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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling Clueless

23 replies

LouisaJF · 30/03/2011 13:11

I have been reading all of your threads in awe. I'm five weeks with my first child and I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I have no idea what to expect from pregnancy, birth or the little one, and I don't know where to start.

I credit myself with being fairly bright, and I've bought all the books, but everyone here seems so knowledgable, and I just have no idea! Please tell me I'm not alone (or where I can find the font of information). It's all starting to scare me a bit.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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FetchezLaVache · 30/03/2011 13:16

Don't worry! You have another 35 weeks to gen up on all that stuff. Now's the time for sitting with your feet up training your OH to wait on you hand and foot. Enjoy it and congratulations very much!

ElsieR · 30/03/2011 13:20

You are not alone! You have plenty time to learn. Most of us do the trial and error method. Works wonders!
Seriously though, the best advice is: follow your instincts. Because everybody will tell you that what they are doing is THE way to do it and all the other ways are wrong.
Really don't worry, you'll see it will all come naturally.
Congrats ans good luck!

buttonmoon78 · 30/03/2011 13:20

And don't expect to know what you're doing by 40wks. I cried the first time dd did a poo. I had no idea how to change a nappy despite reading about it and seeing a MW do it in ante natal class.

It's a learning curve. I'm still learning, 13.5 years after that first poo and now 22 wks with #4!

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 13:21

Aah nobody knows that's the thing. There are about 49,494,492 permutations of pregnancy and birth. There are as many newborn behaviours as there are newborns.

You can go to antenatal classes and get some idea of what usually happens, what might happen and then you can have a think about how you feel about it. Then you'll give birth and it'll be nothing like you planned or expected. And then you'll have a baby and you'll realise the only thing you can 'learn' about babies that stands for all of them is how to change their nappies and how not to pick them up ie by their ears or feet. You'll learn alongside your baby. How good is that? You won't have been a Mum before and your baby won't have been born before. You'll muddle through, find what suits you and if you have any questions well there are other Mums, your Mum, MILs and when they've got it wrong, just come on here and ask us. One of us will bumble about enough to finally hit upon an appropriate answer.

You only have to think of one thing at a time. Nearer the birth perhaps have a think if you'd like to bf and mooch through the bf board. Ponder homebirths and ask around about them. Search for info on cloth versus disposable when the mood takes you. There's no exam and no race to know everything. You'll still be muddling through when your baby's 18 but they'll be muddling along with you.

buttonmoon78 · 30/03/2011 13:24

Think I'm stalking you Show. Once again you're saying what I want to. When I grow up can I be you?

speffles · 30/03/2011 13:26

I'm 22+3 with my first one too and the number of questions I have is still a bit overwhelming. Most of what i've picked up is from my own experience, or others experiences, I've read about on MN. You'll pick stuff up as you go along and there's plenty of places to go to for help.

A friend of ours recommended the National Childbirth Trust.

Charleigh0 · 30/03/2011 13:26

I am not knowledgeable in the slightest! And I'm 22 weeks! I find it scary not knowing exactly how it's going to turn out, and I'm terrified of needles and blood let alone labour! Your only 5 weeks so you have a lot of time to prepare yourself and ask plenty of questions to midwives/gps... And make sure you ask about things you are not sure of.

This is my first too btw. Congratulations, just enjoy the thought of having a little bundle of joy growing inside you for a while x

BlingLoving · 30/03/2011 13:27

I posted this easier - it sums up how I feel a lot of the time!

My main piece of advice is don't just listen to the dos and don'ts, it will drive you crazy. Find explanations and then make your decision. I bought a great book the day I found out I was pregnant called, "Pregnancy for Modern Girls" - it's by no means a definitive guide but I found it a great, easy, clear read at the beginning and it explained a lot of the whys that so often are missing.

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 13:32

buttonmoon, two things:

If you think I can't see you outside my front window with your night vision goggles, you're deluded.

When you grow up? Exactly how old do you think I am, hmm?

I've been MNing for years. My default advice is 'you're normal, your child is normal, it'll be fine' but I dress it up in waffle. It's a skill.

