anxiety. how do you cope? what do you do?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Just what the title says, really. I'm 29 weeks and got various medical investigations coming and it all feels intolerably too much and impossible to cope with. The medical system is unable/unwilling to do anything to help but I've got a great midwife and have had lots of counselling and hypnotherapy but really nothing can reduce my anxiety sufficient for this to feel bearable. If I wasn't pregnant I'd have a few drinks (regardless of whether or not it would be safe, the smell of wine is currently making me heave) and if I didn't feel too ill to walk safely (hence medical investigations) I'd go for a long energetic run. In the past valium has helped but only at doses too high ever to be safe during third trimester. My GP has warned me that if she ever hears me experiencing this level of anxiety during pregnancy that SS will call a case conference to assess my parenting capability, so I'd obviously rather not let her know how I'm feeling... but otherwise, I feel as though I'm doing everything that I can and nothing is working.

Has anyone ever felt like this and survived? And if so, how, and what helps?

Hi love, firstly just expressing sympathy and sending you a big HUG

I have no experience of your position, but it sounds like your GP isn't helping. What a terrible thing to tell an anxious, pregnant woman. Shame on her!! The last thing you should be encouraged to do is bottle this up. I can only assume you have lots of valid reasons for your concerns and that getting the right counselling/advice/assistance could make all the difference.

Hopefully some other mnetters can give specific advice on how to approach this.

Structured help like CBT can really help, things which focus on actual strategies rather than just talking about it. I did a specific course with a psychologist building up a kind of toolkit of techniques for self-management in my first pregnancy which I have used many times since.

I don't want to pry into whether you've had involvement with Social Services before, but if not, I doubt very much that the first response to you suffering extreme anxiety would be an assessment into your parenting ability. I understand why this would make you not want to tell your GP about it, but that's why what she said was counterproductive. I would talk to her again, explain why you're worried, say you want to be able to trust her without the threat of SS involvement. It's important you can confide in someone.

You will get through it, but you need support not threats. And I'm sure you are doing everything you can - it's not your fault you feel like this. Hope this helps

Is it the medical stuff that is triggering the anxiety? If so then keep reminding yourself that they will eventually be over and that you will get through it. I can't imagine why your GP thought threatening you with SS would help you. Scaring people does not help them control their anxiety problems.

I have a friend who suffers really badly with anxiety. There have been times where she though she would be stuck that way permanently but it always eases off in the end. You will survive. Is there a family member you could talk to?

Like Pip said, that's appalling of your GP to fob you off like that and even make threats! Can you see another GP? I'm only 12 weeks pregnant but have been anxious since the day I found out and I understand it's absolutely normal, especially if you have concrete reasons to worry. You're not alone and you shouldn't feel ostracised by the doctors.

I find that talking over my anxieties with someone who I know will understand helps me immensely. From Mumsnet to a close friend and, of course, my partner. Do you know any friends who have been or are currently pregnant? Can you have a chat with them to offload?

Good luck with your medical investigations and I hope it all goes well for you.

More sympathy coming your way. Your GP is being an arse. I've found pregnancy to be extremely anxiety-making so far (panic attacks, the full monty) and as you've had all your previous coping strategies taken away because they're not safe for you right now it's understandable that you are feeling stressed - especially as you are feeling ill as well.

I wish I could be more helpful. But you are definitely not alone and perhaps a way forward would be to see another GP at your practice if possible? They seem to vary wildly as to how understanding of anxiety and depression they are and the bad ones just don't get it at all. You need support right now, wherever you can get that from - it's good that your MW at least is being helpful.

Other things I've found helpful are gentle antenatal pilates/yoga exercises as it makes you focus on breathing and empties your head for a bit, and trying to make sure that I'm getting as much sleep as I need to - lack of sleep tends to make things a whole lot worse I've found.

This technique can be really useful too, but takes a bit of practice - some trusts do courses and stuff though so you might be able to get some help with it if you think it looks any good.

Thanks for all the hugs and support. Regarding the GP and SS, when I'm thinking clearly about the situation I can usually see that the child protection system has more pressing priorities than a stressed pregnant woman with a happy child and supportive partner, and that the GP merely got her knickers twisted by a few idiots overworked and undertrained individuals within SS, but I'm probably not being rational enough to realise that just now.

Regarding what I'm going to do... nothing physical is really an option but certainly, I know I need to talk to people. Several of my close friends are pregnant at the moment (and none of them having perfect pregnancies either) and that helps. And CBT is a good idea. I'm sure the NHS waiting lists would be years long, but I'm so desperate to get through this I'd pay anything I could afford to go private.

