So I've started telling people I'm pregnant and am beginning to regret it...

[FluffyDonkey]

I had my much-longed for 12 week scan last Monday. I live in France and have to annonce to my employer that I'm pregnant by 13/14 weeks.

So, I figured that after the scan I'd start telling people.

What I wasn't expecting was the onslaught of people (none of whom have children) telling me :

• It'll be really hard
• Your social life will go down the pan
• How on earth will you manage in your small flat
• How on earth will you manage living on the 6th floor without a lift - you just can't do it
• Why aren't you moving flat before the birth?
• You'll find it too hard to move after the birth
• etc. etc.

Finally this lunchtime, after enduring negative comment after negative comment, I pointed out that I was aware of all these points and that we'd considered them all and concluded it'll be difficult but doable.

Afterall, lifts haven't always been around and many people manage without.

I'm just getting annoyed at how many criticisms I'm getting about our choices.

I suppose it's a good introduction to motherhood

Congratulations. I hope you have the very best pregnancy. I'll bet you are very excited.

There's a time for talking about the reality of what pregnancy and child-rearing entails, and a pregnancy announcement isn't that time. Ignore them all and enjoy your special news.

Yep, time to start practicing that forced grin through gritted teeth!

In a few months time you'll get to hear all about everyone's birth horror stories (funny how they never tell you about the straightforward ones )

Congratulations!

Congratulations

It will be hard but also wonderful.
You'll need to change times and locations of social life but it entirely depends what you did before. Even then it's generally for a limited time.
Babies are small. You'll be fine.
Get a sling.
People move house with kids all the time. In fact before they can move around it's easier. If they insist it'll be too hard, ask them to babysit for a week whilst you get moved OR come and help you move whilst you sit on your arse with the baby.

Practise your smile and nod, smile and nod and repeat after me 'thankyou for your concern but we're happy with our choice'

I experienced the same thing and until about 16 weeks was totally freaked out by all these messages - I don't know why people feel the need to start dispensing immediate, unsolicited and pessimistic advice. But they do.

Don't worry, as I found that I calmed down lots about EVERYTHING from about 16 weeks onwards...maybe hormones, or maybe just feeling more used to it all. People still make comments like this but it just doesn't bother me anymore.

You'll be absolutely fine and you'll do it all your own way in any case...some stuff you'll find easy that everyone else thinks is a nightmare and vice versa. Congratulations. Enjoy!

snap! I had my 12 week scan last Monday too. I'm also 13 weeks now. Congratulations.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

People are very protective of you when you are pregnant and they worry for you. It might drive you nuts but you have to see it for what it is.

Also, I wouldn't consider living on the 6th floor with or without a baby so I think you are mad ... but I bet you are lovely and slim and I'm.... errrr not

It will also make you 'travel light' with the baby and that's no bad thing either.

Congratulations! Oh seriously - some people are truly unbelievable! Ignore them and enjoy your special news :) or tell them you've already had a quote for a pram pully system from the window of your flat and it's quite reasonable x

Thanks everyone!

"Practise your smile and nod, smile and nod and repeat after me 'thankyou for your concern but we're happy with our choice'"

Good advice!!!

I think it's mainly because we already get comments because we live on the 6th floor without a lift. Everyone seems to think it's really hard but it isn't. Both DH and I are very sporty (well I was before morning sickness) so we don't find it hard. You get used to it very quickly.

I know it'll be very hard when I'm heavily pregnant and just after the birth. but I'll just take my time and go up slowly.

One of my elderly neighbours on the 5th floor broke her hip and she still managed to get up the stairs! Ok it took her 20mins but who's counting...?

Good grief people can be soooo rude and hurtful. Maybe they are slightly jealous? Congratulations, and I'm sure you'll make things work out just they way you'd like them to, most other parents do! Just ignore them. All the best to you!

Having said that, we are relieved it's not twins because I'd already said if it was we'd have to move flats ASAP!!

No WAY was I planning on climbing 116 stairs whilst expecting twins!

ignore them!
mine is due on advent sunday - i run my own shop and have no employees.
my shop's a children's bookshop
i also sing in my church choir.

see, that's worse than living in a 6th floor flat, isn't it!

I will learn from your experience - telling my close family / in-laws / close friends and my boss, and that's it!

No way do I want to hear everyone's negativity being projected onto me, I'm scared enough as it is...

Ignore, ignore! I can't stand these negative comments that people seem to relish sharing with you and I really feel for you! I'm 16 weeks myself. We won't have a spare bedroom for the baby and my partner also works from home - I've had a few raised eyebrows but I have every confidence we will manage. I just tell myself that women have babies in jungles, slums, tents, yurts and deserts all over the world and bring up children just fine. Congratulations - and you'll be great!

