4 kids??

[Claire129]

Hi, just wondered what peoples opinions are of big families. I know I shouldnt care what people think and I should only care about what me and my dh think but in todays society I cant help but wonder. I am considering having a fourth child, I work part time and would continue to do so my dh works full time and I have a 10 year old, 8 year old and a 4 year old. Is having a fourth child looked down upon and what would people think. Am I being shallow, I just would l,ike some honest opinions. Oh and I am nearly 30 does that come into it??

I'm 32 and having my first so age has nothing to do with it!
There is nothing wrong with having a big family. One of my oldest friends, also 32, has seven children.
I think it's fine if you are both working full time to support your children.
Get going on number four! x

I also think it is fine as long as you are supporting them. Do what you think is best and don't listen to naysayers.

I dont have any opinion at all if Im honest. I doubt most would so I wouldnt let this bother you/ give it another thought/ let others opinions be a deciding factor.

I would be very suprised if anyone "looked down" on you for having a fourth child - particulary when you and your dh work so are supporting them yourselves. Its no ones business (shrugs).

Also, your 29 - definately not to old!!!.

If Im completely honest, Im a bit that your so bothered by what others think. You and your dh are both adults, its up to you.

I'm due to give birth to my 4th in 3 weeks time (I'm 32)! I couldn't care less what other people think to be honest. We both work, have our own home that can accommodate 4 children and 2 adults comfortably. We rely on no-one but ourselves. If you can look after them financially and emotionally then have as many kids as you like. I am one of two and always wanted more then 2 which is just as well as my 2nd pregnancy was twins!

I'm 32 and due to have #4 in July. TBH, what other people thought featured v low on my list of worries. But attitudes have really surprised me.

• the 'was it planned' question is more frequently asked
• the 'are you mad' question is more frequently asked
• I was asked by one lady why we were having another when we'd already got a mixture (2 x dd, 1 x ds)
• I was told by one lady recently that she didn't believe it was planned and that she bet my DH had wanted to terminate

However, I manage to shake off all the comments and am v happy to be having #4. Mine are 13,11 & 4 BTW.

If you want to do it, then do so.

Big families are great, I'd be TTC like a shot if I was in your position, I had my first at 33 and am now on my 3rd...talk of a 4th is not completely out of the window but we need to have this one first. Have you looked on the 'larger families' section on MN?

oh god, am sick of 'other people' and their thoughts! I'm 20 (baby was a happy unplanned incident :). I look young for my age, but have been with my boyfriend for years. We're not getting a penny off the government because he's an accountant. But if i actually cared what all the women in pregnancy aquenaetal i go to (with their petrol guzzling 4x4's to cart their darlings around incase there's a bomb on the way to school) then i would have crawled into a hole by now!
4's not even many! and 30's not old!!! Get a grip!

Marie you sound like the person I wish I had been at that age. I was 19 when dd1 was born, v unplanned but v happy once DH and I had got over the shock. I lived in prime home counties territory where everyone's baby was a real PFB. I cried to my HV that all my 'friends' had babies who lived in lovely centrally-heated, double-glazed houses whilst mine lived in a slightly grotty flat with storage heaters and def NO double glazing. She was lovely and v kindly told me that my child would prob be the healthiest of the lot. She was. And is the healthiest of my lot, the rest of whom were born by the time we had both the above things!

My biggest regret though is that I didn't challenge what I'm sure was abuse because at the time I thought as the woman was 40ish and wealthy she was a better mum than I was, at 19 and skint.

Happily I'm far more gobby self assured nowadays!

who cares what people think, anyway 4 is not an abnormal amount of kids to have, plenty of people do so if you want to then why not?

Hello everyone! I'm 34 and have 3 kids (5,3,2). I left the possibility of #4 in the air but didnt plan to have it real soon maybe in 2 years or so. But I think I might be pregnant (will find out in the weekend). It wasnt planned at all but if I am will be a most loved pregnancy. I dont care what people think but family is a different matter. I live overseas and far form my family so they worry a lot about me cos my DH's family is of not help at all and dont really want me having another child. Im really up to it but hate the talk and the ugly looks. I tell u Claire if is what u feel like go for it. U might regret it one day if didnt happen. Being a mum is definitely the most beautiful thing in the world.

I am amazed that anyone would think anything negative about you having a large family.

I honestly wouldn't think anything of it. Maybe just that you might be some kind of superwoman!

Do whatever you want to do and good luck to you.

I think that in society today big families are becoming less and less due to choice and finance. I am 33 years old divorced with two boys aged 10 and 9, I met my partner last year and he has three children 3, 6 and 10 from his previous marriage/relationship. Our baby is due in three weeks time, I have just finished work on mat leave and pondering whether to return if finance permits and he has a very sucessful career. most people go "six kids!" omg!!, etc, etc. But we love it, they all have their own individual personalities, likes and dislikes, and in many ways it has really grounded us. I think people have forgotten the joy and fun family can bring (if that is what you want of course). We love it and would not change it for all the tea in China!! Good luck and be happy :)

I had 4 by 27

I am 32 and 28weeks pg with #4, my others are 10, 7 and very nearly 4!

