midwife's experience

[pinkdaisy]

Hi,
As lovely as my midwife is, I find it really hard to understand how she can possibly understand the anxieties about childbirth I have for my expected child number 3, when she has never been through labor herself.
I was talking to her about pain relief and she was very much of the concept that I should try and do it naturally, when I has DS2 naturally and I found it very traumatic. How can some empathise with what I am talking about when they haven't been through it. I was telling her about laboring back to back with ds2, and all she said was "hmmmm, i can imagine", and I thought, no you bloody can't!!!!
Sorry rant over. Don't mean to offend anyone, and obviously these are only my opinions!
Lx

I understand where you're coming from. I've got three children and I'm pregnant with my fourth. Even first time round I could tell the midwifes who hadn't given birth. To be fair they were good though but that important "knowing" or "understanding" was lacking. Their responses were more standardised as opposed to coming from themselves if that makes sense.

I delivered my third back to back so I know where you're coming from. It's frustrating that your midwife lacks that understanding.

Everybody has different pain thresholds so I think it's just a case of getting up to speed with what pain relief you can have and when (in labour) you can have it. Next time you could say to her that it's fine saying do it naturally but you want to know your options. I hope all goes well for you.

Do you think every op, every procedure, every pulled muscle, injury is treated by a medical professional who has personal experience of the injury E.T.C. I understand but when you think about it most medical problems are treated by someone without personal experience. I mean can you imagine a phychiatrist who has personal experience of all mental health problems.

I understand what you mean op.

You already have experience and that experience has provided evidence for you that natural is not what you personally want or what is best.

But someone with no personal experience is telling you what is best.

Even if she had given birth she should know that every one is different and they know there own body.

I would be mortified if I was encouraged to go natural this time around! No thanks

What crawling says, really. There's a difference between personal and professional experience - especially as no two labours or births are the same - so her own personal experience can't and shouldn't really inform too much of her professional views.

(other than that, I'd ignore what she says about pain relief - because that's bobbins, but you could have got that from someone who had given birth without pain relief too, so the personal experience or lack of it again makes no difference)

My mum is a midwife and admitted to me the other day that before having me she used to tell women to get on with it, it's perfectly natural, women have been doing this for millenia and there's no need to scream now is there dear.

Needless to say, after giving birth to me, with a back to back presentation with no epidural available and my less than useful father as her birthing partner she became a lot more sympathetic towards women and their desire for pain relief/intervention.

Do what is best for you and if she questions you tell her it's based on your previous experience and with all due respect you know your body better than she does.

i know where you are coming from. Even tho it's fine to not have had kids, and be a midwife, it's just that you feel they don't honestlyl know what you are on about.

Yet, it depends on the individual midwife's attitude, and how they support you, or at least listen more.

Mine hadn't had kids, tbh i found her patronising and airy fairy.

Same with the woman who delivered dd in the end, she was just horrible, and later on when i complained about her conduct, well months later, I found out she was ashamed of what she had put me thru. She had by then had a baby herself.

Deffo have what you want op, and don't let anyone dissuade you. good luck.

Yes but you could have a midwife who had the easiest birth in the world with no pain relief who still might not understand. I think the important thing here isn't that she's never had children but that she's not listening to you.

And you could have a MW who's had children some time ago and 'forgotten' about the painful bits (or had babies at a time when there wasn't as much choice as now) so lacks empathy for those reasons, too

Thanks for all your responses!!! Think you're all right and am going to stick to my guns whatever my body is telling me!!! And if that's to have as many drugs as possible...then so be it!!!!!
Thanks so much, glad to know I am not the only one thinking this!!!!
Lx

I found the midwife I last saw a couple of weeks ago a complete hypocrit if I am honest, she told me VBAC all the way safer, and I am ideal for one. Then told me she had opted for an ELCS because her previous labour was long, and resulted in a retained placenta.
My point is even those with children themselves aren't best placed when it comes to advice.
It depends entirely on personality. Apart from her telling me this, this is my 3rd pregnancy and I have never known if any of the midwives that have dealt with me have or haven't experienced childbirth and to be honest I haven't been able to hazard a guess, they have pretty much all been very good.