Im right arnt i? Can plan to go to cousins wedding 5 hour drive away at 40+4 when planning home birth

[nannyl]

My cousin is getting married

We are a close family and have grown up with my cousins etc. I am now pregnant and will be 40+3 on wedding date.
I am planning a home birth
Am planning to breast feed baby.
Wedding is a 5 hour drive away (sometimes 7 when traffic issues)

I have said there is no way i can be a 5 hour drive away when im "that pregnant". If i was having a hospital birth i wouldnt worry so much, as the hospitals down there are lovely, and if i had to choose between the hospital up here / down there id choose down there without question...

BUT am planning a home birth in water with pool etc, so need to be at / near home!

Even if i had baby a bit early or at 38 weeks or something, baby will still be tiny, and i imagine a 5 hour journey taking so much longer as baby will need breast feeding regularly.
In the earliest days when im just learning to breast feed, i dont really fancy feeding in service stations either... fine when baby is a bit older, when we are both a bit better at it, but ive not done it yet and not expecting it to be easy!

My cousin (cousins sister) and is due 4 weeks before the wedding. Her baby will have been born by then, and the youngest it will be on the date is 2 weeks. They live round the corner, so no 5 hour journey to do with a newborn (that could also be 4 - 6 weeks old by then). They are going!

My aunt clearly thinks we should plan to try to go. And has made it quite clear that we should aim to be there.
Bear in mind she went to a family wedding 3 hours away heavily pregnant with her 3rd child (but not due or over due) and went into labour AT the reception , had baby up there, and drove home with a 3day old breastfed new born baby. (but it was her 3rd, she had mastered breast-feeding, and 3 hours is a lot less than 5!) so i think she feels that she made the effort to attend her (DH's) cousins wedding, heavily pregnant so, so should i.
I see why she thinks that, but i am further away, and dont want baby in a hospital if possible.

and just to complicate matters further, OHs cousin is getting married 4 hours away, on the very same day. (at a venue about 2 hours away from my cousins wedding)
MY cousins date has been set for 3 years, and I am very close to my cousin. OH is not close to this cousin, and they only announced the date a few months ago.

If we went to my cousins wedding it might upset OH's side of family. (bear in mind i have never even met his cousin who is getting married, but OH has met mine!)

If we go (and i am assuming we cant) It seems we should be attending both . One wedding (OHs cousin) and then my cousins reception!

I really dont want to be doing a 2 hour journey on the day, + 4 hour journey day before + 5 hour journey day after either very heavily pg, or with a tiny newborn do i?

I am trying to say no, but the message isnt sinking in.

OHs cousin wont mind if we dont go to any, but will be insulted we go to my cousins i think

Im not being unreasonable to NOT plan to go to either? am i?

You sound as if you would really like to go if you could. I think that if this is the case then you should say you will go if it is possible. If you are not really fussed if you miss both the weddings, then just go ahead and say no to both now.

It might be that the baby comes at 37 weeks and you find breastfeeding easy (some women do!) and that you are not feeling too bad, in that case you might be at home wishing you could have taken your baby and gone to the wedding.

It might be that you go very overdue, and would appriciate the distraction of having a wedding to attend. The homebirth/hospital thing is only relevent if you are still pregnant at the time of the wedding. I don't think that you need to be worrying about this ahead of time. If you did go to the wedding pregnant, you would need to pack hospital bag, baby car seat, and have your pregnancy notes and know where all the hospitals are on route, have everything with you just in case....

Breastfeeding if you are determined enough, you will muddle through on this one wedding or no wedding. It is possible to travel and still breastfeed with small new firstborn infant (I did it baby born 10 days early and travelled to visit relatives with 6 hour drive just two weeks later, and then subsequently moved to a different country when baby only 6 weeks old)

So it is possible that you may be able to make the trip to the wedding, if all goes well. But you definitely should not be made to feel like you have to do it no matter what. If you manage it - then great, if you don't - do not let them make you feel bad about it. It will not be easy travelling either heavily pregnant or with new-born, but it is not necessarily impossible.

It really comes down to how much you want to go, and what happens with the birth (just before wedding/if c-section/just plain exhaustion after). Some things could make it so that you can't go, but then again it might be ok!!!!

