i dont want to know babies gender dh does

[jimmijam]

hi
in person this would be much harder 2 say, but as on here no-one knows its me i can say it...
after the birth of our ds, our 2nd child, it took me a long time-possible a few months to 'connect' with him and feel for him what i did for our dd when she was born-though i do love him 2 bits now and would do anything for him
but
this time around i want 2 do what i can 2 try and prevent the same from happening again if theres a chance it may be at all possible, by trying to do a few things differently from how they were last time around.
one of these things being not to find out the gender (tho i know it depends on babies position when we have the scan as to wehter or not anyone could tell anyway), in the hope that the suprise may make it all more exciting. dh knows how i felt after ds was born, and i have explained to him why i dont want to find out babies gender this time around, but he has said he wants 2 find out, and that he'd keep it secret-but he's the worst preson for keeping secrets.
today our boss said 2 me my dh "is going 2 find out, and im sure he'll tell everyone at work and that someone who doesnt know you dont want 2 find out would tell you by mistake" i didnt let it out but inside it really upset me.
scan is on tuesday, if i ask the sonogropher not to tell us/let us see and that i dont want dh 2 know, but he tells her he does want 2 know, do u think she would hide it from both of us or that she would tell him?
im not sure if any of this makes sense, but needed to let it out

You can get the ob/gyn to write it down and put it in an envelope for him, maybe?

Best of luck. Though I have doubts knowing the gender would affect things materially, fair game to want some control over the next situation -- and your husband should take that into account and not be overbearing.

congrats and good luck.

Plus, you could see it as a compromise. He gets what he wants (to find out) and in return he promises to keep the secret.

Ideal world, and all that, but don't necessarily believe the work gossips.

And, in time, you'll find out anyway and it won't necessarily be a repeat of your second. There are so many deep and intertwined processes and thoughts going on that just one factor (knowing the gender in advance, for example) is unlikely to derail things.

at my scan, the sonographer wouldn't tell H even though he wanted to know and i didn't. they said that they had a policy that they would only tell if the mother wanted to know and, obviously, only if they could see (presumably to do with other scenarios we don't really want to consider).

At our hospital they will only tell you the sex of your baby if the mother wants to know.

Go private then

? we're not going private, as i dont feel theres any need.
i know this one thing won't change any outcome at the end, but as otchayaniye said, i suppose i just want to feel some control over the situation and feel that im actively doing what i can (finding out gender not being the only thing) to prevent it from happening again.
thanks wishiwasrimahorton and bikerunski hope its the same at our hospital :-) dh is just excited. with our 1st they couldnt tell because she kept her legs crossed, hopefuly this little un will be the same, the he/she is a right little mover so perhaps not.
wishiwasrimahorton hope your dh didnt mind afterwards and was just revelling in the excitement of seeing little un on the screen :-)

jimmijam we were in a similar position, and in the end decided that I wouldn't find out at the scan, and asked the sonographer to write it on a little piece of paper.
My husband who really wanted to find out looked at the paper, then destroyed it. I have never been tempted to find out, so I never asked him. He's kept it secret for 20 weeks now, and I'm really excited to find out for myself very very soon.
We've picked names for boy and girl (husband has been really good here, too), and haven't really bought any new stuff.. a lot of our newborn stuff from DS was unisex anyway, and it'll be fun to buy once baby is here.
we like our arrangement and it has worked amazingly for us.

No no, just go for a private scan perhaps? I didn't mean switch HCP.

Or do what Ivy suggested, not saying to them that you don't want to know, just that you're not sure you want to know.

i love the idea of dh having it written down on a piece of papaer but know what he's like, he does 2 and has admitted that he wouldnt be able 2 keep it secret-he'd go out and but blue/pink things, tell other ppl and give me huge hints :-(
i've already filled a huge drawer with white and other unisex clothes and sleeping bags, not ready for them 2 b joined by boy or girl clothes

quite comforting to hear i'm not the only one, thankyou