any comments yet or no one touching me. I think that be because I am quite short tempered and most people I know they know I am likely to turn around and say 'thank you for you opinion but this is my baby and my body'.

I am really looking forward to the first comment about being a reusable using breast feeding mother....

the only comment i had was from some of BILs friends at BILS birthday dinner where me and OH were the ONLY non smokers.

It was suggested (quite seriously) i take up smoking so i have a smaller baby and therefore easier birth
lets say the comment did NOT go down well, and I said exactly why i would not be killing my baby.... wish id had already seen the programme could have added even more reasons to my quite long list!

(am 20 weeks btw)

I already have a massive cloth nappy collection, which i intend to use, and if i manage my planned homebirth, wont put baby is disposables at all. And yes i intend to breast feed too, hopefully for at least a year, so as to not need formular.

Other nice BIL was just asking about what baby food / rusks etc i plan to use, so the poor guy got the "have you ever tasted JARRED 'food'?" lecture (they do all taste the same watery yukky taste) and how i intend to feed my baby real proper food, not "baby" food, as i have done as a nanny for the past 10 years! (baby rice being an exception, and pots / jars of pure pureed fruit etc fine when out and about)

PeterSpan some people are simply ignorant, re the gymn chat with you (have even discussed exercise with my dr who says its fine to be walking about 5 miles a day), you will always have ignorant people.

As for the misbehaving mums programme, I really enjoy it and find it incredibly helpful, as overate terribly during my last pgy and I find it gives quite good tips (like making your own cereal bars using less sugar if desperate) which frankly I wouldn't have thought of myself.

I also found the bfing programme helpful as it reminded me of the problems from last time and that I really should go to the pre-classes as a must.

So, it may allow some people to be judgey, but it is being great help to me so far, even if I'm the only one benefitting from it (and I don't think I am) then its doing good. If you don't feel you are benefitting, then no need to watch.

To be fair the girls on misbehaving mums to be deserve a bit of a bashing never stop being shocked at the ignorance and lack of concern over their babies they display. Very sad that specialist midwives they feature are needed.

I get this too as I try to walk 3 miles most days- I think most people think I'm a fitness freak and am only doing it to keep weight off- but my doc is fine with it and I have read about benefits of a good fitness level in helping with labour and post labour- so why would i not want to try and make labour easier!

Was going to the gym a bit too - but the funny looks put me off!

I thought both 'Misbehaving Mums' (although I've only seen one episode) and 'Is Breast Best?' were quite helpful and balanced and not that judging really. eg. the 18 year old on misbehaving Mums who had twins but wasn't eating. I thought it was portrayed quite sensitively.

Yes, lots of people want to comment when you are pregnant, but mostly they think they are being nice - however it sounds. A woman I have never met before in a shop told me it looked like a big baby. I've also had a woman saying how the heat must be difficult, I look tired etc. They are personal comments but they clearly meant well.

Peter You need to practice two moves:

i) Saying "Fuck Off" loudly and with vigour
ii) Nodding and smiling

You know you're doing fine - why on Christ's sweet earth every man and their dog feels the need to butt in I really don't know.

I got "told off" by a colleague for having a coffee at the office.

Apparently there is currently a "baby boom" so the media have jumped on the bandwagon.

To theguy on my local coffee shop, you were sweet but I have never ordered a SKINNY decade latte in my life for the simple reason they taste like shit. STOP MESSING WITH MY LATTES!!!!!!!!!

Exercise is amazing in pregnancy!! It has sooooooo many benefits to you it's unreal! Unless you've been told to rest by your gp or midwife due to complications, exercise will actually help you in labour, more muscle power to push and a better indurence to labour! And quicker recovery after birth as your a healthy human being! And if you already have children, being pregnant, you run around like a blue arsed fly for 9 months lifting dead weights when their asleep and never get to sit down! No one ever says, sit down dear and rest your legs, let me help you! No! Just criticism!

I got asked by a woman "should you be having that?!" when I was drinking a cappuccino in a cafe and dd1 was having a milkshake. I pointed out that as it wasonly the second one I've had in my 19w pg, I don't drink alcohol and only have decaf tea at home, but I really fancied a coffee. One cup.

I felt like listing everything else I'd eaten that day - cereal, fruit, salad. Really made me cross. It's none of their business and exercise is great for getting ready for labour - wish I had the energy to go to the gym!

The thing is, so many of the things we judge people for when they are pregnant have been going on for ages, and the vast majority have gone on to deliver healthy babies. There are certain things I prefer to do/not do for my baby, and I hope this leads to a better quality life for her, but at the end of the day there is no perfect way to bring a child into this world, and no magic formula.

In some parts of the US, any women of child bearing age is considered "pre-pregnant" whether she is trying to conceive or not, and drinking alcohol is frowned upon. Hope this is not the road we are headed down!

Er it gets no better when you have kids- ever seen the feeding threads? I think that amount of media we have now and hormones making you sensitive to it prob make it seem worse.

And re exercise - it's all to te good and if you are used to it it's all to the good ( I also went to gym and dd Pilates right up to birth).

PrincessScrumpy @ the woman in the cafe!! ooooooh, I want to berate her lengthily for

1. being so ignorant that she doesnt know that NHS guidelines say that up to 200mg of caffeine a day is OK
2. having the gall to try to police the lives of other people!!!

I am hibernating for as much as this pregnancy as possible because I feel much more tetchy this time about the busy bodies. Maybe its because I am anticipating all the bump touching and unsolicited bad advice whereas the first time it was all new.

Why do you give these people the time of day? Perfecting the old up-and-down once-over of any stranger who deems to criticise you - make sure you take a good long sour Simon Cowell look at their weight/clothing/hairstyle - should be a required skill for pregnant women. A good "how dare you" facial expression should go along with it, and learning to say a few Winston Churchill-isms like "well I'll only be pregnant for a few more months but unfortunately it sounds like you'll be rude for the rest of your life" would not go amiss.

Sneer, ignore, laugh, etc. It's nobody's business and the more time you spend trying to justify yourself, hide your (absolutely fine and normal) behaviour, the more you make them feel entitled to say stuff like that, and the worse off you'll be.