I have had quite a lot of 'was it planned' and 'are you mad/you're very brave' type comments but nothing nasty. I don't think my mum was too impressed but then she has very little to do with the 3 dc I have already so I don't see how another one affects her! I know quite a lot of people with 4 dc, in fact I think I probably know more people with 3+ dc than with 2 or less.

I have to say I did wonder about the being a mum to 4 children thing, I wondered if it made me a very mumsy/homely kind of person, if it would somehow define me. But then I remembered I don't really care what people think! There will be some people who look down on larger families, but there are other people who look down on families with just 1 child. And SAHM or WOHM, or Bf or ff. There will always be someone who looks down on you for something.

I wasn't 100% sure about having a 4th dc, I went through stages of thinking I'd just stick with 3 but the broodiness just didn't go away and I decided if I was going to do it I wanted to do it now before the age gap got too big and I got much older (not a judgement on other people by the way just that I've been either pregnant or raising a baby or toddler constantly since I was 21 and don't want to spread it out any further iyswim). As I said to my dp I couldn't see me ever regretting having another baby (not for more than 5 mins when thoroughly stressed out anyway ) but I can imagine regretting not having one.

Hi Claire, I could have written your post almost identically!
I'm 26 and AF is late, should've been here Saturday. I've had +ve and -ve tests, which is utterly infuriating!! If I am pregnant this will be my 4th baby - others are 6yo, almost 5yo, and 9m.

It's been crossing my mind what other people will think as it was planned at all ( withdrawal and condoms used simultaneously).

I don't care enough to let them bother me :)

Go for it....I imagine if you don't then you may well regret it!! xx

wasn't planned

Im 35 and SAHM to three gorgeous boys age almost 12, 5 and 3.

We are also expecting and very much longed for/wanted and planned fourth. But also had alot of negative 'was it planned' 'bet you are only trying for a girl' 'you must be mad comments' Many more negatives tbh than 'congratulations'.

But hasn't worried me. We will provide for our fourth as we have all our others and most importantly are equipped to coped emotionally and physically, I am thrilled to have a larger family. The relationship between them as siblings is very special.

Go on a large family forum. You'll feel like 4 is nothing

Hi Im 29 and have dd (6) ds (4) dd (3) and dd (8mths) and Im shocked at the positive comments. I got more negative comments when I had DD1.
I Love having 4 and wouldnt change it.

I understand where you're coming from OP. I felt a little embarrassed admitting I was carrying DC4.(probably compounded by the fact that i was 42 and it was my third DC in 3 years, thought it made us look careless somehow?!) The media at the time seemed to be attacking large families for being irresposible with the pressure they put on the education/health system and the environment. We dont claim any benefits either and work hard to provide for our children. I remember reading a post from another MNetter at the time who sometimes preferred to say she was a childminder than admit all the DCs were hers.
I hold my head up with pride now and tell the world they're all mine! I'm one of the luckiest women alive. I wouldn't change my largeish family for anything. They love being part of a ready made gang most of the time too! Go for it!

Im expecting number 5 in 3 weeks and nobody seems especially shocked - people were more surprised by the age gap!

Im 31 and dcs are 14, 12, 7 and 10m. I have found people aremore likely to say they wish they had had more dcs than make rude comments.

Dont worry about other people, if you want another child and feel you have room in your life then go for it! I love having 4.

I'm 30 and expecting numbers 4 and 5 within 2 weeks!!! My son is only 4 and we have twin daughters who are 2.5 so get alot of are you mad comments - not like you can plan twins or anything though lol. I'm a SAHM as chilcare would cost us a bomb!! But Oh works lots to support us all :)

I have 4 dc's..the worst you are likely to hear is...get a telly!! Or some other really "clever" remark. I had a 5 yo when my twins were born and all was well...it was youngest born when twins were not yet 2 that set off the comments..! Ride the storm..a big family reaps it's rewards (especially when grandkids come into it). My kids have 12 cousins and a nephew already!

Thanks for your lovely comments guys it has really cheered me up. Just really nervous about telling my dad coz he was a bit funny when I was pregnant with my 3rd so god knows what he will say this time. We do have a space problem at the moment but hoping to extend in the near future and the baby would be in with us anyway at first. Just worried how it will ffect the other 3. My eldest has said (before we said owt) that she would like a baby sister for Christmas and she is like a mother hen anyway but want to be sure the other2 especially my little boy, will be ok. You ar32e all so right and I shouldnt worry about what others say and in this day and age there arent big families but so what!! My dad has the kids in the school hols at the mo but my job has a nursery so would go back to work (hopefully will cope with that1) and put the baby in there so no extra pressure on dad. Just glad to hear such positive responses and you have HONESTLY made me feel so much better and confident :)