Building a group of mum2 be friends...Should I attend nct classes just to get some mummy friends? Are they worth the cost? Please give your experiences!

[JimmyChoo17]

Hi ladies

In my area only two x 2 hour sessions are offered on the nhs and they are not rated very highly either. Also people have said that they are very busy and you don't get a chance to mix with the other couples.

To do an nct paid class I would be looking at paying between 150-180 for them. Really I am doing them more for the social side of things as I don't have anyone I know to mix with once baby arrives. I guess I'm scared all of a sudden I'm going to be faced with a lovely baby BUT be all alone other than forums! Ok I have hubby but I am sure bouncing experiences, off of a network of ladies in a similar boat would be more useful. Most of my friends dont even have kids or they have older kids.

So wondering what other people did in a similar situation to mine? also worried will fork out that money and either not find a network of mummies or even worse dislike the people I am faced with!

There is of course the added bonus of the course content but still that's not really my motive for contemplating joining these classes.

I'm 29 and a first time mum who is normally very social but this is a whole new ball game!! All seems a bit daunting and can either picture me not having mums to talk to or mums who are in a later and different stage with their kids (judging how they have been with me during pregnancy!)

I have read that some people find that they get an invaluable support group of mums as a result of these courses who they then meet up with, even if just to maintain their sanity as new mums!

Please provide your experiences and opinions ladies! Thanks :-)

Your health visitor should be able to put you in touch with other first time /new mums. Alternatively once you have your dc, go along to mother and baby groups - usually advertsed at your local libary/health centre. GP surgeries usually have bi-weekly weigh-ins where new mums tend to congregate, looking for friends and support. If you are outwardgoing you should have no problem creating a network of friends in rl/
.

Once you have your dc there are a whole raft of possible activites including baby massage and swimming, at a cost obviously.

I wouldn't have had any kind of social life for the first year of my dd's life if it hadn't be for my Nct friends. I lived in an area where none of my rl friends were (and anyway, they all had babies much younger than me). I gave up work and became a sahm. Without the people I met at Nct and breastfeeding clinic I would have been totally alone!

It worked for me! Me and my NCT friends (4 of the original 8 - we get together at least once or twice/week) often joke that we paid for each other!! Even though you meet so many people on the mummy circuit at groups and classes etc, and I do meet up with some of them occasionally, my NCT buddies are definitely a closer set of friends, maybe because we met before the babies were born and ventured into the world of public bfing and going to groups etc together.

I met all my friends at baby clinic as I worked full time upto the birth of my first dc. I couldn't afford NCT but after having my first dc i went along to a meeting with a friend. I really didn't get on with them but that might be because they seemed to be a particulalry snobby/judgey lot imo. (before I'm flamed for this, I'm not saying all NCT groups are like this, and it might have been just my own insecurities because they all knew each other and weren't interested in talking to me)

I live in a quite rural area and our initial NCT group was really spread out. I'm not in touch with any of them now though bumped into a couple when looking at secondary schools. However I am still in touch with the friends that I met at NCT coffee groups, in fact met up with them today and our children are now 11 years old! Maybe check whether your local NCT holds NCT coffee mornings.

Hi
Another NCT success story here, I have some extremely close friends nearly 4 years after our first class. As someone else says, there is that kind of solidarity between us in that we did everything at the same time!
BUT - we all have other friends who weren't in the NCT group who also regularly join us, so it's not as though they missed out. I also agree it depends on the area, we are all within about 20 minutes of each other which makes things much easier - I have other friends not in this area who did NCT and they were miles away from each other so didn't ever really "get it" in the same way.
It is also going to depend loads on the group. We are really lucky in that we are close but we also don't have any "militant" type people, e.g. we couldn't care less that one of our group chose to formula feed, they all laughed about the fact I co-slept for ages and ages but didn't tell me I was wrong - I think we have been there for each other rather than been really competitive. I am also one of the 7/8 mums who went back to work so I have found that supportive too - I don't know what the SAHM feels but again I feel we have all just been happy for her and there is no resentment or snide comments etc so hope she would feel the same. However one of my other friends who's son is 6 months older found she was the only working mum, and that meant she got left out of meet-ups etc.. really it is all going to boil down to particular circumstances.
Presumably there is a local NCT group then? i.e. who arrange Nearly New Sales etc? Because I would encourage you to make contact with them too, they will be able to tell you about coffee mornings etc.

I don't really know what my conclusion is - I agree don't expect too much out of the classes, I am thrilled I have made such great friends, but paying the £180 isn't a guarantee I'm afraid!

