The deal with night nannies - advice please!

[Beesok]

I am only 14 weeks but already planning ahead ;) My DH and I seem to agree on most things baby-related except for the night nanny!

He said that unless I want to do all the night "shifts" with baby he's getting a night nanny because he is not going to be able to wake up at night. Now before the poor guy gets shafted here :) he does have an extremely stressful job (which is supporting both of us as after my maternity leave I plan to stay at home for a while or work part time) he has to wake up at 6:00 am and is rarely home before 7:00 pm so has a long day and I agreed to take over the night feeds and changes once he goes back to work.

BUT what I am annoyed about is that he feels we need her from the start even when he's on paternity leave! (He's taking 2 weeks after the birth) I tried to explain to him that I don't want him to wake up every night but maybe a few times in the 2 weeks or maybe we could split the night so he does half and I do half - I am not against a night nanny in principle but feel that those first weeks are so important for bonding with your newborn and I don't want a stranger around the house at night :( I also want baby to sleep next to our bed so not happy with someone wheeling him/her away ...............I was upset the last time we talked about it and he felt quite bad and we agreed to see how it goes :) It is our first so we have no idea really what to expect

Sorry for the long post the long post but was wondering what other's experiences were with night nannies, husbands waking up etc?
Thanks :)

Will you be breastfeeding? If so a night nanny is a bit pointless.

For the first couple of weeks, the baby and I had the bed and I did all the nightfeeds (all the feeds in fact), DP did everything else - including taking the baby out for a couple of hours at a time while I slept.

After that I continued to do all the night feeds, and got a lie-in in return. I didn't really feel that sleep deprived to be honest since if you co-sleep you don't really need to wake up properly for feeds!

Obviously if you're bottlefeeding it will be easier to share feeds, but I still wouldn't have a night nanny for the first couple of weeks.

As someone who has night nannied I agree that if you're BFing there's not much point, especially if you want baby next to your bed. I have worked with mothers where I took the baby in to feed and then back to settle them however I usually also did a bottle of EBM, or the dad did, at 11pmish having sent the mother to bed earlier in the evening. Then feeds at 1ish and 4ish were BFs ideally, although some mothers preferred a bottle for one of those and did the 11pm feed themselves, especially if they had an evening cluster feeder. Which just sort of demonstrates how you can't really predict what you'll need a night nanny to do right from the start! You may have ideas, but baby may not comply.

If you're FFing then you'll be woken by the baby anyway, disturbed by the nanny coming in, disturbed by them coming back....not very restful overall!

Better to have one come in after a few weeks, especially if your DH is on paternity leave for 2 weeks, if you feel you need one.

Also very few nannies will work every night, most do between 2 and 4 nights a week. Any more and it becomes more economical to have a full time maternity nanny!

Thanks RitaMorgan, yes, I want to breastfeed and hopefully will be able to ......I was thinking of having bottle and breast so that DH can feed the baby too but not sure if that's a good idea? Haven't looked into that yet :)

DH is pretty good about helping out - I know he will do everything around the baby too - baths, nappy changes etc and I am def. going to encourage him to spend quality time alone with baby while I ....nap :)

Just thought that waking up at night although uncomfortable is a bit "special"? I don't know maybe I'm thinking about it too much :)

Many will shoot me down but intending to start off with mixed feeding, especially in the first 8 weeks could compromise your supply. To get off to the best start it needs to be fed by you, from you, as often as possible.

Besides, a baby will likely wake and cry multiple times in the night however it's fed and wake you both, and breastfeeding you can 'get' to it quicker than formula.

I liked night feeds. It was when I was still feeding to sleep through the night at 22 months that I cut down the night feeding as I was working part time and having to delatch at 5.45 am -- cue more crying!

If you're going to introduce a bottle (breastmilk or formula) than best to wait a few weeks so your supply is established. I can't really express anyway and found it more hassle than just feeding the baby myself - didn't start doing an 11pm bottle of formula til 4 months.

Be prepared as well that in the early days you need to feed your baby a lot - at least 10 times in 24 hours - my ds often fed 15 times with feeds lasting anything from 10 minutes to an hour

I really loved those nights in the first few weeks, snuggled up with my baby! I had a laptop to watch movies while he fed, snacks and drinks on hand - it was a really lovely time feeding and dozing together. I would just try to go with the flow for the first few weeks - be prepared to do nothing but feed and sleep when the baby does. I reckon a cleaner and a load of takeaways would be better for the money - looking after the baby is the best bit, so enjoy that yourself and pay other people to do the other stuff!

my husband has a similar job and I am 26 weeks with my 2nd baby. With the first I never expected him to get up. I will be on maternity leave and can catch up on sleep when the baby does at lunchhtime etc. He has to stay fresh to make decisions and keep his job to pay the mortgage so for me its a no brainer. I can't imagine you are going to want a stranger in your house but I do know someone who had a nurse for the first few weeks and was more than happy with the arrangement.

