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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help! Need some positive comments re 2nd pregnancy

14 replies

needabetternickname · 22/03/2011 20:17

So I've just found out I'm pregnant with DC2. And this was most definitely not the plan. I feel quite stupid for basically relying on the good old 'avoid fertile period' form of contraception - but as we've hardly been at it like rabbits since DD was born, it didn't seem to be too much of a concern! Anyway, long story short, I'm now pregnant (just over 5 weeks) again. DD is 11 months and I've been back at work a month and am LOVING being back at work - it's reminded me what I loved about my job and I had planned on being back at least a year before going on a second maternity leave. I can't BEAR the thought of telling my boss again - I wanted to get back into things and prove myself and I feel as if this is totally committing career suicide. Added to that, I had really wanted longer to enjoy time with DD - she's still such a little baby and so far off being a toddler! I'm also really scared about the effect it's going to have on my body - I had an amazing labour first time round and am not scared about that but I had really horrid post-partum issues with tearing and piles and general unpleasantness and the thought of going through that again really scares me. I stopped breastfeeding just before going back to work, so I only feel as if I've had my body back to being mine for the last month and just don't really feel ready for this again.....So please - those of you with small age gaps (there'll be 19 months) - what are all the positives for me to focus on!!
Thank you.
p.s. I am aware that we are incredibly blessed that this has happened and this may appear really insensitive to any one who's struggling to conceive, so I'm really sorry if this does come across that way.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sodthehousework · 22/03/2011 20:27

sorry don't have personal experience of this but my friend has recently had her second baby and they have about 19-20 months between them and she is getting on really well. Number 2 arrived quicker than expected (it took them a while to get pregnant the first time) but she is amazingly together and has found it a lot easier the second time round.

I went back to work after a year and loved the first 3 months or so and then reality hit again!! I'm now looking forward to having baby no. 2 in October.
good luck with everything

megansmummy1 · 22/03/2011 20:30

Sorry, no experience of this from your point of view but just wanted to say there is only 15months between my little sister and i and i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We were close as children and really grew up together, we both have amazing memories of childhood and are still really close now. I am actually a tiny bit jealous as its purely financial reasons that stopped me being in your situation!
You will be fine, everything happens for a reason

Original poster

needabetternickname · 22/03/2011 20:32

Thank you! Pleased to hear your friend is doing so well. I'm sure it must be so much easier second time round - but equally so much harder to keep toddler happy and entertained if I'm going to be stuck on sofa b'feeding for hours at a time! And I'm sure you're right - the novelty of being back at work may well wear off sooner than I expect! Good luck with your second....

OP posts:

NotShortImFunSized · 22/03/2011 20:32

I have 2yrs 2wks between my first 2.

Then I had another 4years after that, then again 15months after that and again 14 months after that

Can't be all bad if I did it again!

You will be fine, you don't need to tell work just yet anyway and any slight baby bump can be blamed on DD

It is lovely having them close together, no matter whether dc2 is a boy or girl they will have an amazing relationship.

My youngest 3 are now 3.8y, 2.5y and 16m.

It's hard work but when they sit there and play together my heart melts

Congratulations!!!

Loopymumsy · 22/03/2011 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

needabetternickname · 22/03/2011 20:35

You see, I'm feeling better already! Thank you everyone...that's really helpful. And wow - NotShort and Loopymumsy - that's impressive!

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doughnutty · 22/03/2011 20:39

Exactly the saame thing happened to me. We had nearly 2 years ttc DS and had decided that we'd start again for DC2 when DS turned 1. I wasn't concerned about age gap stuff because I assumed we'd take a while to be successful. I am worried about coping with 2 under 2 even though DS is a very good little boy and no trouble at all. Makes me worry more that no. 2 will be a devil child

When DS was 9 months old we used the last condom in the house and DH was adamant that as we were soon to start trying and unlikely to be at it like rabbits it wasn't worth buying anymore.

The first time we had sex we conceived

I did the test on my 2nd KIT day back at work and had to spill within 4 weeks of my return because I needed time off for my scan. My boss was fairly sympathetic and actually said that getting it "over and done with" was what he and his wife had done. II am not career driven and have enjoyed being back at work so it felt strange going into that meeting but I am of the opinion that he expected it (maybe not quite so soon) as I have never denied wanting 2 kids. I have been in the same company for 18 years since I left school so have no guilt about 2 mat leaves so close together.

I went back in Nov 10 and will go off again in June. DS will be 19 months when DC2 is born.

doughnutty · 22/03/2011 20:43

Sorry not very helpful - more of a hijack really!

Original poster

needabetternickname · 22/03/2011 20:45

But def good to hear that your boss was good about it doughnutty. I am sure mine won't be surprised by fact that we want more than one - but I think he'll feel pretty let down by the speed of it all. I work for a small start-up, so they'll need to get someone in to cover me, which he just won't have budgeted for in 2011....but at least I can wait a while before telling him (assuming I'm not as sick as I was with DD!)

OP posts:

mummyosaurus · 22/03/2011 20:46

I have 19 mths between my two, got pregnant the moment I stopped breastfeeding, like you was quite amazed as had not been managing much bedroom action (except once - it was my birthday).

DD is now almost 6 and DS is 4 and a bit.

When DC 2 born no jealous from DD as very quickly she couldn't remember a time before having DS.

They have always liked the same days out, as close in age. Like the same toys too.

When one of them has a friend round, they all play in a group, no one left out.

The nappy stage was over quickly.

They fight like any siblings, but they are very close, share a room even though they don't have to.

Good luck!

Original poster

needabetternickname · 22/03/2011 21:03

Thanks mummyosaurus - such nice things to focus on and I do love the idea of them being close and not having to worry about sibling jealousy. My DH def feeling a little hard done by that he's missed out on ttc!

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nunnie · 22/03/2011 21:11

I have a DD of almost 4 who took over 4 years to fall with, then a DS of 5months who took over 2 years to fall with, and I am currently 13 almost 14 weeks pregnant with number 3.

So my gap will be 11 months I have the same fears as you about my body, mine are heightened slightly due to the fact that DS was an EMCS.

I was scared and angry with myself when I found out, and I am still scared but have slowly got over the anger and started to focus on the baby which was totally unplanned but definately wanted.

Give yourself time, it is still very early and it will take time to sink in.

As for telling work, that can wait a while yet.

FessaEst · 22/03/2011 21:13

Congrats needa. Same-ish situation her. Went back to work in Sept, DD was 10 months, found out I was pregnant in Nov, there will be 20 months between DCs.

I didn't tell work until I was 16/17 weeks, and no one is suspecting it so no one guessed. They were fine, because by then I had been back a while and proved my worth again. Boss was obv a bit stressed but coped! If you were planning another child at some point and plan to stay at the job it's only brought it all a bit sooner.

I was gobsmacked when we first found out, and a bit panicky, with a lot of the same concerns for DD as you have. But, as time has passed on, I have got more accepting and excited, and DD has changed so much in the last few months - sleeping and eating better, confidently walking, starting to communicate well etc, it all feels a lot more doable and I can see her being a great older sister.

It does help that I have found this pregnancy a lot easier than with DD and despite having her to look after have had more energy, less sickness etc.

Good luck!

RoseTintedLass · 22/03/2011 21:25

Congratulations!!!

I'm at the other end of the journey :)

My DDs are now 14 and 15 years old respectively. They are 15 months a part in age. The early months were a little challenging but I never regretted having two children so close together.

When I announced I was pregnanat 2 weeks after returning to work they were very graceful in their response (wink)

I now work full time and am paid at the top of my pay band. You'll get there in the end if that's what you want.

Good luck.

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