my 20 week scan i dont understand

[jasminejo24]

i had my 20 week ultrasound scan a few days ago and my baby was lying in a funny position so the nurse could see the heart beat but couldnt get a good enough look to check for abnormality. she also said the stomach of the fetus was too small in relation to the head.
she has booked me in to birmingham womens hospital in a few days time. this is a long way and i cant drive.
i dont understand what the problem is. the heart could be checked again here in kidderminster when the baby is in a better position. so is the fact that the abdomen of my baby is a little small a big problem? i dont know what a small stomach means no one would tell me what affect it would have on my baby.
i just want to know what having a small stomach could possibly mean that is so bad that she decided to send me so far away on such short notice.
its got me so worried id apreciate anyone who had a similar experience sharing with me. even if the news is bad id rather know the best and worst to expect then not knowing anything.
thanks x

Oh you poor thing Jasmine, I can't imagine.

For what it is worth, please don't feel selfish about this. You have made a decision which you feel is right for you, your family and I think lily.

Will be thinking of you today, i'm sure you will come through this eventually. X x x

Jasmine,

I went through a similar situation in Jan, I was a little further on than you my daughter was born at 27 weeks. She had different abnormalities but the outcome was the same.

Her labour and delivery were handled so gently with such care and respect by the staff, they were amazing. Sadly for me it ended as a emcs, but that was due to three previous sections. I know it is normally a much smoother process.

It was very important to keep our daughter after her birth. We kept her for 24 hours afterwards. I dressed her, held her cuddled and kissed her. I would keep those memories above all others. She is your daughter and if you want to have her afterwards the hospital should be supportive of that. We took many photos of her and have her hand and foot prints. I would really recommend having these even if you can't face them straight away. I look at photos every day for me it has been a huge help but of course we are all different.

I am unsure if the legal point of 24 weeks make a difference when dealing with her remains. As we had to register has a stillbirth we had a full funeral, she was cremated and I have a gravestone. I believe you don't have to register her birth but should have complete control over her remains. I have found it so comforting to have a place to go and visit her and to take her things.

I am sending you so much love and hugs. I truly understand how you feel. I hope it goes as painlessly as it can. Ask for as much pain relief as you need. Be gentle with your self afterwards.

If you feel like you want to talk to someone who has been there please pm me.

I am thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today xxx

Jasmine - your are being incredibly strong in making this decision and others should respect that and support you. You have had to face one of the hardest things a mum will ever have to do and I think you are doing the best and most loving thing for Lily. Keep strong and have faith in the decision you made. Wishing you good things for the future xx Jill

I am so so sorry you are going through this. Your posts are graceful and full of dignity.
I am thinking of you and your little Lilly this weekend.
I can only echo what others have said, you have made a very brave decision based on your love for her as her mother and what you feel is best. I'm sure no one thinks you are monster.

Best wishes for now and the future xx

Thinking of you and Lily. I don't have anything good to say but I am sending you all positive thoughts and prayers xx

Thinking of you, jasmine, hope you're OK.

Jasmine I just wanted to tell you that this time last year I was in exactly the same situation as you. My baby had triploidy (found at 15 week scan) I put myself through hell for the next 3 months waiting to miscarriage naturally so I wouldn't have to make the decision to terminate. It was the stupidest thing I could have done. I couldn't handle it and at 24 weeks I gave in and had an induced labour. The baby was so tiny it literally fell out and I had no pain and lots of morphine to help numb the trauma I was going through. They didnt dispose of the baby. We had it buried. I want to tell you that I am now 28 weeks with a healthy baby girl and a yr on however much it still hurts that I lost my little girl I know that when this girl comes an she is a part of my family I will never be able to imagine that she wasn't here and she wouldn't be if I had that baby a yr ago. (does that make sense?) basically I'm saying that today will be hard but there is always hope and living proof. Thinking of you hun xxxx

Dear JasmineJo, just saw this thread for the first time and am thinking of you today as well as the others on this thread who have been through similar things.

