1st timer needing advice

[happydad2be]

Hello, this is my first post so please be gentle with me.

So...as you can see from the topic title, I'm a 1st time dad to be, and this is my girlfriends 1st time with pregnancy, it didn't come as a shock to either of us since we've been trying for a few months.

I'm absolutely over the moon and my head is still in a whirl.

I want to look after my girlfriend the best way I can(not that I don't usually!) during her pregnancy so would love some advice on what I can do to make this the happiest time for her(until the birth that is).

Many thanks

An over the moon hd2b

Congratulations!

The main thing is: ask her what she wants! But if you were my DH, the following makes me happy (currently pregnant with DC2):

Giving me a back / leg/ shoulder massage as often as I like

Rubbing my bump with stretch mark cream every night

Cooking dinner when I am feeling knackered (which he's doing right now)

Telling me I look beautiful and he loves my pregnant body when I just think I look big and my bump looks a state (33 weeks)

Picking things up off the floor for me without asking now that it's harder to bend over

Fetching me things

Generally being sympathetic

Saying that's he's excited about the baby / can't wait to meet him / her, even talking to the bump (not for everyone but he's comfortable with it).

Good luck with the pregnancy to you both!

Congratulations to both of you, and how nice of you to post.

The most important thing you can do at this stage is to understand that she'll be very tired during the first trimester, and hormonally all over the place. So she'll need plenty of rest and, if she gets morning sickness, her eating habits will be bizarre (lots of grazing and snacking rather than three big meals a day), so you'll need to adapt accordingly.

If you can read up on pregnancy that will help you to understand the changes that your girlfriend is experiencing, and will also mean that you can have intelligent conversations with midwives and doctors - I tended to be quite distracted during these appointments, so I needed my DH to pay attention and ask questions (and remember the answers) as I never could.

And go with her flow - for example, about telling people that she's pregnant, or the type of birth she wants. She needs to know that you are comfortable with her choices, and that she has your support (although judging by your post I don't imagine she'll be in any doubt about that!).

Good luck - I'm really happy for you both.

If your DH does those things Wigeon I'm so jealous! My DP picks things up off the floor for me, fetches things and talks to the bump. Just the other day I was getting changed and he looked at me and says "Wow, you're huge".

HD2B, just do what Wigeon suggests and your DP will be very happy :) I only wish my DP was more like you lol.

Congratulations and good luck with everything, I hope it goes well for you both :)

Wow, how quick were those replies?

Great advice, thanks :)

Melly - he is a very lovely man, husband and dad to our DD! I tell him so most days!

Agree with ttalloo - knowing enough about pregnancy to have a conversation about it is good too. And just to blow my DH's trumpet a bit more (if you see what I mean...) he is currently reading a book I found about active birth / pain management techniques so that he can help me during labour (he was lovely during my first labour, during which I mostly wanted him to sit in the corner doing nothing at all, but I'm wondering if this time I'd like him to do more Stuff with me while I'm in labour).

He sounds like a complete angel, you're very lucky. My DP is so excited and happy, I'm not allowed to watch One Born Every Minute because (in his exact words)
"Why would I want to see other women giving birth? It's going to be bad enough seeing you giving birth, just the thought of it makes me feel sick!"
And when I said I like the idea of a waterbirth he looked at me in absolute horror and said
"Well if you're having one of them I'm DEFINATELY not going to be there"
Honestly I could punch him sometimes. I might ask my sister to be there aswell. Just incase he can't handle it.

Don't compare her to other pregnant women i.e. well so and so says she's doing this, or everyone else is like this when they're pregnant. She won't appreciate it.

Congratulations! I'm currently 24 weeks with our first, suggestions I can offer from my own personal experience are:

Don't take it personally if she gets grumpy with you.

Reassure her when she's feeling all over the place.

Help out with the cooking/cleaning etc, especially during the first trimester when it's likely she'll be exhausted.

You are allowed to comment on the size of the bump, but only if she mentions it first, and only in a good way, and it has to be at the same time as a comment about how gorgeous she looks.

Talk about the baby/to the baby.

My DP has been absolutely lovely, and has done all of the above and more. Haven't yet managed to get him to rub my cream into my bump every night (Wigeon I'm jealous!) and although he has promised foot rubs they have never materialised. He also now helps me get off our (very low) couch, although he does this whilst saying "Heave, heave, ...". Oh, and he cut my toenails for me the other day as I was having trouble reaching comfortably!

what a nice first post! Congrats and your girlfriend sounds like a lucky woman. Just what all the others have said really - one thing my DP did that was quite irritating was that he was always a bit when i wanted to go to bed at 8.30 in the first trimester. Its a bit harder early on because the pregnancy is not as obvious and you might "forget" occasionally that there are all sorts of things like leg cramps and carpel tunnel syndrome (pins and needles in the wrists and hands), worrying about food (though please tell her not to stress too much about this that can happen. also, don't forget its mothers day next week - you can do mum to be things!

Congratulations!

I can only echo the others that have already posted, my husband, bless his cotton socks, whilst excited about the prospect of being a dad, hasn't quite got his head around the fact that just because he can't see it doesn't mean I'm not going through some stuff.

For example, I'm absolutely knackered, just getting through the afternoon is killing me at this stage (9+4) and he seems to think I'm putting it on a bit when I come home and just want to lie down for half an hour.

Similarly I can't face the smell of certain things cooking, which means I've been known to leave dinner half done to go spend time with the toilet (currently compiling a list of things we wont be eating until October)

Last night he told me he's booked a week away with the Scouts roundabout the time my first scan should be. He nearly lost limbs. But he has now agreed to get cover and come home for the day if need be. Which was correct

Really though, just offer her a bit more help, ask how she's feeling (and listen to her answers) and don't take it too personally if you wake up with her glaring at you for breathing :)

Lots of good advice here.

Main point for me - be interested and find out stuff, don't just wait for her to tell you.

My DH is brilliant with helping around the house (he currently does everything as I've been too sick/tired) and getting excited about the baby. But he doesn't know the ins and outs of all the appointments I have to go to etc. and sometimes I feel a bit stressed because I have to remember everything (eg. making monthly appointments to see gynecologist and for blood tests etc.)

Oh, and if ever she feels worried/upset/unsure direct her here! Lots of good advice and people reassuring you that things are normal, or telling you to get something checked out!

And don't tell her she's getting fat, even as a joke!!!

I. Love it when my hubby suddenly says something loving about baby or bump. Or lovingly rubs it (now bubs is kicking it's fab for him too)

Although I nearly took his head off whilst watching one born every minute the other day when he said "I could do that, I mean pain is all in the head" he realised his mistake very quickly!!!!! Don't ever attempt that statement...in fact a good idea would be to search the programme feedback on here to see what ladies response to the men on there has been!

Otherwise he is brilliant up until 21 weeks i was very very ill from pregnancy and he just did everything about the house without me asking (cleaning, cooking, ironing, sorting dog) now im better he still takes care of a lot more than he has in our 13 year relationship! Also we make sure not everything is about baby we make sure we have enough non baby talk and time. Echo everything above the other mums net users have said but would add that if she suffers with the fatigue of pregnancy...understand this isn't slight tiredness it's the most horrific kind of tiredness ever!

I am just over 24 weeks and this is our first. We lost 2 before so this little bubs is our miracle and can't wait!

To be honest tho mate...the fact you have even posted this question is a brilliant start it shows you care and are interested which she will love you for.

Congratulations and welcome to the club!