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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

nearly 26 weeks and I think I'm still in denial...

13 replies

Nunners · 30/03/2011 12:43

This is the soundtrack in my head at the moment:

'sorry I'm WHAT? I'm PREGNANT? You mean there'll be a BABY around in a few months? No, that can't be right. I'm not ready. I don't feel very pregnant. What if I'm a terrible mum in any case? No, there must be some mistake. Yes, I know he's kicking. And that I've bought things for when he arrives. But that would mean that I'm going to be a parent, and that doesn't feel right. Yes, I know I SAID I wanted to start TTC, and that I was getting upset after 2 years that it might not happen, but that doesn't mean that I'm now READY, durrr.'

I'm really struggling. People keep asking me if I'm excited, and I can only reply 'er, kinda', because I'm genuinely not yet. I simply don't think I've grasped what's about to happen!

Please tell me it's not just me...?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PoppysMom · 30/03/2011 12:46

I feel the same way. I just can't believe Im going to be a mommy. I am however only 6 weeks.

I think doubts and thoughts like these are normal though, so please don't worry

JenniL1977 · 30/03/2011 12:49

Hi Nunners you're not alone - I'm 20 weeks today.
Can't get my head round this at all (and we tried for nearly 4 years and I gave myself a good bout of depression about not making a baby!)
Keep looking at the bump and being surprised it's there
Cannot fathom prams and travel systems at all, so am now adamant I'm not getting either (oh, I can see a flaming there)
Cannot fathom the UNBELIEVABLE sense of responsibility pressing down on me
Was in Waitrose stroking the vodka the other day... I miss my partying!
Utterly bewildering. It'll be right, love, we'll muddle through :)

FeralGirlCambs · 30/03/2011 13:02

Oh Nunners and others - I totally agree! I'm 22 weeks today and still completely in denial. Despite wriggling and kicking, and a couple of scans in the last two weeks that showed everything perfect I still can't really connect to the ideas that A) there's a little person growing inside me and b) very soon I will have to look after this person forever. Actually been feeling quite down about it the last few days because, as you say, everyone assumes you must be really excited, and of course you are theoretically, but... I just don't think I'm enough of a real grown up yet to have that responsibility (I'm 31). So you're not alone! Thanks for being brave enough to come out and say it!

ShowOfHands · 30/03/2011 13:08

It's normal. The thing is you're still you. I've never been good with babies or children. I'm not a maternal type tbh and when I was pregnant I didn't suddenly adore babies or shopping for baby things. I was as interested as I was pre-pregnancy. Because I was pregnant, not having a personality transplant.

But it turns out that I was related to dd. She is my family. She's part of me. And when she finally pitched into the world, I realised that I didn't have to feel like an Earth Mother or adore babygros and baby groups and discussions about nappy contents of other children. I just had to fall in love with dd. And that was no effort at all. Don't worry. You'll be just fine.

Wait till you're pregnant with your second and somebody says how far along are you and you take ten minutes to work out what they're talking about and another ten minutes to pin it down to a rough month. Six months? No hang on, seven. With your first it's probably 18+5 or whatever.

The pregnancy takes care of itself in the end. When the baby appears you'll love it like nothing else. Maybe not instantly, that's fine, the birth's a bit distracting but boy are you in for a brilliant time once you do.

BertieBasset · 30/03/2011 13:11

I am 30 weeks with dc2 and I am still in denial.

My mum is well, a mum, I am me who happens to have a dd.
Very different

buttonmoon78 · 30/03/2011 13:14

ShowofHands talks perfect sense. Listen to the woman. It will be ok.

Original poster

Nunners · 30/03/2011 14:43

lovely responses, ladies - thank you. showofhands in particular, your first paragraph particularly resonates with me. I've lost count of how many weeks and days I am (took me quite a few minutes to work out that I was over 25 weeks), and this is my first - Christ knows what I'll be like with my second!

Thanks for the reassurances - it's really made a difference!

OP posts:

G1nger · 30/03/2011 15:03

I think, for me, it's like I know it's coming... I know that in Sept/Oct I'll be a mum... But I'm not yet and I'm still just the youngest child of my whole family (my generation) ... and I just don't know how to imagine myself in that position at all yet. The only time I really, really began to understand that I've got a little person growing inside of me was during the scan (12 weeks) - and I'm 14 weeks now. But I haven't been able to see it since, obviously, so I'm kind of back to not being able to imagine it. Is there a point that comes before denial? I might be there...

SelinaDoula · 30/03/2011 15:06

I don't think they are really real to you till you have given birth. I remember when DD was put on my belly all hot and wet and alive, that's when I really realised I had a baby!
I am expecting the same this time too (yes, I feel similar to you, despite it being my second and supported over 30 pregnant clients lol)
S x

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 30/03/2011 15:15

I'm, um, had to count, 37 weeks? Or nearly 38? With my first. Still in denial.

Yes I know we have a whole load of baby stuff. And I have a bump and it kicks and there's a birth plan and everything but the idea of a real permanent baby that is going to be my child forever....what? Sorry. You lost me.

I keep making plans forgetting that there will be a baby to consider!

SerenaJoy · 30/03/2011 16:00

Nope nunners you're definitely not alone. I'm 28 weeks (first baby), and pretty sure I'll be in denial until the moment they hand me the baby and expect me to know what to do with it.

ShowofHands - I could have written your first paragraph. Thank you!

I'm a terrible disappointment to my MIL - she's been in a state of extreme and permanent excitement ever since we told her. She's been shopping like a woman possessed ever since, and is clearly desperate for me to be as excited as her (no chance). DH is an only child so I am, as she puts it 'her only chance to have a grandchild'.

So no pressure

Sierra19 · 30/03/2011 16:36

I felt like this throughout (DS is now 4 weeks old). I found it hard to bond with someone I didn't actually believe was coming. I had 3 NHS scans (low placenta early on needed checking) plus a 4d one of which I have a DVD. I felt him kicking and moving around.

Now he is here I love him more than I can say, but now I can't get my head around the fact that I am a "mum"!

sunface · 30/03/2011 16:40

yup same here, although i'm earlier on than most. only 13weeks with my unplanned 3rd, so think that's what's making it all the more surreal. Even started telling people but it's still not sinking in... maybe once my tummy pops out?? Glad to hear i'm not the only one!

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