How far along are you at the moment? I think by the time you are 36 weeks or so it will be very clear to you whether you would want to travel or not.

Personally, I found just getting to Tesco a nightmare (1 mile away) let alone a 5 hour drive, and would only go if DH drove at 15mph! I couldn't drive myself as I couldn't fit the bump behind the steering wheel and still reach the pedals :(

I would really like to go if i can.

I really really really would. I would be mad to go so far away if baby isnt born yet...

But as you say if baby is a bit early i just might be up to it...

I just worry about the very earliest days when baby might want feeding every 2 hours or so.... could make the journey very very long and stressful.... OR baby might sleep better with the momentum of the car.

I think after maybe 5 days / a week i might be able to consider it... when milk has come in and we are getting more used to it... maybe....

But i wont know until baby is born and I see what happens!

My family / cousins really want us to go if we can too. Can get some nice family photos, with my grandmother and all her children / grandchildren / & new great grandchildren... we only all seem to see each other together at weddings / funerals now.

(have no huge desire to attend a wedding of someone ive never met though )

Neither me or my husband would be able to keep our eyes open to drive a 5 hour trip up or down the country when baby was born!! Even two weeks after, when it really hits you!
And driving 5 hours heavily pregnant, I can't imagine anything more agonising in my life!!! Boy your back and ribs would ache by then!!!

I did not go to my brother's wedding for similar reasons. 37 weeks, 8 hours away. Geeky nephew set up a webcam.

Your aunt is a mother of the bridezella.

Your aunt is being ridiculous! I'm 39+5 today and there's no way in he'll I'd drive that far from home and I'm having a hospital birth. People tend to get absorbed in wedding bubbles and lose touch with reality.

Absolutely not. No way should anyone be expecting you to consider this journey! There are so many reasons why it's a bad idea- for one you could get neither a home or a hospital birth- you could end up having the baby in the car for all you know! Not to mention a 5 hour journey while literally about to pop at any minute must be hugely uncomfortable. As would doing the same journey if you had very recently given birth.

Leave your aunty to her martyrdom. She managed, that's fine but it really bugs me when some people expect others to do things just because they managed it.

Don't even contemplate it! This is a special time in your life and you don't need that sort of stress. If the baby is not born, you will bd anxious about it coming while you are away and missing your home birth. Also, what if you go into labour during the long drive??!!
If the baby is born a wedding so far a way is no place for a brand new baby. You will be exhausted and recovering from the birth and getting used to feeding and will not want to travel that far.
You not being there will not spoil their special day.

I think the issue is you shouldn't be pressured into making any sort of decision about attending this wedding (your OH's cousin's wedding is a red herring really - you definitely won't be at that one).

It could be you have a really easy home birth at 37 weeks (don't know what the local guidelines are for you). It could be that at 3weeks 3days after the birth you would quite like to get out, show off the baby etc etc. The simple truth is you don't know. No one does.

If you have to give a final decision now for numbers etc, then it is most sensible you decline. IF you are able to be tentative (and they don't mind that there will be 2 empty seats on the day) I would say you will attend if at all possible. Yeah it's unlikely but not totally impossible.

Good luck with your new baby.

A) You're not going

and

B) Your aunt is off her rocker.

Just cos she made her birth choices doesn't mean you have to do the same and she's silly and selfish for putting you under pressure.

i thought it was adventurous going to a wedding at 40+3 that was an hours drive away! little bugger came at +10 anyway but then...

sitting through the speeches was agony - i was seriously losing the will to live and and holding out for my single glass of champagne with the toasts!

if you really really think you can go with the baby then go, but i think as starting point you are best off saying no. i can't imagine trying to do it a couple of days after labour (sweaty car & post natal fanjo = UTI city!)

Tbh I wouldn't consider it either heavily (very heavily) pregnant or with a very new baby. At 38 weeks all I've done today is lounge around the house and go to the bakery. Tomorrow I'm going out for lunch maybe half an hour drive away and that will be enormously tiring. I don't think I could contemplate a 5 hour drive, and a wedding, and coming home!

I'm wishing I'd gone for 3 months staying in bed now. I've said 3 weeks .