Tips for first-timer in rural area

[Daisybell1]

Hi there

I hope this is the right place to post this, if not, please can someone direct me to a better spot?

I'm nearly 15 weeks with my DC1 (I know that I'm thinking about things early, but I'm starting to freak out about this).

I live with OH in a very small village in a very rural area, 10 mins drive/45 mins walk to nearest small town, 45mins to MW led unit/1hr 20 to hospital, and 45mins to nearest large supermarket.

I know I'm lucky to be having DC1 in such a beautiful area, plus OH is a farmer so, although he won't get paternity leave, he is in and out during the day. He is currently lambing 600 sheep so understands the biology / feeding / 'animal' side of all this.

However I'm starting to worry about how I'll cope being in this relatively isolated area once DC1 arrives. Is anyone else in a similar situation and does anyone have any specific tips for coping in the first few days/weeks/months when living quite remotely?

Hi Daisy

I live in a rural area. But don't have the problems with distance that you do. So I can't help on that score.

But I wanted to say my DH is also a farmer and I'm with you on the "no paternity leave" worry! They don't have a day off each week do they, so asking for them to stay home for a fortnight just isn't going to happen is it!

I'm having twins and a likely c-section too.

Also, I've told him in no uncertain terms not to compare me to sheep/cows!

Anyway, best of luck. If you want to share farmers wife moans then I'm all ears!

Hi

I live in a little village, and although i think you may be a little more isolated than i am, i may have an idea how you feel.

My advice would be to attend all classes, hospital visits ect. that you can, so that you meet other mums to be. No community is going to magicly appear at your doorstep, but all those other mums to be that ARE in 'your area' (all beit a large one) will be going somewhere - maybe the same hospital/antenatal classes as you?

Plus, search on mums net for anyone close to you to chat with. Start a thread for ladies having babies in the area for example. I did and it worked!

If its any comfort when baby gets to nursary school age you will definately meet loads of other mums!

Hope that helps a bit?

Good luck xx

I live rurally similar distances to most things as you apart from my hospitl is nearer (only 45 minutes) and the MW led unit is almost 2 hours away.
My DH whilst he isn't a farmer he is a contractor and works away, and loses stupid money which to be honest we can't afford to lose if he takes time off.

I attended to local mother and toddler group once the baby arrived, and have a great relationship with neighbours, one of which is a midwife and a breastfeeding councillor.

With my first I also attended all the hospital classes.

With my first I was out and about as normal after a couple of days so apart from having the little bundle nothing much else in changed.

I'm also expecting my first in a rural area, though am nearer to the hospital than you are, about 40 mins. Lived here for 7 years and made zero friends locally (it's an army village and we're not army, and I work in a company that is 95% male).

I like my own company, but now I'm scared and lonely with nobody to talk to about all my little fears. Mumsnet is a godsend, to be honest. Hopefully once I start going to classes and so on, and then actually have the baby, I'll meet more people.

Good luck and congratulations :)

We've just moved to a rural area, 30 mins from town. There are advantages!

Compared to living in the city we've found the health visitors are a lot more helpful and they have a lot more time. My dsil had her 2 dc round here and said the midwives were really good and make a real effort to support you because it can be isolating. You get to know and hopefully trust their advice (often in a city you see a different one each time, who all have different opinions). So hopefully you will find this too.

And like you say your oh is around. No panicing about getting stuck in rush hour when you need to get to the hospital. And (hopefully) you have space - its no fun bringing up a baby in a teeny flat with traffic, noisy neighbours etc.

Lots of breastfeeding groups welcome pregnant women so its worth finding what is in your area. Your midwife may also be able to tell you where mums with babies hang out. Don't assume there won't be anything because its rural - other mums will be in your position and probably keen to meet.

And god yes Mumsnet!

Oh and ignore all the usual MN advice about not buying stuff until you need it. Once you are ready to buy stuff it will give you peace of mind to know you have bottles, medcines you might never use etc on standby!

I live in similar rural area, and have found the following.....

Your health visitor will most likely have a list of local groups, mother and baby groups, breast feeding groups, toddler groups etc in village halls. These will be an excellent way to meet other nearby parents.