Good luck

there is a sort of unspoken snobbery about NCT groups in that you will meet a 'nice' pool of potential friends, all of whom have the disposable income to be able to afford the classes - it is a sort of filter for middle class people to find other middle clas people and works very well if thats what you want

It worked for me too! I didn't hit it off with everyone in the group but I made a couple of good friends that really helped me get through the first year as a SAHM (I am still in close contact with one five years on and even though I have moved out of the area)

Over time I gradually extended my social circle through attending mum and baby groups etc but it was great to have some fellow first time mums to talk to from the very beginning.

On our course our NCT teacher even organised two post-baby reunions (one at her house and the second at one couple's house) which really helped to get friendships off the ground. They were also very useful 'de-briefing' sessions where everyone got a chance to talk about their birth experiences, any problems they were having with feeding and the like (many of us shared a tear or two). I'm not sure if the NHS course does anything like this as I couldn't get on to one.

The NCT course also provides a chance for the dads to meet some fellow first-time dads too.

I didn't know what NCT was, and just googled it! Laughing to see it's "the UK's biggest parenting CHARITY!!! Yet charging £144 for a course in my area!

Seem's really pricey!

JimmyChoo you mentioned NHS courses, has any one else attended these, and had a better eperience than JimmyChoo mentions??

Hello
Cant really comment yet, but am new to this area (moved 250 miles 12 months ago) and have booked onto NCT courses JUST to meet some mummies with babies same age as mine.

Have nannied for 10 years, but still got no more clue than anyone else about birth / breast feeding / baby care in the very early days

Another NCT success story here, 7 out of the 8 of us are still in touch 2.5 years on with plenty of laughter & tears along the way.

Personally, I didn't learn much on the course (I read alot of books!) but it was interesting & useful to discuss things with the others. DH never quite got round to reading any of the books so the course was really useful to him & helped hammer home him understand a bit more about what he could do to help!!

I have made a few friends at baby/toddler classes, but it is hard work when they don't include time for chatting at the beginning or end of the class. I also find that alot of people go along to them to meet up with their existing friends & so aren't always interested in talking to anyone else.

Hi I decided to do a Hypnobirthing course and wasn't prepared to fork out for NCT on top of that, hence I went to NHS ante natal classes. 3x 2hr sessions. Didn't expect much and they were not bad although I felt the midwife running it was a little negative about birth (sample quote: "you will know they are real contractions as they will REALLY hurt") which went right against what I was trying to do with the positive attitudes/Hypnobirthing stuff.

There was a separate 3hr breastfeeding workshop on top of that so i guess they were quite thorough.

ANYWAY I digress, what I was going to say was that the classes themselves were not very sociable really and everyone was tired as they were in the evenings after work... also there were only 3 sessions so not like a long course, where you see the same people each week and eventually start chatting amongst yourselves.

Having said that, in the last session the midwife in charge got everyone to put their email on a list and then asked for a volunteer in case people wanted to meet up afterwards. Everyone was a bit sheepish and kept quiet but one brave girl volunteered, and set up a meeting a couple of weeks later. Out of about 20 girls who attended the classes probably about 10 turned up, things gradually evolved and we have ended up a "hardcore" of 6 or 7 who still meet up now - our babies are soon to be 2 years old! We met every single week in the same park cafe all through our year of maternity leave and were all really grateful for the support and structure that it gave us.

Like any group of people who are thrown together, you won't magically be best buddies with everyone you meet this way, but things evolve organically and those who get on best with will end up gravitating towards each other. It's like when you go to a new school, or uni, everyone is making an effort to make friends because they know it will benefit them and they are all in the same boat.
After you all go back to work it's a lot harder to stay in touch but by then you know who you like and who is worth making an effort to see!!

So in summary, I think you should definitely go to some sort of class as it's the shortest route to find some likely candidates for baby buddies, but don't write off the NHS ones as I found lots of lovely ladies through them! NCT does cost a lot and it's not essential just to find friends.

Staceroo, just to clarify - NCT is very much a charity. Running antenatel classes is only a tiny bit of what it does (although like any other charity it does need to raise money). It provides support for new parents and runs e.g. support groups, new baby groups etc etc.

I would add here that if you aren't able to afford the £144, reduced fees are available in cases of genuine hardship.

Sorry if I sound defensive but I spend a lot of time doing volunteering work for them, and the implication that it isn't really a charity is slightly irritating

I'm still good friends with 3 NCT folk and sporadically see the rest of them.