Smile and nod, and ignore it all!

Congratulations!

I'm currently pg with DC1 (12 days til due date, eek!), and I got this too from a few people. I'm so excited to be finally meeting my little person I just don't care and neither will you.

Congrats! You'll do it your own way and it will be fine. Anyway, what do these people think is the worst that can happen?! I think sometimes people relish telling you how hard everything is going to be.

Congrats!!! Just ignore people who tell you it will be a nightmare etc, some people just like to focus on the negatives and also just because some people find some things difficult does not mean you or everyone would. Although personally i would find the 6th floor thing hard but i dont think I would be keen on that whether pregnant/babies or not tho, so if you are used to it then with a sling you will probs be okay? you can always move later if you start to find it a pain anyway
good luck and im sure it will all be fine, there are a LOT of positive sides to having babies too so people should not try to bring you down with all their negatives

Congratulations!

Don't worry about it at all, everyone will have an opinion but the only one that really counts is yours. So there.

When I had DS we were living in a one bedroom flat, we didn't move to a bigger place until he was 7 months old.

Congratulations. One of the first skills I found I needed to develop when I started telling people I was pregnant, was to let people's opinions go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes they're trying to help, sometimes they're just making conversation, sometimes they're just being annoying.

I'd had a bit of practice at this after the first couple of weeks, but then had to train my DH who was horrified when people kept telling him that, contrary to what he thought, he didn't want to find out the sex of the baby. "In one ear, out the other" I told him.

Just have confidence in yourself and your choices and let everything else wash over you (and remember if you do need advice, you'll know who to ask!).

Ok, let's turn this one on it's head:

• It'll be really hard- It WILL be hard, it will be the hardest thing you'll ever do but the rewards are amazing. The moment when they grab your finger, the first smile, the impromptu hug, the, er, incredible art work they bring back from school. It's worth it!
• Your social life will go down the pan- Of course it will! But you'll make loads of mummy friends and who'll be the mug sat in an office on a beautiful day whilst you're out in the park having a picnic with all your mummy mates?!
• How on earth will you manage in your small flat- You'll decuttler and just learn to live with it. My grandma had 9 kids in a three bed house. They survived.
• How on earth will you manage living on the 6th floor without a lift - you just can't do it- Yes you can. Slings are fab! Again, you'll learn to deal with it.
• Why aren't you moving flat before the birth?- None of your flippin business! (Though in fact, that applies to everything above!)
• You'll find it too hard to move after the birth- Speaking from experience, we didn't. We were lucky that we had mum to help but again, you'll just be a better planner.
• etc. etc. SOD RIGHT OFF!

Honestly, when you have a baby, people think its fair game to comment on how bad it is, how disruptive kids are, how they are just ohmygod the worst thing that could happen to a person.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy it!

FluffyDonkey congratulations! And yes, blank the negative commentators out! This is your choice and I am sure you're smart enough to have considered all these "issues" which YOU will be dealing with and no one else :)

This is a special time and I think you should focus on yourself and ENJOY it ;)

Good luck and hope everything goes well - you can sort everything out as you go along ;)

"I'm just getting annoyed at how many criticisms I'm getting about our choices. I suppose it's a good introduction to motherhood"

When you become pregnant/a mum you become public property - everyone will give you an opinion or advice about something, whether asked for or not (always not!). Best grin and bear it and perfect the line "Thanks, I'll bear that in mind" or something similar!

congratulations :)

It depends on how the person said the comment. Having a baby and living on the 6th floor without a lift sounds like a nightmare to me. Perhaps they are concerned about how you will cope.

It sounds like a nightmare to me to but I'm currently pg with #4 which is probably other people's nightmare yet I'm happy so why shouldn't you be?

You'll get a lot of this. Everyone knows everything. You know nothing. They cannot be told. You don't want to be told - you want to make this journey yourself with your DH and discover things in your own way. As you should.

But it won't stop people giving unsolicited crap advice.

My own piece of crap advice is to grow thicker skin and smile and nod. You'll be doing this a lot, I promise. DD1 is 13. I still have to smile and nod

Oh. I forgot. CONGRATULATIONS!

I hate the constant negativity. I have started saying "thanks but no thanks. Everyone is different and I'll soon find out for myself how motherhood will work out for me! I also remind those people how it made them feel to hear all that when you are excited about your first born and if they haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything!!!"

The good thing is you can get away with being more blunt in pregnancy

People suddenly treat you like public property or that you have no feelings when actually you are your most sensitive! Congratulations and it doesn't matter where you live just as long as you love and look after your baby xx

It gets worse the further on be warned!! Congratulations hon and I tell you what....with those stairs think of the massive positive.....buns of steel :-)