Have a look at the notice boards in your local community centres now - for whatever reason I think some local groups (music, social groups, activities) are really badly advertised, and often only have little notices in a badly lit hall telling everyone about them. Look at notice boards in libraries, doctors' surgeries, village halls and leisure centres.

For what is is worth, I've met my favourite people at the library and at music groups. I'm sure you'll find some groups close to you that are worth going to.

Thanks for all the tips, I feel a bit more reassured that I'm not the only one out there!

There are NCT classes (again 40mins away) and we're not eligible for the NHS ones as we're 'out of area'. But hopefully there'll be someone else at the NCT ones from nearby. Misty I'll do a search for people locally - thank you for the tip!

I've started having a poke around in the local library and there seems to be a travelling sure start centre in the town, but I'm not sure at what age we can pop along to this. I'll ask my MW/HV for details of others. Thanks Only.

I agree with you Albrecht that the care seems to be more attentive out in the sticks - we have a small community midwifery team so we should get to know them all which is nice. And we are soooo lucky to have the space for LO to go feral.

Nunnie how did you find out about the breastfeeding counsellor - this is one area which really concerns me... You have my sympathies about being alone when OH works away - do you have anyone else who could come and stay?

Good luck and congrats to you too Katie. I know exactly where you're coming from with not knowing people - I do know people here, I must confess, but they're all related to my OH. There's no-one I can moan to about him!

PS Brassica you have a PM!

www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

My neighbour is also based in the local hospital and is on hand if needed for mums on wards or delivery.

Don't let it concern you there are plenty of helplines and support groups out there.

I have managed with both my children and DH working away (at the moment he is only away from early Monday morning till late evening Thursday so could be much worse), so hopefully number 3 will be as easy.

Try not to worry, I know you probably feel very isolated but when you start looking you will be suprised how much there is out there to help.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk

I had a really useful breastfeeding book here which I read a couple of times before the birth, that gave me the confidence I could succeed in breastfeeding, and then I called the helplines if there was any issues afterwards.

You can search for local breastfeeding groups here

And that you are not eligible for your NHS classes - what are you supposed to do then?

You have described almost exactly our situation. Here's what I found:

• We did NCT classes before the birth, but the friends we made are from a very wide area so although great friends, they are not local enough to meet with regularly.
• The best success of meeting others / getting support was through the weekly post natal classes run by our local HV. I meet a great group of other rural mums with babies near the same age.
• Find out about Surestart and get registered to receive the regular programme of what's going on. We received a quarterly list of various meetings and classes, e.g. first aid, baby massage, baby play sessions, etc.
• Attend the regular HV clinic to have your baby weighed. Many areas combine this with a drop in / play session so getting your baby weighed is really just an excuse to go along and see others!
• Look at all the noticeboards on village shops, halls, churches, nurseries, etc. I was amazed to learn how many playgroups, singing groups, etc there were in the various villages around us. Many of these have nothing to do with the HV or Surestart so you might only hear about them through word of mouth.
• Contact your local Family Information Service. It is run by the county council. Get yourself registered and pester them for any info they can send you.
• Ingratiate yourself with the community MW and HV. Ask them for lots of info about local meetings / classes / groups. If they know you are interested they might send you all sorts of things they hear about.

If your experience is like mine, you will be amazed once you realise how much is out there. But do make sure you go along. It is quite a challenge to get into the routine of leaving the house each day with a new baby so give yourself lots of time to practice, and don't be hard on yourself if you turn up late to everything - the important thing is that you get there.

All the best!

Take a walk about 9:30 and look for buggies, say hi to other mums and ask them what is about. Look at noticeboards in the local shops.

Frankly I live rurally and it's a blessed relief not to be overwhelmed because for the first four months with your first you are just so busy with doing the babycare to do much else. Just get out and have a walk every day. You can move onto swimming/classes/coffee mornings later on.

In terms of the birth though - don't worry, you'll probably have a very long time to get to the hospital :)

The only thing I know about being in a rural area is that you're not allowed to go near sheep.
I'll find a link.

here

ooh nickel i was just thinking of that when i read that Daisy's DH was lambing.