close age gaps

[Dozeyland]

Hello,

I have a 5.5month old dd, i absolutely love her, she is our world! we're in a very happy relationship (we're 26 and 22) not that age is a factor.

I am due to go back to work part-time in August but we don't want to wait too long until our next child. we have always wanted them close together, coming from big families ourselves too.

i have a few reservations/worries:

1. some part of me feels guilty?
   
2. my work, i am due back in aug, DD will be 1 in oct, and we would want to fall pregnant around then , if not before or slightly after. and how my work would be about this??? we dont necessarily want to plan, we just want to lee it to fate i guess. same with DD1
   

anyone else felt like this?

[FreakyWeasel]

I felt like that a bit. It took a while to get pg with DD1 so we just left it to fate the second time, hoping it would just happen and we wouldn't have years of waiting again. We were very lucky and the second time round it happen the first time we had unprotected sex. DD1 was nearly 6 months old at the time.

I felt very guilty about work, because I was due to go back to work when DD1 was 12months old but I would have only been back in work about 2.5 months before my next maternity started. In the end, because it was a small family business I decided, in our circumstances, the fairest thing to do was to resign.

We have 15 months between them and the first 6 months we tough but we've loved it and I'm so pleased to have them close in age.

[nunnie]

Can't help on this really as mine is still cooking, but when he/she arrives there will be an 11 month gap. This was not planned but after alot of head sinking it is very much wanted now. It took me over 4 years with DD and over 2 and half years for DS, this one took no trying for. So I am not sure you can plan these things.

I resigned from work when I left for meternity with DD, I did this because I was doing a degree from home aswell and knew I wouldn't have the time to do all three. So can't help on the work issue really. I am a casual worker at the moment but I don't get any allowances and work as and when I can so I can pick and choose.

[Dozeyland]

I am training with my photography. i also am trying to get a few websites up and running.

just wanting to use my creativity to eventually be able to "work from home" and also have the big family we want to have. DP is the main bread-winner. and he supports this.

its just so frustrating wanting our family, but also being able to make a living!

i would love a 15month ish age-gap!

just wouldnt know how to break the news to my employer.

ps. my pt job isnt something i enjoy its just something that i have a tiny income from.

[FreakyWeasel]

No Dozey, I hated having to tell my boss. When I sad I was pg again his face fell, but then I said that I felt to only fair thing to do was to resign he looked so relieved!

Unless you really, really can't afford it then I would say have number two as soon as you think you can, you will get by. We took a t of a deep breath when we found we were pg again but you adjust and spend less and I wouldn't change it for the world now. [Disclaimer: If you really can't afford it at all, obviously wait!]

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

come off contraception as son as you feel emotionally (and to a certian extent financially) ready.

I fell pregnant with DS immediately, planned it all out wiht DC2 and am now finally pregnant after 9 months of trying, with a much bigger age gap than I'd previously wanted.

It's tough with any age gap for different reasons....

[Dozeyland]

We would be able to afford it, especially if it would be another girl, our DD1 has millions of stuff! :)

Also: we don't have or ow place just yet, we are soon to be allocated a place hopefully. So we'll obviously wait for that!

I just love the idea, and to be honest, it would be lovely for our DD to have a playmate of her own!

Of course there will be hard times, but its all worth-while! and time flies!

I just don't know what to do about my "wanting to make a business so ican eventually work from home with our kiddies... it will be probably years in the making, but i believe my photography has potential, i just need to get the busines side of things going and clientle.

what do you do for work if you gave up your job?

[surfandturf]

Hi there,

I fell pregnant with my 2nd DC when my DS was just 4 months old

I had only taken 6 months maternity leave with DS and had to go in and tell my boss I was pregnant again before I had even gone back to work. Needless to say he wasn't very happy but there was not a lot he could do about it!

If I'm honest, I found the first few years very difficult. I never felt that I couldn't 'love' both of them but I still feel guilty that I never really got the chance to enjoy both of their baby years as I was too exhausted! There is just 12 months between them and now they are a bit older it's great! It was worth the stress hard work

[girlfromdownsouth]

Hi, I fell pg with DC2 when DC1 was 10 months old, making the age gap 19mths. It is the best thing I ever did. Even now at 7 and 8 yo they are the best of friends despite being a girl and a boy. It was tough having 2 under the age of 2, but do-able. Frankly, you feed one, you feed two, you change one nappy, you change 2, go to play group with 1 or 2 - made no difference to me. You are already in the baby / toddler world. I had kept all the stuff from DD so used most of it for DS (not the pink, frill stuff obv!!).

I am self-employed so didn't have to tell my boss, but had to make sure my work fitted around being a SAHM.

If it's what you really want, you will find a way to make it work. TBH it was the best time of my life.

[FreakyWeasel]

I don't work now, I wouldn't earn enough to pay two lots of nursery fees so I'm a SAHM. We can afford to live on DHs income, comfortably but carefully if you see what I mean. We can have a few meals out here and there but we can't splash the cash or spend unwisely.

If you are still training with your photography now, it may be a long time before you are in a position with a career or business where you feel you have done enough to be able to step back and have another baby. Starting a business or new career is hard at the moment. If you wait for that it might be years before you feel you can take the time out to have baby2.

I'd like to retrain, I didn't like my previous career but I'm getting the baby years out of the way now and then when I go back to work/retrain I know i won't need to plan any further career breaks for babies.

What I'm trying to say is that in years to come I doubt you will regret having waited an extra year before starting your new business but you might regret not having had children when you wanted them.

[Firawla]

mine are close together (17 months gap, 20 months gap) but i never went back to work after the 1st one. if your work is something you can work on from home then try to do it at the same time? and once they are in school you can focus on it even more. the plus about having them close together is that you will sooner get that time of all of them being in school if you do want to go back to work or start business etc then it would be easier for you as it wont be too long til the youngest is in school too whereas if you leave it years inbetween that will drag it out

[Dozeyland]

Thanks, all of your replies are very inspiring :)

FreakyWeasel Thats exactly how I feel, there is soooo many things i want to do/ideas i have for my work. but I do want to have my children close together, while i'm young, healthy and have energy! but who knows how many children we'll have, I may have another one, two, 5 or 10 lol

In regards to work, i don't even want to go back, because i know i want to be pregnant by that time. I am planning on going back 2daysaweek. or 2 mornings depending on childcare. And if i am pregat or happen to fall pregnant then they will have to deal with it. I will be entitled to pay (only SMP) i will be there until my next EDD. and they ve plenty of other team members. plus - i work hard for them.

But i may be a dreamer, but ideally i will have my big family, a lovely home,work for myself, from home and live in the country. but all in good time.

as you said i dont want to go all these years TRYING to make a business when what really matters first is family. building a business takes hard work, but also doesnt happen over night. i think thats what i need to remember!!

(i have a tendancy to think i can achieve a million things at once, and if i dont i put myself down!)

sorry for chatterbox mode!

[Dozeyland]

Also, how did you find having a newborn with your older child? as in, getting newborn to sleep, finding time for older DC?

is there any baby groups you can go to that you can takeboth to?

[Firawla]

most baby groups should be fine with you taking both of them?