I'd park the idea of having a night nanny to one side for the moment.

Instead, I'd suggest that you and your DH think about possible sleeping arrangements. Do you have a spare room that your DH could decamp into if he feels the need for uninterrupted sleep? If not, do you have some space that you could temporarily convert to a sleeping space?

If you are BFing, have the baby in your room and are even thinking about things like feeding while laying down, then the key thing is for you and the baby to be able to muddle through the night. You might be walking round the room rocking the baby, singing etc. You might find that you want to stay napping in bed for longer in the morning etc. It eases the pressure enormously if you can do what you need to do, without worrying about waking your DH.

I can understand that your DH is worried about his ability to cope at work with a small baby, but he seems to be anticipating that you won't be able to cope either - which seems a bit OTT. Most BFing mums cope, it might be hard but they do cope, without the need for night nannies.

I have to agree with the above posts. You should be fine to cope with the feeding / waking on your own especially if breastfeeding - there's no point in him getting up too. I definitely wouldn't want to have someone else doing this job for me - I think that would be extremely stressful especially during the important early bonding time.

We have DC3 coming along in next few weeks. I will exclusively breastfeed, especially for the first 6 weeks or so and will therefore be doing the night shits myself anyway (and then coping with getting 2 kids of to school / nursery single handedly). The nights are hard with a newborn, but as it's your first you'll be able to catch up on sleep during the day.

My DH is also in a stressful, long day job, but it's unlikely he'll be disturbed by newborn. If he is, then he can sleep elsewhere for a bit.

"be doing the night shits myself anyway"

childbirth, it's a bitch, isn't it.

I totally second Piprabbit - this is a sleeping arrangements issue. If you want the baby in with you then whether you have a night nanny or not your OH will get woken if he's in the same room too.

I think most people don't expect their OH to get up in the night if they have work the next day. Maybe you should reassure him of that.

I've got number 3 on the way and I'll be feeding through the night and no doubt getting the older two up and off to school the next morning - you catch up on your sleep where and when you can

Good luck

I really dont see any need for nightnany at all, I know you'r worried because its you first, i was in maternity leave with my first, my husband was working, and i did it, I am sure you will, if your breastfeeding, its bettre to leave your baby with next to your bed, and just weakup and feedhim/her, your husband doesnt need to weakup, the baby will pick up the routine, nightnany is waist of time and money, try for the first weeks, and you will see, time flyby, and you will just remenber it, my first baby is 2years, and i am 26weeks pregnant with second, i cant wait to start it again, its really nice mother feeling.
good luck.

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for all the responses and input! Am planning to breastfeed for at least 6 months and tbh haven't dicussed the details yet so all my comments about adding a bottle of expressed milk etc need to be taken with a pinch of salt as I have no clue what I'm talking about ;)

Re sleeping arrangements - I guess it's not a bad idea when DH returns to work and fortunately we do have a spare bedroom which will eventually be baby's room but for the first few months I want him/her in ours so DH can easily sleep in the other room.

I am actually quite relieved by all your positive comments! I think it's just one of those things you "worry" about but get on with it once you actually are in the situation - this is all very new for us! We are super excited and can't wait and hopefully the little bug will get into a routine quickly :)

I don't mind the prospect of night feeds as I will be off anyway and have the whole day to catch up on rest (hopefully!) am def. considering upping our cleaner's hours and will use my maternity leave to stock up the fridge so I don't have to worry about meals so thanks for the good advice!

At least you have thougth about it, I didn't really comprehend that babies need feeding in the night when I got pregnant .

I didn't know anyone that had one in my defence!

In the first few weeks, I would forget about night and day, sleep when your baby sleeps and when she's awake you can feed her. I cannot see the point of a night nanny when you are breastfeeding and co sleeping.

A lot of tosh is talked about disturbed nights. Yes they are a problem for a minority of mums but the majority of us deal with them quite well. You get used to them . A baby who co -sleeps and is breastfed will usually sleep very well with it's mum. It may well wake a few times for feeding but will usually go straight back to sleep. Babies instinctively dislike sleeping in moses baskets and by themselves in cots and this is where disturbed nights become a problem.

