Toddler and newborn- what's it really like?

[SunSoakedStone]

Youngest won't even be 2 when this one arrives. What are the pleasures and pitfalls?

Sorry, OLDEST won't even be 2!

Actually it's fine. The first six months are busy but you just get on with it - I have a 20 month gap. Just keep your expectations for what you can get done with two in tow low, remember your toddler will still get tired and relax, it really does sort itself out before your youngest turns one. :)

You'll know the cbeebies schedule inside out within a week or two.

All you need to do is make sure you are all fed, clean-ish and happy. It just takes a while to get used to the new 'normal'.

First three months of two was a killer - until the baby slept through. Then it was fine. Hard work, but you get used to it and adapt pretty quck.

IMO it's as hard as you let it be IYSWIM. I have 11 months between DDs 1 and 2 and then a 23m between DD2 and DS. It was tiring at times but it was only really for the first couple or three months (with the first two). The one benefit I got with the DDs was that DD2 did everything at the same time as DD1 - out of nappies/talking etc by 1½ as DD1 was doing and she just wanted to copy. DS was very prem so I can't really say much about that gap as he was at the hospital for so long and the other two were at nursery school by the time he came out (very handy really ). I then sensibly left a 12½ year gap between DS and DD3!!!

Just go with YOUR flow and what works for you and remember that your kitchen floor need not be sparkly and if you eat something on toast for a week then so be it. I really did find, though, that the more I got up and out and did stuff with them, the easier it was to sustain the routine.

Good luck

DD1 was just under 2 when DD2 was born, and it was OK.

DD2 wasn't in nursery/pre-school so our day to day life was actually very chilled out and relaxed. We got up and dressed when we were ready, had a leisurely breakfast and lunch before going to toddler groups in the afternoon.

I was fortunate and DD1 took an instant liking to DD2, and apart from the lack of sleep, (which, tbh, is part of the package!) it was a lovely time.

I think under 2 yr is a good gap, as people said they do similarish routines. If you get them napping at the same time midday u can have a nice break, i used to do that and miss it nowadays that my oldest doesn't nap anymore most days. Also you can easily take them to same activities stay and play etc and as the little one gets a bit bigger they will both be able to enjoy it. Maybe less jealousy than with an older gap as they are less aware and adapt quicker? and have less recollection of being the only one

My first two are 17 months apart and i didn't find it too bad at all really, of course some days will not go well but overall i have been happy with that gap. so now im expecting another one with a 20 months gap because i didn't want to leave a much bigger gap than last time, as i found that kind of age gap okay so thought best stick with it incase bigger gaps work out more tricky

best tip imo is get out the house and keep busy, that's what has worked for me. i do think i prob would have gone mad at home with them both if not gone out mix with people, keep busy and keep them active (esp the older one) so i think it will be worth getting a good double buggy even if your older one is nearer to 2, it just makes life much easier. well maybe unless you drive? but prob worth getting anyway.

good luck, i'm sure you will be fine. it's lovely to see the relationship between them when they are able to play together etc, and you don't have to wait too long to see the start of it. even when my ds2 was very very young i have pics of him staring at ds1 with looks of real admiration, so cute. and now they are 1 and 2 they chase each other round the park

I'm lurking to pick up tips too - DS will have just turned two the week before this one is due!

Same here - going to have a 17 month gap so what Firawla said is positive news!!!

My son was 21 months when my daughter was born.. he was still having 2 hour lunchtime naps when she arrived and, after the first few days of me thinking I should tidy the house etc when they were both asleep, I learnt to sleep whilst they both did and the house just looked a little bit of a mess for a while.

My son never really watched much tv until my daughter was born, but we soon learnt to love cbeebies - its educational don't you know?!! We sat and watched together for quiet time, or I read him books whilst DD slept (nice chilled activity that entertained him for hours). Also the cbeebies magazines (or peppa pig or anything like that) are great to keep toddlers occupied for a while - stories, colouring in, stickers etc.

We had (still have) a good network of friends who kept us entertained too, lots of afternoon's drinking tea with friends & their kids.

There is no denying that it is hard work at times, but totally worth it - my son & daughter now share a bedroom (ages 4 and 2) and absolutely ADORE each other, am convinced the small age gap has helped massively. Now expecting no.3, with a slightly larger gap (2.5years) between 2nd & 3rd. GOod luck, its a wonderful time that will zoom by, however tired you might feel at the time!

I have a 19mth gap between my DD and DS and it's honestly the best thing I ever did. They have the same routine and same interests. As another poster said, before they started in daycare (simply to get them to interact with others) we had a relaxed time at home. I took them to playgroups, park, activities etc when we were ready to leave the house.

It is tough until baby sleeps through the night especially if the toddler drops their daytime naps (DD did BEFORE DS was born!!), but you learn to take cat naps or as another poster said - when they sleep, leave the housework etc and put your head down!!!

DD and DS are 7 & 8 now and they are still the best of friends.

Lurking too for tips - thanks for eveyone so far - really helpful (keep em coming!!) smile. DS will be 16 months when this ones due.

easier than i though!

ds2 was 18m exactly when ds3 arrived.

they napped at same time, i changed nappies at same time, as they grew up they enjoyed same activities etc.

Get into a good routine, and agree with getting out of house, a good double buggy and don't rush your first born to 'grow up and be a big boy' too soon. Enjoy it. Its a lovely age gap.

I have ds1 who's 12, ds2 now 5 and ds3 3.5yr its gone so fast!! Expecting dd1 in July.

