Gift suggestions for friend undergoing IVF

[rosalux]

A friend of mine is just about to start what I think is her third round of IVF. It's obviously a horrible time for her and now I know from lengthy discussions what's actually involved (I didn't appreciate half of the physical awfulness) I really want to send her something to let her know I'm thinking of her, without being intrusive or insensitive. Her operation is in about a week and I expect she'll be at home for a while afterwards. Any suggestions gratefully received.

I don't know much about ivf either, but would she like a piece of jewellery? Something small and understated, to wish her good luck?

Can't advise on more practical presents sorry.

DVDs that don't have anything to do with babies.
Flowers/pot plant...they are pretty and they make yu feel happy when you look at them
A bundle of magazines - again no babies

Honestly? I wouldn't recommend sending anything beyond a "thinking of you" card. It's such an emotional time, and some people just want to get on with it. Your friend might be totally different but I just wanted to be normal, I didn't want little gifts or to even suspect someone might feel in any tiny way sorry for me. I'm very sorry because I know that sounds harsh and you sound like a lovely friend, but just the way you've phrased your post sounds like she hasn't gone into any details with you really, and that might be entirely on purpose. I really hope it works out for her.

Just to add, if I'm totally wrong and she's much more open about it, some books are a good idea, as the waiting for the results is the hardest part!

i wouldn't expect (nor got) any gifts. Just an acknowledgement, calls to check up on me, that sort of thing would be nice. I never had any "physical awfulness" though. It's a pretty straightforward process and I think people make way too much of it.

Hi RosaLux, you sound like a very thoughtful friend!

I agree with BagofHolly that a "Thinking of You" card would be much appreciated and more than enough.

If you really want to buy her something there's a great relaxation CD from Zita West for pre- and post-embryo transfer - see www.zitawest.com/products.php?section=0 - a very thoughtful gift that shows you're taking a real interest in the IVF process. The only risk is that she may already have it!

I agree with BagofHolly that your friend won't want to think that you feel sorry for her and will probably want her life to be as normal as possible. My own experience was that the injections and procedures weren't too bad, but what really got to me was the enormous stress I and my husband were under during the process and particularly during the two week wait after the embryo transfer until the pregnancy test. On my unsuccessful cycles I blamed myself for every tiny thing I could possibly have done wrong and felt such a failure when everyone around me seemed to conceive successfully, including my other friends who also had IVF. Luckily my final attempt succeeded!

She's probably aware of the fertilityfriends.co.uk website, but if not you could point her in their direction - lots of helpful tips about diet and supplements, along with very supportive chat boards for couples going through the injections and two week wait stages.

Someone above said it, that the 2ww after is the worst bit. If she gets embryos and they're put back in (2-5 days later), then from my experience the best thing you could do is take her out for a day, especially near the end of the wait, to take her mind off things. That was hellish. Knicker checking, symptom checking (especially as all the drugs you've been on produce all the early symptoms of pregnancy as well), obsessing about every little thing.... I had a great friend who did take me out. Made a lot of difference :-)

BagofHolly is spot on. When I was going through IVF I really would not have appreciated a gift but a couple of close friends and my SIL sent cards with a few words in which touched me deeply.

Well done on being such a great friend, she will really appreciate it