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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

bump comments

10 replies

RingEir · 27/04/2011 16:41

I know this has been done before, but what is the best way to deter unwelcome commenting on bump? I share my office with a colleague who seems to be obsessed with the size of my bump, and can't seem to take the hint that I don't like it. I had to phone him today about something (he wasn't in and I hadn't seen him since before Easter) and his first comment was, 'how's the pregnancy going? Is your bump bigger?' I know it's not really a big deal, but it is getting pretty irritating, so if anyone has any advice I'd like to hear it.

We get on quite well otherwise, so I don't want to make too much of a big deal out of it.

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KittyChat · 27/04/2011 17:13

I know what you mean - it's completely harmless and well meaning but it can get irritating! One of my colleagues greets me the same way - every single day.

"Hello Kitty - how's the bump, getting bigger?"

I know he means well and is just being friendly but it makes me grind my teeth. He's known I'm pregnant since before Christmas so I guess that means he's asked me about 80 times! I usually just say "Yes thanks - how was your weekend/that client/your breakfast?"

Just try and be nice - people are just trying to make conversation and most don't really know what to say to a pregnant acquaintance!

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RingEir · 27/04/2011 17:28

Thanks Kitty you're probably right, and I'm probably paranoid, but I keep feeling there is a bit of an edge to it. He started commenting on the bump before it was even really showing, and most people hadn't noticed. Then he made a comment about me 'walking funny':) No-one else has said this, and I don't think it's true, so why is he doing it? He has also commented on how much I am eating (I had a sandwich one day at a time that I wouldn't normally) and how I'd better be careful about how much weight I put on now because it's so hard to lose later. I know his wife had major issues with her body shape during her pregnancies so maybe it's something to do with that. But it's hard not to take personally and really takes the wind out of my sails when I come into work thinking I look fine (I actually think my bump is quite neat for 26 weeks) and then get these comments. Most of my other colleagues are being lovely and saying how radiant I look etc.

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KittyChat · 27/04/2011 17:34

Oh ok - well that takes it to a different level. I would not be very patient with comments about my gait and weight and would find it very hard to be polite. Maybe he feels because he has been through it with his wife he can make such comments?

Saying that, my DP now knows to never, ever comment on a pregnant woman's body/habits other than to say she looks lovely and can he fix her a sandwich?

RingEir - can I just say you are glowing today and your bump looks lovely. :)

Original poster

RingEir · 27/04/2011 17:41

Thanks Kitty, I thought that myself when I looked in the mirror this morning wink]. You're looking very well yourself actually, unlike my colleague who is rapidly developing a middle-aged paunch. Maybe the next time I should ask him if he'd like to compare bumps for size:)

His wife is a bit of a psycho, so maybe he's saying those things to me that he could never say to her? Anyway, I guess I'll just have to rise above it. Thanks for answering:)

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theonlyhb2 · 27/04/2011 17:45

I would tell him "has anyone ever told you how annoying you are? what's the obsession with my bump, are you stalking me? do I need to inform HR?"

Thornykate · 27/04/2011 20:20

I can see why his wife had issues; if he is like this with you as a colleague imagine what he is like as a husband behind closed doors. Or maybe he has a 'thing' about pg ladies?! Stranger things have happened...

Seriously though i have a female friend who always has loads to say about my size, gait etc & it bugs me so it must be awful to have a male colleague do this.

BelieveInLife · 27/04/2011 20:26

I had a similar problem with a friend who commented on my bump size continuously in my first pregnancy. I was not even showing and she'd still make a nod towards my tummy and say "oooh it's getting bigger."

At around 24 weeks she made the usual comment (which was true by then!) and I just replied "yep, I think that's generally what happens when there's a baby in there"....and that was the final time that comment was made, that pregnancy or this :)

Snakeears · 27/04/2011 20:28

Someone who's been off work said 'hello fatty' - I am only 18 weeks and don't think I'm showing much - just looking a bit fat so I'm quite sensitive about it :-(

CrazyAlien06 · 27/04/2011 20:48

Hey I keep getting told how small I am! Am 17 wks and just getting a bump now. Someone even said are you sure someone is in there!

Original poster

RingEir · 27/04/2011 21:10

I think some people make the comments completely thoughtlessly, they just feel they have to say something. You're too big, too small, whatever.
In this case though, I do feel he is trying to wind me up which is why I try not to rise to the bait. Told DH (who is friends with him) who said, yes, if he said those things to his own wife she would need three months of therapy to recover (she genuinely has psychological problems). Now that I think of it though, he is always passing comments on people's physical appearance, 'she's very fat', 'she's ugly' etc. I have made it very clear that I don't approve of this and that I don't want to hear it, but he can't seem to stop himself.

Snakeears - I know how you feel, I hated that interim stage, where your normal clothes are getting too small but you are not big enough for maternity wear. But what a mean, insensitive thing to say!

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