If you haven't already, you might want to contact the team at the Antenatal Results & Choices charity www.arc-uk.org/ who are very sympathetic and have all been through similar things to you themselves.

I completely agree with your decision. I have always said that even though I would personally not end a pregnancy for a "non-perfect" baby, eg Down Syndrome, I would definitely end a pregnancy for a condition which meant the child would not be expected to live beyond a few months, such as your situation and Edward and Patau Syndromes. In my opinion it is the only fair thing to do for the poor child.

Take the time to grieve over the next few weeks. It will take a lot of time and emotional energy. You will never forget Lilly, but in time hopefully there will be a healthy brother or sister to look forward to and make you smile again.

xx :)

Thinking of you and your little girl this evening Jasmine, much love x

sending hugs jasmine xxx

Just seen this thread. Am so sorry you are going through thus. We had a v similar situation, and took the same decision. We had a cremation and service and I can not fault the care we had at hospital. It was so so sensitively handled. I now have a 2 year old ds who is amazing and am pg again, due in june both trouble free pregnancies (fingers crossed) and well- monitored. Wish you all the vest for the future. Take things as slow as you need a d take time to grieve. Good luck.

Jasminejo I am so sorry honey, I hope it went as well as can be expected and you now have time to process things and look forward in life, you made a difficult decision but you had to do what was right. I hope you have some lovely support around you, best wishes xxxx

i was amazed at how quickly the birth was over. i was being sick as she was born so i didnt even need to push.
the contractions were the worst but i did it all working my way up from paracetamol to gas and air.
worcester royal maternity was wonderfull. all the midwives cared so much our room was just for people in our situation and had a lovely garden with large stones everywhere with birth dates and names writen by many previous parents.
i left my puzzle book in the room for mothers arriving after me and wrote a dedication to lilly inside. i also wrote her name on a stone in the garden.
i have photos and handprints. i chose to see har after and decided to have her cremated.
appart from the emotions the experience for me was not terrible i was sick and the contractions were very painfull at the end but i didnt use any strong painkillers.
it took me 20 hours and once it was over i fell asleep. now im home and appart from feeling a bit dizzy from lack of sleep im fine.
thankyou so much

jasmine, I am very glad that although I know you are hurting so badly inside that at least the physical pain wasn't too bad. The hospital sounds wonderful. You did the right thing to let your little girl go peacefully. Take care of yourself XX

Jasminejo, I hope you are okay, but this that you said:

"my babys dissorder is fatal and i felt it was selfish to continue just so i could hold her alive incase she was in pain or dying soon after birth."

was the most important statement of all. How can you possibly think that it is fetocide? (I know technically it is, but ...) Who wouldn't want to try and save their child a life of pain if they could? You are doing/have done the right thing, and although you should remember Lilly with love, also remember that there was a problem with her that was so serious that she would have had a very short life filled with pain and distress; you will save her from that.

I am sure that you are allowed by law to have your child's body - fight for it if you have to. The hospital are not allowed to keep it without your permission. Do you remember the scandal of the babies that were kept in Liverpool?

So glad you were well looked after. Take care of yourself Xx

Jasmine,

I am glad Lily's birth went so smoothly. I hope you are getting lots of support at home. Take things as easily as you can.

Sending you lots of love xx

Jasmine, your post made me well up.

It sounds as tho the hospital staff were really caring and it went as well as it could.
Take care of yourself now xx

In awe of your dignity through all of this and your generosity at sharing your experience. Take care of yourself.x

feeling much better today. looking forward to my birthday on may 2nd and cant wait to start trying again.
my love to you all

Jasmine, what you have done is incredibly brave. Thinking of you at this very difficult time, please take care x

Bless you Jasmine. I really admire your courage at this very sad time. You have made the decision to deal with the tragic outcome of your pregnancy based on your unconditional love and thought for Lily, as only a loving mother could.
I wish you well for the future x