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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Im feeling so sad... please help.

16 replies

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 14:34

Background: TTC 5 years, 2 MC's in 2010 and now found out Im pregnant.

now: Ive been in tears all week my DH doesnt understand me, but I dont want this pregnancy. Im scared, I feel alone, none of my close friends have babies yet and Im just not ready. I find myself willing this all to be over naturally as I dont want to lose my husband I love him so much.

Im so very scared.

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maxpower · 18/03/2011 14:37

OP, I had a friend who felt exactly the same - a very wanted baby, but when she actuially fell pregnant she didn't want it and was so concerned she'd do something stupid, she spent weeks making sure she was never left alone. I understand this can be a form of ante-natal depression and is more common than you think. Speak to your GP/midwife if you feel able to.

Original poster

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 14:38

I tried and he said it was all about getting the balance right in my head and only I can do that.

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YummyMummyBella · 18/03/2011 14:42

Why do you feel you are not ready if you have been TTC? Are you sure your not just apprehensive about this pregnancy because you suffered 2 MC's. I am 14 weeks pregnant and I have to admit there are times I question the pregnancy because it is such a huge thing but then I remember the joy and happiness the baby will bring. Try to talk to your husband and if your still feeling lost talk to a therapist. But I'm sure everyone has doubts about having a baby, it can seem a scary place but you'll pull through. I'm just confused as to why you were TTC if you didn't want a baby...

Okonomiyaki · 18/03/2011 14:42

Poor you, that sounds really difficult. If your gp hasn't been helpful then could you get in contact with your midwife? You need some proper support.

Original poster

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 14:44

I thought that is what I wanted, but now the reality I dont. I keep getting stitch pains in my side and hoping it will all be over soon. I so ashamed I feel like this.

OP posts:

maxpower · 18/03/2011 14:45

well that's not very helpful - what about your midwife (if you have one yet)?

This Organisation might also be a source of support

SelinaDoula · 18/03/2011 14:46

((hugs))
I was TTCmy DD for 3 years and was very shocked when I did get pregnant and scared, I also didn't have any friends with kids.
I think everyone has days when they think, 'what have I done!'
This is a useful website-
positivelypregnant.org/default.aspx
You could also rthink about hiring a Doula (we're not just for birth!) to suport you during the pregnancy and help you prepare to be a Mum.
I have had clients that contacted me at 8-12 weeks pregnant that I have supported all the way through (some have had existing mental health problems or emotional issues)
For more info and to find one in your area see-
doula.org.uk/
Selina x

maxpower · 18/03/2011 14:47

Also, we TTC for 2 years + for both of my DCs and both times I realised I was pregnant, I was initially consumed by fear and dread and a sense of what the hell have I done. It's natural to be anxious as you don't know what having a baby will be like, what effect it will have on you, your DH and your lives.

Original poster

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 14:51

What Im scared about is going through with it to not upset my husband, as I know he desperately wants this. I love him so much he is my world but I really want this to all be over naturally so I dont have to hurt him.

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SenoritaViva · 18/03/2011 14:52

Hi Laptopgirl

I think you should try and see a different GP. You need some help, listen to the others. You are not the first to have felt like this and won't be the last. During my pregnancy I oscillated between excitement and pure terror. There were times when I thought like you and I was wholly surprised when DD arrived and I loved her immediately (very unexpected). It can work, but you need support (professionally).

Don't worry that you don't have any friends with children. You will meet so many new friends this way. Firstly through the baby, then via school.

I am sure your DH will stand by you. Take a deep breath and find out a little more about the help you can get.

Lots of hugs.

nervatious · 18/03/2011 14:54

It's normal to feel like you don't want to be pregnant because it's such a shock, must be especially bad because you have been trying for so long. It doesn't necessarily make sense but don't be hard on yourself because it's basically a shock reaction. Your GP doesn't sound very sympathetic - I would recommend counselling, could help you come to terms with the grief about the other babies which is what may be causing this feeling.

ShowOfHands · 18/03/2011 15:02

You're feeling a lot of things atm, many of them you probably just don't know what to do with. Grief, shock, fear.

I think what you've done is found a way of coping with what has happened to you in the last few years and you've coped because you've had to. And now everything's changed and you've started down a familiar road and you don't know what to do with that. Plus, you go into a sort of shock where you switch to the opposite of what you might have felt before. You distance yourself from the pregnancy to the point of revulsion. You don't want it, because then you never attach to it and never have to grieve for it. And if you miscarry and tell yourself you welcome it, it doesn't hurt as much.

All of it, every bit of what you feel right now is a complex reaction to what you've been through. And you should NOT have to do it alone. Find another GP asap and talk to them. Antenatal depression is common and you've been through enough. You shouldn't be left alone to deal with it and a good GP should be helping you out and quickly.

Original poster

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 15:08

But what can a GP do to help? Mine just said its all about getting your head in the right place, he said make yourself think of the good things, then intime the weights will shift and instead of feeling how I am, I will feel happy.

I keep having twinges and keep wiping myself waiting for the blood signs that its over, but alas it isnt.

I love my husband so very much I just want to be with him, I want to enjoy our life together but I know if I admit to how I feel (As I tried earlier in the week) he will in the end hate me for it. He started shouting at me saying I dont understand you. He is the calmist, nicest person you could ever meet. But Im scared admitting to him how I really feel will turn him against me forever.

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ShowOfHands · 18/03/2011 15:25

The GP is right when it's just a normal straightforward situation. Most women, even if they've never had to go through what you've been through ie years of trying and miscarriages, feel shocked and frightened when they get pregnant. And it does shift in time and is replaced with excitement.

But your reaction is bigger than that. You're having some frightening and very upsetting thoughts. And the GP should be referring you to somebody, whether that is a midwife who is trained in antenatal depression or somebody else.

SelinaDoula · 18/03/2011 15:34

Did you feel like thies when you were pregnant before you miscarried?
S x

Original poster

Laptopgirl · 18/03/2011 15:41

No, because my first MC I didt know what was happening - I didnt even know I was preg. The 2nd I found out I was pg in the am and by the afternoon I was in hospital and told I was likely to MC it then happened 8 days later.

Thank you for all your kind replies I appreciate it and Im starting to calm down a little.

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