Still waiting for dates/times etc for hospital appointments. Certainly, the waiting can be the worse bit. The hospital departments in question have so little experience of dealing with younger people or women that they're not used to fitting in with pregnancy milestones, due dates etc...

Just reading the mindfulness link, too. Thanks.

I've got a housefull of kids asking where I am this minute, but I'll be back ASAP...

Breastmilk
I'm 33 weeks tomorrow with DC3 and have been experiencing UNBEARABLE levels of anxiety. Also been having panic attacks - a couple yesterday and a couple tomorrow.

GP very kind and referred me to antenatal counselling; but had the "social services will take your kids away" crap from my mother (of course). I think this is highly unlikely considering I am happily married and have no record of deviant behaviour but it just takes one person to come out with this nonsense and the paranoia sets in.

I really feel for you - it's horrible being in this state. I just don't feel like myself any more.

Also, there is this loathsome stereotype of the placid cow like pregnant woman who just loves her "bump" and only thinks about her "birth plan".

Old cow more like and I call my bump "the hump" because that is what it gives me.

I know I will love the baby and everything will ultimately be ok, but at the moment it all seems a bit crap.

message me if you want to chat.

breastmilk just wanted to let you know that although it may be different in your area, I had CBT for anxiety during my pregnancy and I was put at the top of the list because of it so don't assume you'll have to wait ages.
Panic attacks are so debilitating, I still have them now (going back to CBT on Weds as it did have an affect honestly!) and my DS is 7 weeks old. The only thing I found helpful was walking (even up and down the hall in my flat) and when you're uncomfortable with a huge bump it's not really something you want to do.
Wish you lots of luck and you're right that SS have other things to do than worry about someone who is obviously a good mum already

I just feel as though I can't do this any more... though what does that mean? I can't not be pregnant; I can't not be potentially life-threateningly ill (which is why I'm stuck in the midst of all this medical drama); I can't stop the NHS endlessly passing me between pillar and post and delaying/losing every set of test results/hospital notes. Even if I could get past the anxiety I'd still have the reality of a very frightening situation to contend with.

But thank you lucy and need to sleep for your kind words. I know, though, that even as a priority referral for CBT I would need to wait 10-12 weeks, and I'm due in 11 weeks...

I'm so sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I actually think that anxiety is a natural response to the uncertainty that you're facing. Pregnancy is such a breeding ground for anxiety because the outcome is so important but we have so little control over so many aspects of it and it sounds like your experiences with the NHS have made you feel even less in control.

There are lots of great resources on the Internet. On my phone so can't do links but if you google "Living Life to the Full" that's an interactive website with modules to work through. There is also an Australian website with downloadable workbooks on lots of disorders including one for panic and one for anxiety or worry. They're based on CBT. Mindfulness is also really good for helping anxiety.

I really hope those might help a bit. I understand why you don't want to go to your GP but there may be help available that they can help you access.

Oh and if you want private CBT the professional organization for CBT therapists is the BABCP and they have a list of accredited therapists who do private work.

Thanks. I really appreciate that..

Sorry forgot to post name of Australian website. It's the Centre for Clinical Interventions. Their resources are excellent and appear to be regularly updated to reflect the most recent innovations in CBT practice.

I don't know what CBT is, and am aussie but never heard of the above centre either, so will try and find a link, but I found this website, which is from an aussie university and helped me out a bit:
moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I had massive anxiety and agoraphobia for the first 2 months of this year. I am still struggling, but getting there.
I went from being tough as nails and independant and travelling the world for work and living life to the fullest, to having everything turned upside down and being totally overun and overuled by my body that was now running the show - and I had no choice anymore. I was really ill and not sleeping and exhausted, and it just all piled up until I ended up a comploete anxious mess.
Hindsight it is easy to see why, but at the time I just felt like a mess and a failure that couldn't cope when everyone else can (still comes and goes, but I know better now).

Why the websites only really address post natal depression, I don't know. Just one or two lines of text to say during pregnancy is normal woul be nice to see.
In fact, the only website I found that made me feel less like a freak was this one:
www.practicingparents.com/2009/07/20/antenatal-depression/
I realised I had every symptom on the list, so had to do something.

I went to a proper psychologist when I visited the big city for a checkup, and it ws nice to 'fess up and get it all off my chest, as it turns out I am not nuts, that it is normal to get depressed when pregnant, especially if you aren't having a happy glowing pregnancy like we are.