For the info and support they provided it was well worth the money for me. I felt really prepared for birth. They'd covered C-sec (leader was a midwife) so wehn i had an emergency one instead of my homebirth I was totally calm and prepared.

I went to an NCT class especially as it was recommended to make friends. We got on OK with the other attendees but no-one we would make a good friendship with. To be honest, most of them did come across as a bit snobby and we felt out of place. We also went to the hospital classes which were the opposite end of the spectrum - really packed and hurried so no chance to chat. I'm hoping to meet mums in groups after the birth.

Apologies grubbalo, I ddn't mean to cause offence, but like I said I hadn't heard of nct until I read this post. I don't qualify for any financial help with things like that, but still doesn't mean I can afford it! Have 6 months to turn our house intoi something suitable for a baby as it's not been decorated for 40 years! So every penny we have is going on new carpets etc!

OP I think I'll be sticking to the nhs classes, and mums and babies classes etc! I'm also going to try swimming classes!

Just by the by, if you are on a low income you pay reduced fees for the NCT classes. IIRC we paid £24 (£2 for every £1000 of income).

a couple of my MUMS best freinds are people she met at NCT..... about 30 years ago now!
Now only 2 of them actually live nearby (ie havent moved to a different area of the country) BUT they are still freinds, and have weekends away together etc, and meet up at the 'big' birthday parties.

I am facebook friends with several of the children in our group, although not really seen most of them regularly since toddler group!

NCT often run pre- and post-natal groups called Bumps & Babes precisely to help new mums and mums-to-be get to know each other. The cost is usually nominal, just to cover drinks and snacks, and they often meet in peoples' homes. It's smaller and more friendship-oriented than playgroups. Contact the NCT to find out who your local area co-ordinator is, and call her to find out more. You don't need to be a member of the NCT to attend.

As for the courses, I did not make any long-term friends there, but dh and i found the course invaluable when we had to stand up for ourselves during my first labour. We also met up every week for the first year afterwards, and these meetings were a complete life-saver for me as I was battling through PND.

I am going to find out what classes and groups are available locally first before deciding...there seems to be some good stories here tho so I am considering joining them still. The reunions are at an extra cost too. Suppose u could always arrange a free get together if you meet some good mates!

My friends that have done them are in no way snobbish nor would any of them splurge on things like this so I would be hopeful that I wouldn't get any of that locally. I wouldn't class myself as snobbish either nor able to spare the ££££. must say hubby doesn't like the fact I'm thinking about spending it! should be putting money towards my sensible family car purchase...mmmmmmm...

I will be returning to work after a year so I wouldn't have the chance to meet up in the week then either.

My close friends are not so close since falling pregnant so am really aware that this baby will make or break a few friendships. They are just not in my situation and even think I am too young for babies!! (I'm 29!).

Forums are great for support but I imagine when things are getting on top of you as a new mum that support network would be invaluable.

Just wanted to trash NHS classes as I have been to those but not NTC.

Admittedly I signed up late so had little choice of what we could attend but ended up going to a very full one day course (Kingston Hospital) I learned nothing that I hadnt already read about and made zero friends! Everybody there seemed to be there for getting instruction and not to meet other people and there wasnt really a chance to socialise in any part of the course. I also thought the midwife running it was tired and bored and could barely be bothered to answer our questions, we werent allowed to look at the midwife led unit/ labour ward or any other part of the hospital and it all felt like an enormous waste of time!

Hopefully someone else will provide their opinion of NHS classes too - this is obviously a bit one sided - perhaps they are not all like that?

I have made many mummy friends down the park, but to be honest wish I had a wider pool to chose from. There are no NTC classes where I live now in Costa Rica, and I am sorry about that (on baby number 2 now). So many of my UK friends seem to have NTC Friends, it makes me

My NHS classes were massive, and useful really only for the look-round session at the hospital. Different people attended each evening (there were 3) and very little useful info was given out, no time was really set aside for chatting and too many people to know who to strike upconvos with. I am still vaguely in touch with a couple of people who were there, but only because I met them at the Children's Centre after DD was born.

There are some alternatives to NCT - just google antenatal classes + your area and see what comes up. I couldn't get into an NCT class as they were all booked up (live in North London yummy mummy belt...), but I did a class run by an ex NCT teacher. Class itself didn't teach me much but I am still in touch with the group and very good friends with a couple of them. Yes there are plenty of other ways to make friends but it's so nice to have a ready made group of 6 or 7 people and it means there's always someone about to meet up for a chat in those grim early months.