advice on trying for number 3!!

[vicki2010]

Hello.....I have two ds,they are 9 and 6. Have been feeling really broody lately but am soooo confused as to what to do! we are in a situation where we are renting and financially it wouldnt be the wisest decision i dont think..we dont really have the space and i am self employed so things would be tight (am childminder) we also have a fair bit of debt but we manage, weve been together 11 years,married for nearly 2.
The thing that worries me is the thought of growing older and the boys fleeing the nest and not having family around (mine live other end of country) i just had this idea of having my kids around me and their kids when im older,lots of people see me broody and always say 'oh you neeeeed a daughter!' but this isnt the reason i would consider another as i love my boys and have never really thought about the gender being the issue,just like the idea of family.
I know financially it would be a bit of a strain and were trying to improve our situation but everyone i know who made the decision not to have more children for the same reason are pretty much still in the same boat and their lives are no different, so what do you think?
Should i extend my family and follow my heart or should i be 'sensible' and stick with two!!
I would like to hear from anyone else who has been in a similar situation and glad they went for it or from those who may perhaps wished they had done things differently..........also just to add im only 30yrs old at the moment so wouldnt say the age was a problem although another way i have been thinking was the fact that when im 40 i'll have a 17 and 20 year old so it would be nice in that respect, ARRGHH HELP

It's such a personal decision that no one can say you should or shouldn't, but in my opinion (for what little it's worth), I can't imagine there are many who've regretted having a child, but I'd guess lots who regretted not doing it, so having another might be the less risky option!

I'm pregnant with baby number 3 (2 boys of 4 and 2), and like you I don't care about the gender, I just love the idea of 3 kids together, and having seen friends who were only children having to look after elderly parents, I like the fact that they'll be a tight threesome to support each other whenever something happens to my husband and I.

thanks or replying,its just going round and round in my head and my mind says go for it but im so scared if it was much harder then i thought,i haven't had a baby for 7 years!!
my friend had a baby two weeks ago and i held her today and it made me all gushy and i have convinced myself its what i want,then fast forward bed time and im telling the boys off for arguing! and i think oh god how will this work but its more long term im thinking..i know it would be a little struggle at first but with both my boys they were fab babies,i sailed through pregnancy and gave birth very naturally so im not too worried about that,oh im going on now.....thanks anyway

I am pregnant with number 3 now and agree you rarely meet anyone who would say they regret having their youngest child! The financial considerations need to be taken seriously but I would say most people who have 2 children can manage a 3rd and money is usually not a reason not to if you both want to - although obviously worth doing your sums to be sure it won't be horribly hard...

But the main thing I wanted to say was don't have another child in the half admitted hope you'll have a daughter and especially not in the hope said daughter (if baby is a girl) will stay local to you and produce grandchildren for you to enjoy in your old age! We live an hour's drive from DH's parents but almost a thousand miles from my parents, and like me plenty of grown up daughters choose to live and raise their families far, far away from their own parents, there is no reason to think your boys would be more likely to "flee the nest" and settle far away from you and that a daughter would stay close to home! It's also not fair in my opinion to have that expectation of a child's adulthood! Not all girls are close to their mums, not all boys disappear into the distance and don't see much of their parents once grown up!

Good luck whatever you decide!

2and1ontheway...thanks for reply,i totally know that my children could not stay near me of course,i live 200 miles from my mum and am her only daughter so i know it happens-i wouldnt be the sort to have expectations for my childs future either as far as being near me are concerned,i dont know i just think it would be nicer to have a bigger family and hope for the best eh! My husband is one of two boys and they both live within 15 mins of their parents but of course they are both married now (one to me!) and have their own lives they see their mum every few weeks which i think is really sad and i dont want that to happen to me,god i sound like some sad old woman having seperation anxiety!! i want to live with the waltons lol
The financial side i agree,one more at the moment wouldnt make too much difference i know...what age are your children 2and1ontheway?

meant to add the daughter thing is definately not what im thinking,in fact quite the opposite...am used to boys!!

If you just want a bigger family then go for it as long as it's what your husband wants too and it won't cause unreasonable financial problems!

My 2 are 5.5 (girl) and 3.5 (boy) and DS2 is due by c-section a month today!

I just wanted a 3rd child but even though my age gap isn't huge at all a few people have assumed this preg must have been an accident because I already have "one of each" - so why would I want another one? I don't know, I just do! :o

Good luck!

Hi Vicki,
I am expecting DC3, we have 2 daughters aged 4 and 3. I work part time when my DP is home to look after the kids and earn next to nothing, my DP works all the hours he can but we make time for our little family. We dont have spare cash, we dont have expensive clothes or a flash car, but I would never not have a child due to financial restraints.

I suppose coming from a family that made do when we were small (am also 30 like you) I dont feel like I missed out because we didn't have the latest toys etc. We struggled for years (not that myself or my brother and sister knew) to get by, but eventually things changed and our parents began earning fairly good money. And I accept that we are going to have to make do for a few years too with our family, because our options are to either stop at 2 and have spare cash to buy a few nice bits, or tighten the belts a bit more and have another wonderful addition.

My mum still says to this day that she regrets not having more kids, and the only reason they stopped at 3 was because money was too tight.
This is only my personal opinion and my experiences of a financially restricting childhood. But as a child I had no idea we didn't have money. We had so much in the way of our parents attention, picnics, activities like painting and craft work, family gatherings and good old Disney movies to watch.

We lost a baby last year, and I remember before we lost her worrying about the financial side of raising another child, but since then Ive realised that none of that matters in the bigger picture. Unless you are on the wealthy side of this life, having a child will always put a financial strain on your family. But none more than the first, IMO. Our second daughter had hardly anything new (the up side to having them so close together I know), and this time around we still have the cot, the pram, clothes, toys, books etc. And even if we didn't, there are so many discount stores and charity shops that sell quality goods at reasonable prices.

Ive been told that the teenage years are the most expensive, and I am hoping that by then I will be back in full time employment and be able to help shoulder the finances with DP.

I wish you luck in your decision, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the reasons why we are going ahead with number 3 xx

i think i have made my decision! talking to a good friend last night and she has children exactly the same age as mine and told me they had been off contraceptives for 6 months and nothings happened! so i guess i should start trying sooner rather then later as who knows,it may not happen for us either....thanks for the replies,i'll keep posted lol

bump......still interested in different points of view!! thanks