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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling the boss - how early is too early?

18 replies

muppet3 · 04/11/2005 11:38

I'm new to this section of the site as I'm only just 5 weeks pregnant with my first. I'm feeling terrible though - fainting and bad nausea, and totally exhausted. I work in a big civil service department with a line manager who has a track record of being understanding with pregnant employees ... so the dilemma is do I a) decide it's too early to say anything, but keep having to work shorter hours and take occasional days off with 'bugs', or do I b) have a quiet word and explain all in the hope she cuts me some slack?

I'm just so scared of it all going wrong at this early stage. But I think she's a bit fed up of the way I'm dripping round the office looking like death. Advice please!

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MissChief · 04/11/2005 11:42

Congratulations! IMO, don't tell till you get passed the 12 wk scan. Instead, why don't you say you've got a medical problem/bug (get doc's note if necessary) so can't overdo it or to get time off if needed.

HandbagAddiction · 04/11/2005 11:44

Muppet3 - I can sympathise completely with this. I always took the view that if I was feeling crap and felt that as a result my performance was suffering, then I would say something. It's a particularly sensitive call for me to make as I am client based for much of the time and my clients pay £850 a day for me to be there. If I can't deliver £850's worth of work, then for the sake of my own professionalism then I would have to confess.

So bizarrely, my line manager here at the client knows I'm 11 weeks pregnant, but my own company don't know at all yet and I won't tell them until I've had my scan....

AnnaK · 04/11/2005 13:43

I had to tell my bosses sooner as I go onto contruction sites for long periods of time. About 9 weeks, I think. The thing is, and I definately subscribe to this way of thinking now, that if there is a problem (heaven forbid), you will need support. If noone knows, then you can't get any support when you might be taking several weeks off. A friend of mine lost a twin at 6 weeks and was then ordered bedrest until 13 weeks! She had to tell them.
Not wanting to be negative, sorry, and all the best for the pregnancy. Isn't feeling sick the pits...?

PrettyCandles · 04/11/2005 13:48

I was in a similar position to you, muppet3, and ended up telling only my line manager at 6w - in private and in confidence. I'm pretty sure she kept it to herself, and didn't even let on that she already knew when I then told everyone after my dating scan at 11w. It certainly made things a bit easier for me during the worst of the morning sickness and exhaustion.

Original poster

muppet3 · 04/11/2005 15:09

Thank you so much guys - that's some really good advice. Shall mull it over this weekend and consider having a quiet word next week.

And, can I just say mumsnet rocks! Where else could I get anaswers to questions like these Just knowing it's not just me helps so much. Especially when feeling like this. Thank you girls

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Rachey1969 · 04/11/2005 17:46

I'd do b) especially if she's understanding, there's no reason why anyone else needs to know. If god forbid anything did happen to you, I'm sure she would be just as understanding and you would need her support. Good luck!

beansprout · 04/11/2005 17:49

Totally agree with Rachey. I think that in many ways the first trimester is the hardest - the tiredness, sickness, perhaps worry, and none of the support. If you need support, and it's there, I say, get it. I told my (male and very squeamish) boss I was pregnant and he was and has been brilliant.

LIZS · 04/11/2005 17:58

I told mine at around 11 weeks, mainly because I wanted to book days off for appointments, scans etc

WhizzzBangWhizzz · 04/11/2005 18:01

If you do anything that is potentially hazardous to you / baby (heavy lifting, nasty chemicals etc) it is better to inform someone as soon as poss so a risk assessment can be done. One should still be done anyway - but if you are in a 'lower risk' job its not as urgent

Congrats by the way

JonesTheSteam · 04/11/2005 18:01

I had to tell my boss (male) I was pg very early on, as I bled at 5 weeks, had to come home from school, and then had to stay overnight in hospital to wait for a scan to check everything was OK.

My boss was brilliant - very supportive and helpful.

(Actually was very helpful with any personal situation - absolutely useless as a headmaster though!!!! )

shhhh · 04/11/2005 23:00

I told by boss at around 5 weeks as I was v v v ill and knew I would need time off for sickness,scans,appointments etc. However I didn't tell my work friends until I was past 12 weeks. By then they had guessed anyway! BTW I was signed off work from 6-14 weeks. (previous mc mistory)

Superblastofflips · 04/11/2005 23:41

i told my boss as soon i found out i was pg (at 3 weeks) and we both kept a secret till i was 12 weeks for my first scan - even the operations manager didnt know i was pg either so we both kept the secret well

Pixiefish · 04/11/2005 23:44

I had to tell my boss really early on as I was so ill. Ask your boss to keep it quiet and no one else need know till you'e ready

jersey · 07/11/2005 12:29

I had to tell my boss very early due to the nature of my job, and one other collegue who did the heavy lifting etc. for me when I couldn't.

alicats · 07/11/2005 14:24

I told my boss at approx. 9 weeks as I was feeling very ill and rushing to the loo, not looking too good either. But I told him in confidence and asked him not to say anything.

He didn't and nor did I until I had my 12 week scan, then it was all announced officially.

I felt this was the best way for me, but it all depends on your boss or collegues etc.

Huggs
Alicats

JJane01 · 07/11/2005 19:34

Hi Muppet3,
I started a new job mid-October at 5 weeks' pregnant and told my (male) boss. Thank God I did - in my second week I had two mornings out at hospital, and unfortunately I've now been signed off for 2/3 weeks as I ended up with ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery....

Anniek · 07/11/2005 20:09

Ironically, my male boss and my all male team all guessed I was pregnant, all down to the size of certain parts of my body....... Men didn't notice the increase requirement for toilet, the tiredness but my chest gets bigger and they all notice.

And to be fair they were all great very supportive.

Original poster

muppet3 · 08/11/2005 08:38

Well, I told my boss yesterday ... and she's over the moon for me! And without asking I got given: flexi hours of my choosing from now on, carte blanche to just come in half days some days if I'm not feeling well, the option to turn down any particularly rushed/stressful work that comes in, and I don't have to do any more on-call shifts on evenings/weekends.

I guess you could say I'm pleased I told her. She's also altered rotas etc quietly and subtly so no-one else has realised. What a star!

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