My DDs have a 21 month gap, it was MUCH easier than I thought. I was always busy, but standards were kept as low as possible, sometime we were not out of pjs till 10am, and it was fine.

Both still had lunchtime naps at that age, and I would snooze alongside them every day. Bliss!

They are now aged 1 and 3 and they absolutely adore each other. As soon as they finish breakfast they are off fighting playing together, it's lovely to watch.

i agree about this point nicola said - don't rush your first born to 'grow up and be a big boy' too soon.
that's prob the main thing i do regret with my 1st two, when ds2 was born ds1 seemed much older so i think i expected too much from him, like in terms of behaviour expecting him to think rationally etc. he was only 17 months which is just a baby still really, my ds2 is 16 months now and i consider him much more of a 'baby' than ds1 at that age (although prob partly to do with that ds2 cant walk..) but that is something i want to do differently with having this one, not to expect too much of the others and remember they are still only young themselves, even my ds1 is still only 2 so this time i would rather remember more that the older ones like to be babied a bit at times and not to always expect too much from them

That is all so encouraging. Just found out that we'll be expecting baby 2 when dd1 is 19 months....and pretty much on Xmas day, so our house will be in a bit of turmoil, especially since I have much older step kids too. Tbh I was panicking slightly when found out

Btw dd1 is still feeding, when should I try to stop this?

My son was only 13 months when my daughter was born! And he was a young 13 months if you get me (couldn't walk yet/feed himself etc). It was hard work at first but you do get used to it and it quickly becomes second nature. Get yourself a decent double buggy (our first one was insanely heavy, not good or the early post-partum days!) and try to get out and about as much as you feel able. It really helped me to get out of the house! Also, don't worry too much about housework, getting dressed etc. Just do what is necessary, nobody in their right mind would judge for this! :o There have been days that me and the kids didn't get out of our pj's til lunchtime. Little one's don't mind as long as they're clean (nappies [bugrin]) fed, and comfy.
A good idea is to try to get them to have a nap at the same time, it's lovely to have that time out for yourself, even if it's just for half an hour or so.

My son was 2 last month and my daughter has just turned 1, they're lovely (sometimes!) together and i'm happy knowing that they will grow up together and hopefully be close :)
Good luck x

I have 22 months between my DS1 and DS2.

The toddler and newborn bit was a lot better that I expected. Busy and non stop but manageable.

It was harder a bit later on - DS1 was jealous for a while, particularly when DS2 started moving and getting his toys.

They are now nearly 2 and 4 and an absolute delight. I have to referee a bit but I can see how they are going to play together when DS2 is a little bit older. They really seem to adore each other.

I love the age gap between mine.

potato, many people who are still feeding at 12 months happily continue through pregnancy - best to look into nutrition and looking after your health the best way you can because of this particular choice, though.

i have 2 dds 18 months apart. i fed dd1 all through my pg with dd2 and for quite ome time afterwards.

i thought havin a small age gap was going to be really hard but it was not half as bad as i thought. i agree with the afternoon naps at the some time. i really miss those couple of hours not dd1 does not have a nap.

Can I just ask, aside from the tiredness, is it better when the new baby is out? I mean after birth recovery etc. I am so massive (DS2 due in 1 week, DS1 is 17mths) I can't play energetically with DS1 which he loves. I feel so physically limited.

It takes time to physically recover, but you'll get there, and yes, you will feel soooooooo much better!

Take as much rest as you can in the first 6 weeks - any nap time or chilling time that anyone offers - take it!
I think that was the biggest thing for me - recovering myself before I took on the huge task of 2 under 3.
If you are low on energy, that's when it will become difficult.
Be kind to yourself. It will pay dividends!
Good luck. And enjoy :)

So glad I found this, I'm expecting number two and there will be two years exactly between my DCs. I have been a bit down about it all, I struggled to cope after DC1 and practically hibernated for 6 months! I'm already worrying about this one and am only 10 weeks pregnant.

What are your top tips? My friend swears by wearing a sling all day and popping the baby in and out of it. Can anyone recommend a good sling?

I saw a lady with a newborn and a toddler in a highchair in a restaurant yesterday and she couldn't get the toddler out of the highchair because she was carrying the newborn. I ended up helping but it really brought it home what hard work it's going to be.

There was 19 months between my first two, and DS was in the full terrible 2 tantrum stage.
I was worried about how I would cope, but it was actually better than I thought.
You forget how much a new born sleeps ( in the day anyway)
If DD was having a bad night, I did struggle with tiredness during the day, but you learn to adapt, and just have to get on with it.
DS was a bit jealous at first, and started acting like a baby again, so we got him involved loads, and made an effort to spend just as much time with his as our new DD
I found looking after DS whilst pregnant and huge / exhausted far harder than when the DD was born.
Also, Mr Tumble on Cbeebies was my new best friend.
I said I would never put him infornt of the tele, but whilst DD was sleeping, I gave DS a snack that would take him a while to eat, put his fav program on, and just put my feet up for 10 mins!
I learnt to sack off the cleaning if not needed too!!
You will fall into a routine in a few weeks, and wont even realise.
I am now pregnant again, so will have 3 under 3's.
Yes, I am going through the same worries as you are now, so trying to give myself this advise too !!

Forgot to add, like firawla said, try to keep the oldest busy.
I tried to get out every day, walking, visiting friends, relatives.
meeting up at mums / toddlers group, park, play centre.
DD would get passed about around other mums, who wanted to cuddle a new born again, whilst DS was off running about like a mad man!
So I actually got a break!!