Joannezipan · 30/03/2011 13:41

Louisa I didn't know i was preganant until I was 24 weeks - it didn't make any difference at all. You don't need to DO anything, it just happens on it's own apparently! I was a bit shocked to find that out. Also you have ages to figure it all out, we decided as long as we could feed (breasts are handy that way), clothe (I love my friends and cousins), transport (pram and car seat) and sleep (moses basket) the baby when it arrived everything else was just gravy! I'm 29 weeks now and I have read many books cover to cover, I'm not sure if I am more prepared or if it is just an illusion. But one thing is for sure, your body will build a baby and that baby is going to come out one way or another and there isn't anything you can do about it! :)

G1nger · 30/03/2011 13:45

I know how to be an aunt... i.e. how to give them back at the end of the day. Which means I know how to change a nappy... and maybe get some food down them (but not how to prepare that food, or what to choose), and all about how cute they are when they're not crying. So I'm in your boat :)

buttonmoon78 · 30/03/2011 14:27

Truly it's a skill Show.

And, by the way, age has nothing to do with being grown up. So there. Nerr.

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 14:34

Grown up?

DD is at preschool. I'm playing sculpting with her plasticine.

G1nger · 30/03/2011 14:36

showofhands So I'm not about to "become" an adult when I give birth in September? Maybe that's the point at which I'll have to pretend a bit more, then...

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 14:40

My FIL told me recently that you never feel old enough, wise enough or mature enough to be given the responsibility of parenting. He's 53 and has raised 4 children to be lovely people. He says you just hope the good you do outweighs the bad and you are enough for the children you have. You see he looks and sounds wise and grown up but he says everybody feels that way and nobody admits it.

buttonmoon78 · 30/03/2011 17:27

What a lovely man. I still want to be you as I'd like him for my FiL too. Not that there's anything wrong with mine - just that yours sounds better!

candr · 30/03/2011 20:17

I can sympathise, have worked with kids all my life but even running a nursery they are at least 3 months old before you get them. The whole preg and new born bit let alone the birth is scary and I really feel the pressure as everyone keeps saying 'you will be great, I bet you don't make any mistakes' so that makes things easy then!!!

Original poster

LouisaJF · 30/03/2011 21:44

Thank you so much, it's so good to know there wasn't some motherhood class at school that I missed! I'm really looking forward to my pregnancy, and the little bundle at the end, I just feel a bit daunted by it all. I guess it's only natural, I just need to avoid getting hung up on it.

OP posts:

G1nger · 30/03/2011 21:45

The bit I'm most scared about is bathing a newborn. I've never tried it.. and would preferably not ever do so if I had the choice!

Want2bSupermum · 30/03/2011 21:56

I am 26 weeks and DH came home last week with what to expect during the 1st year. The book has been increadibly helpful in making me realise that I will be a good mother because I want to be a good mother. They had a section on decifering the cry. I don't see me looking that up at 3am in the morning. I think I will try to see if the problem is obvious. IE the checklist of 'do we have a pee or poop, are they hungry, are they needing a cuddle, are they too hot, too cold, do they have wind?' By the time I get to that check if the baby is still crying my husband will be awake and he can help me come up with some things to check.

I am still however totally freaked out about the umbilical cord stump. If babies had less sensitive skin I would just dry it with my hairdryer until the thing fell off. I can't think of anything more gross. I do however realise that after delivering this baby I will have been through far more gross things and I might possibly be immune to this strange phobia that I have acquired.

G1nger · 30/03/2011 21:58

I'm totally agreed with you on the umbilical stump, want2bSupermum

Newgolddream · 30/03/2011 22:38

Ive got 3 boys aged 18, 8 and 3 - and I still had these feelings with my last - "omg what have I done kind of thing" - you learn as you go along, its the most amazing thing in the world, you wont always get it right - but that doesnt matter as you will create the perfect wee family - for you.

Invisiblesoul · 31/03/2011 11:16

This could have been written by me. Im in the very early stages of pregnancy and live away from my family. Been ttc but I still think I'm in shock and think that everyone else seems to know hat they are doing but me!

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