I would put your DH in the spare room for a few months and as clearly, money is no problem for you, get a decent cleaner/housekeeper in to do all your cleaning and cooking so you can concentrate on your baby.

hmm don't get a night nanny unless you really need one. I breastfed until approx 9/10 months and can say do not start off wanting to add a bottle or your supply will go haywire, just exclusive breastfeed if that's what you want to do

Babies aren't that bad really, the first couple weeks are exhausting but then it all clicks and actually your baby might sleep through the night pretty early on, or do the nice thing where they wake up for feeds and then go back to sleep. Night nanny is a waste of money imo unless you yourself have to be up at 6am to work. Congratulations- don't overthink it, just see how it goes when baby arrives.

Mixed feeding is one of those things which seems like a good idea before you start but then when you actually do it turns out to be much less practical than you think. In some ways it's the worst of both worlds (rather than best of both). It is a viable option in some situations, and there are ways to make it work, but it's much more work than solely breastfeeding if that is going well.

There are so many other ways for dads to bond or other ways for people to help you out that you might decide it's not worth the extra hassle anyway! I used to get DS' dad to do all the baths - they would get in together which helped as DS hated his baby bath. It was great as they had a special activity which was "theirs", was a good opportunity for skin-to-skin contact which helps bonding, and I could either sit there and take part by watching, or it bought me half an hour or so of uninterrupted time to relax :)

Oh and I completely forgot what I meant to say about nannies - I'd leave it. If you co-sleep and/or use a bedside cot you barely have to wake up to feed anyway and if you expect to get no sleep, then any amount will be a bonus agree with be prepared to sleep when the baby does during the day.

not to hijack and confuse you further but I totally disagree with the above posts about mix feeding. I did it from birth for various reasons and it meant DP and I were able to be very flexible about who did which feeds and when. Regular expressing meant I was able to supply enough milk for the bf I WAS doing and DS never had any problem going from breast to bottle. As others have said it really is one of those things that you have to feel your way through and if your DH is off for the first two weeks, you can do the majority of the nights and he can hold the fort during the day when baby is asleep or ALSO feed if you express. best of luck

I didn't have any milk come in, although had wanted to BF, FF from the word go. DH used to do the 'late' feeds and I'd do the night ones, having got an early night - we coped fine, so whichever way you look at it, I'm sure you'd be fine and I'd share your anxieties with having someone else in the house at the special time.

Hi beesok, congratulations on your BFP ! I was on jue in june with you and also had to leave.... I have namechanged. Sorry no advise on the night nanny thing except the nights really aren't as bad as you think, I have survived 2 and going back for more! well with luck.........

For what it is worth, I do think that your DH should support you with night-time babycare during his paternity leave. He is the baby's father and it is all new to you during those first few days, so you may well need his help at times - even just emotional support.

For example, I had an emergency c-section and found the recovery quite difficult with infections etc, so needed his help with night time nappy changing, lifting our son in and out of the moses basket etc.

Once he went back to work then I did handle all the night time waking. Even though I was feeding 2 or 3 times a night, it was fine - I was breastfeeding and he pretty much fed and went back to sleep. Also, the magic thing is that your own sleeping patterns adapt to the broken sleep - I don't know how this works, but it does.

Another thing to consider is a bedside cot - it fits close to your bed and has a side missing so your baby is sleeping with you but in their own little space.

Hi Wormshuffler and thanks!! Hope you are doing well!

moomaa I suffer from a bit of OCD hahahaha am thinking about everything except the actual birth - that I am leaving till a bit later ;)

BranchingOut, Pootletrinket, trixie, BertieBotts, Vinestein Tryharder thanks for all your input! I know BF is something that I wil have to work my way through - I do hope I will be able to as I really want to for many reasons but I know my mum couldn't for example so we'll see how things go. I guess like you all said it is one of those things that you need to figure out for yourself and see what works for a particular family/baby.
Def. want a bedside cot - found a nice looking one with wheels so I can take it around the house with disturbing the baby and I like the idea of baby baths with daddy - my husband is addicted to baths and take one a few times a week so that will not be a problem :) I'll just pop the baby in there and let them get on with it :)

My husband def. wants to participate as much as possible in taking care of the baby but I guess he is just clueless about what to expect (as am I!) and I think he is quite stressed at work so the perspective of lack of sleep puts pressure on him - I do see the point in a way - after all I get to do what I want (work or not) and have the whole day to catch up on a bit of sleep while he is at work, esp. painful on winter mornings (baby due in Oct). But I think we will be fine! I am going to leave the night nanny for now and see how it goes - def. prefer to spend my money on a cleaner! :)

Well done, cleaner would be money well spent.

Just a note, I was GUTTED at not being able to BF; felt a lot of pressure from a lot of people that I was letting baby down; 4.5 years on and with #2 (hopefully) imminent, I'm not at all bothered about it, DD is robust, healthy, tall and has never needed antibiotics!! Just thought I'd share, if you're unable to, it's not the end of the world! Good luck