Want the baby but not the pregnancy...

[wegottagetouttathisplace]

Wish I could decide what to do. My dh and I have a dd aged 4 and we'd really like another baby to complete our family. However, I am the sole wage earner and I've just started a new, demanding job which I'm really enjoying. I'm reluctant to have another break in my career, which is just getting going after I took 3 years off to look after dd.

Also I'm not too wild about the prospect of getting fat, spotty and hormonal for nine blinking months! It took me long enough to get back into shape after dd.

Why oh why can't my husband be the one to carry a baby and give birth!?!?

We are also talking about adoption. But it sounds so difficult and fraught with heartache for all concerned.

I could cope (just) with the pregnancy and birth as long as I could get back to work full time quite soon afterwards with dh doing primary childcare. How hard would this be do you think?

It sounds as though I don't really want another one. I do, I really do. I want everything though, that's my problem :/

i think there is a law which says you cant actually go back within a certain number of days after birth but i know mums back in 6 weeks in your circumstances with dh at home

think about it from your dd point of view - playmate, friend and someone else to shoulder the work when you get older! Ask any only child and they mostly all want a sibling.
yes nice idea about the adoption route but it takes ages!
having a baby would be much much quicker!

hi, I went back full time plus overtime when my eldest was 12 weeks & again after my 2nd when he was 11 weeks. Not ideal but had no choice & it was manageable. If you have the childcare then you should be ok to have short mat leave, or shorter than 3 years anyway!

personally i think it would be very hard.,
would you not want to breastfeed the baby? would you not feel that your second child hadn';t been treated the same as the first? (i know that's prboably slightly irrational, but it'd bother me!)

i dunno.. i can't imagine having a baby and then not looking after it myself while it was very small, buit i suppose it depends on what you mean by "quite soon" afterwards
you'd be entitled to maternity leave I presume, so could maybe have a year off??

i guess the way i see it is that you have plenty of time left to work, but you only get one chance at your children's childhood, you can't it back if you suddenly wish you hadn't gone back to work so soon.... but your career will still be there in a couple of years time

but I don't think it needs to be either or. there is surely middle ground?
what does your husband think?

Statuory post-partum leave is 2 weeks, 4 weeks if you're in a factory. How hard on your physically only you know - how well did you recover after your DD's birth? How well do you recover from illness/physical injury in any case?

No problem taking the absolutel minimum time off, espeically if your DH is at home if that's what you want to do.

I can sympathise with wanting the baby but not the pregnancy. I don't think I'm very good at being pregnant.

I had emergency cs the first time so I would probably go elective this time round. It took at least 6-8 weeks before I felt at all physically recovered.

I breastfed dd for quite a long time - 2.5 years in the end! I wouldn't do the same this time round. Dd never accepted a bottle and it meant that nobody else got to properly look after her for the 1st couple of years. V precious time in my memory but less so for my dh and his parents!

So this 2nd one probably won't have the same level of attention from me, but I think that might be compensated for by extra attention from dh and his folks.

I am so ignorant about maternity pay - the directgov site is completely incomprehensible - does anyone know how long I would get full pay for? We couldn't cope financially with a reduction in income that lasted for anything more than a couple of weeks :(

Unless you are at work 24 hours a day you will still get plenty of time to look after baby, it's time for yourself that you will not get but that's the case for a lot of sahm's too.

I am a bit crap at being pg too, I have asked DP can we get a surrogate if we have anymore kids

think full pay is 6 weeks or its 90% for 6 weeks then statutory kicks in at whatever current rate is £139 or so a week.
However, once you get pregnant, dont take any holiday (I know its tough!) so then you can lump all the holiday into the maternity leave and perhaps bump it up to 12 weeks off work on pretty much full pay... tho this does depend on your employer allowing you to carry it all forward and be paid it rather than taking it.
And you get to add in holiday as you go once baby arrives so you can also add this into the suggested 12 weeks.

Try to find a mum at work who has recently returned and pick their brains! I know its hard to go direct to employer and ask about what it and isnt possible without feeling judged!

And the law changes next week to allow fathers to take longer (I think up to 6 months) paternity leave if the mother doesn't take it all.

I went back when DD1 was 3.5 months, likely to go back at same stage this time (depending on how timely the arrival is) - not because I want to, but need to.