Oh, Iris, I'm sorry you're feeling so out of control over it.
Have you been given dietary guidance other than cut out the sugary stuff? Is there a diabetes midwife you can ring for advice?
As for your birth options - I know what you mean. I'm desperate to have a waterbirth, either at home (although have been kind of put off that now, as it doesn't feel right - and I go with my gut instinct with things like this!), or at hospital - and I'm worried I won't be able to have the pool at hospital, either through staff shortages or someone already being in it, or uncontrolled sugar levels (if I need insulin throughout labour, I won't be allowed to go in the water, apparently).
But that's all worst case scenario stuff, so I'm concentrating on the positive side of it. This has given me a good opportunity to get into some really good eating habits, which will hopefully last a while. And I was at greater risk of diabetes after the baby's born anyway because I have PCOS - so it's no bad thing to have this as a wake-up call. And I felt SO lousy this time last week, bloated, breathless and shattered - I cannot believe how much more energy I have now.
I prefer to be forewarned about the different options I'll have with best and worst case scenarios - but the overriding factor is that I deliver a healthy baby. Obviously I'd prefer to do that with the minimum of intervention, and I know that's possible - I just don't know if it'll be possible for me yet!
One thing my diabetes midwife said to me was that I should aim to have my sugar levels within the recommended amount. If they go over occasionally, so be it - especially with Christmas. She said people often take it too far - and I shouldn't be cutting out carbs, etc, because I'm growing a baby. It's just about eating more sensible carbs.
Not really sure if I'm helping, so I'll stop my sugar-lust ramblings Hope you are OK - and hoxtonchick, I know we must seem like total amateurs at this!