Psychologist did suggest carbohydrates to help regulate mood - eat a piece of bread and hour and a half before a meal. Actually said "you don't have to eat platelods of pasta, but of you want to it might help".
Also to schedule times to interact physically with friends and others, even if just phone calls or short visits.
Make sure you leave the house every 2 or 3 days.
Try and do one nice thing for yourself a day, even if you don't feel like it - it's the thought that counts and your subconcious will pick up on it after a bit. Like having a nice bath, or reading a nice book or wating a favourite tv show. Something siple.

I also think I will be fine once the baby comes, it is just now that sucks eggs.

Good luck, I hope you can get through this. xox

oh, and this one:
positivelypregnant.org/default.aspx

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to say that reading this thread I really feel for all of you experiencing anxiety during pregnancy, and I am so impressed with the supportive responses being posted.

I have suffered from very debilitating anxiety in the past, took medication for a while and then as I really didn't get on with that, had CBT treatment which helped enormously - changed my life I think. I saw a practitioner at the Oxford Cognitive Therapy Centre who I found through the BABCP (see www.babcp.com/Default.aspx).

Whilst TTC, and for the few months beforehand when I was thinking that decision through, my biggest fear about being pregnant was that the anxiety would return, and now that I'll be 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow it's still my big fear for once the baby is born (that and the possibility of having a panic attack during labour and being unable to breathe ). However, largely thanks to CBT, so far I have been absolutely fine - I'm planning on buying a hypnobirthing CD to help with the labour fear!

Big hugs to all of you - you are not alone.

Thanks, all of you. Just so good to hear I'm not alone. Whereas I think it's great that PND does receive such recognition and support, I agree that there's this myth that pregnancy is easy by comparison.

Just hanging in here, trying to keep breathing...

Hello,

I was thinking about you on my drive to work this morning.
I suffer from anxiety and depression. Have done for many years, take anti-depressants. I spoke to my GP before TTC and she asked for advice from the local hospital who have a department who normally deal with postnatal depression.
The advice was REALLY positive and I am now pregagnt and still taking my medication (i've slightly adjusted my dose). We have to discuss what to do at birth with the drugs and also what to do about breastfeeding. I had always thought I wouldn't be able to have a child because I really can't cope without my meds.

So that's my life story. What I wanted to say was that you could hunt around for some more helpful advice. Look for people who WANT to support you. Of course you shouldn't have to deal with this yourself, nor would I suggest massive tranquillizers but there are options out there that might help you though.

good luck, chin up
katy

Your GP is not good at her job in fact she is terrible. I work in the mental health field as well as occasionally suffering from anxiety, your GP threatening this action as a form of 'help' is worthy of a complaint. Do not put up with it!

Mental health problems are a normal part of life

Especially when going through a life changing time. Changes even good ones like getting married, moving house as well as having a baby rank highly on stress indicator scales.

Also we expect to become physically ill at points during our pregnancy - morning sickness/sore boobs/constipation but little is said about the other side, merely that you might be a bit emotional. Well stress, anxiety and even depression should be recognised as a normal part of this process too.

It seems like you have had some good advice from people on here already, moodgym is a really good tool, also nomorepanic.co.uk are really supportive. I have found acupuncture and massage helpful also relaxation, you can buy some really good guided CDs. I too use exercise but have had to change the high impact aerobic to yoga which is great for anxiety. I also find that cutting down on caffeine and sugar helps too. Attack it from all angles!

Good Luck xxx

Katy Thank you for thinking of me. I agree with you, being surrounded by positive and supportive people does help. At the moment, I'm really trying to stick with those.

I hope you can find meds which work for you and allow breastfeeding. For me, succeeding in breastfeeding DD was an incredible confidence boost, as well as a lovely bonding experience. And the oxytocin it produces really does make you feel all warm and snuggly, too.

George I think it was not so much the GP's incompetence, but simply her lack of experience, lack of confidence and the way a few individuals from Social Services were intimidating her. Maybe I'm letting her off the hook too easily but from my own experience of the individuals involved, I can see why she has responded as she has. (I did complain against them, and SS merely used my complaint as 'evidence' to support their flimsy allegations against me... whole other story, and hopefully now a finished chapter)

More constructively, I've never tried acupuncture. I'd be interested to give it a try...

I did a hypnobirthing class... that was really helpful. In general, any yoga practice or swimming help me clear my mind. Hang in there!