Work question - is this too much?

[Newmummytobe79]

Hi all,

Please can you let me know your thoughts on this and if you?d just carry on or say something?
Work is pretty manic and I feel I?m losing it slightly (as do my colleagues!) and I don?t know if I?m being petty or if it?s a bit out of order? Basically we all live approx 1 hour from work so we?re all up pre 6am to get to the office for 8am. We work our lunch most days and often stay an hour after our finish time ? this has increased for the other girls as I?ve had emails on my Blackberry gone 8pm at night (I can?t stay this late as I?m usually half asleep!).

My boss is a workaholic and I often have emails on my phone ranging from 6am ? midnight ? which stresses me out as I feel guilty for not working longer hours (stupid I know!)

The girls are now working weekends on their laptops but I just don?t want to but I know my boss is probably expecting me to do the same but I leave the house at 6.45am and often don?t get home until gone 7pm and then I?m asleep on the sofa by 8pm so like to spend the weekends with my husband and family ? and of course catching up on all the week?s chores!

We?re a small team and deadlines have started to be missed and we all admit to each other that we?re waking up at 3am stressing about work.

I?m 16.5 weeks and I know stress is bad for baby but I don?t want to say anything as I feel they?ll think I?m ?pulling the pregnancy card?. I?m not work shy and spent the first two days of this week travelling up and down the country ? but I just don?t know how much longer I can do this for!

Am I being petty ladies?

P.S ? I?m not on a huge wage to justify this ? and I?m guessing the girl staying until 8/9pm at night isn?t even on £20k but working +50 hours a week

What does your contract state? Have you told your boss you're pregnant and have they done a risk assessment?

It does sound like too much, regardless of the wages and culture that has been created. "Pulling the pregnancy card" is something that may have to be done to keep yourself sane and baby safe - or you could look at it as asserting your rights positively and professionally.

It's tough.
I work in a very competitive environment and since getting pregnant I know I'm not performing as well as usual and it's starting to stress me out.

Only my manager knows I'm pregnant for the moment and he's nice about it but it doesn't stop the amount of work that I need to do.

I've previously been very career-focused but I've decided to slow down for my health and my baby's health. I would be devastated if I lost the baby because of overwork.

I think you're not being petty - you really need to lay down some guidelines and cut-back on the hours/stress. See if you can't better prioritise the work.

How long have you worked for the company? My one comfort is that I've been there years and have worked with my current manager for over a year (which is a long time in my area) and he knows I'm not a slacker - at least not usually. So I'm hoping that he'll cut me a break for now.

However, if having this baby seriously impacts my future in the company, well then I'll leave and find another job

My contract states I have to work 37.5 hours a week with an hour unpaid lunch day. I also had a risk assessment at 12 weeks and I'm due one again next week ... so perfect timing I guess!
I just don't want the others to think I'm slacking because I'm pregnant as they have a life outside work too, but like you say ... something has to give!x

It is really tough; but ultimately, it doesn't matter what other people think of you - there is legislation to protect you and I would, if you can, be honest and explain the pressure you're feeling because of the culture and expectations placed upon you. And just because people email you at silly o'clock, they may not have a life! It sounds really heartless (and easy for me to say) but that's their choice and you don't have to make the same choices.

Take care, through my first pregnancy, I had people making insinuations that I shouldn't have additional 'rights' and I had to toughen up, smile and just say "but I have and my health/my baby's health is the most important thing" - and they stopped!!

Nothing is more important than your baby, not your job, your boss, your co-workers, none of it.
In my first pregnancy I worked much too hard (my job is physical, long hours and guilt inducing). I didn't really relate to the bump as a baby so it felt like putting myself first which I'm not used to doing.
My baby was born on time (1 week after I stopped work!) but with IUGR and spent time in SCBU. I don't smoke, didn't have high BP, placenta looked fine. I couldn't help thinking that maybe my stress and overwork was a contribution.
Please just put your foot down and say no.

Thanks so much for your support ladies - I really do want to put my baby first but like Mamadoc I find it hard as it's my first pregnancy. I've just started feeling baby 'somersault' so I think that will help me realise there is something more important than stressing over work! I have made a consious decision to take my lunch break today (I need to go and buy fuel!) and to go home on time as I have plans to meet friends and it's unfair of me to cry off/turn up hours late again due to work! Fingers crossed I stick to it! x

I agree with mamadoc and the others. Nothing is more important than your baby, and you keeping your health for you and your baby. I don't really have too much experience of this (I've never been someone who places too much importance on the work side), but I also understand how difficult it can be to stand up and say something when under so much pressure. I also hope you put your foot down and say no.

Just remember that you are obviously a very talented person, and there are other places where you can do really well in your career and be treated better. Take care and let us know how it goes.

With my first I was in a very stressful job and ended up working 14 hours a day 7 days a week, it was not worth it and a couple of times I had to be sent home on the verge of callopse, did I get more thanks for pushing myself so much, of course not.

This time with my third im in a much less stressful job but still had to pull my boss up for giving me too much work, he apologised when I explained that I wasn't able for as much as he was giving me. Sometimes they really don't realise how much we are able for so it's better to say it. I hate that saying "pulling the pregnancy card" pregnancy is bloody tough and we shouldnt do as much as we would if we werent pregnant.

I think you have to set your own limits or employers will just take the piss more and more, especially in this climate where it isn't easy to change jobs. Put your foot down and you may find that people respect you more and take advantage less. For me I am busy enough to go full time and my employers would pay for me to do so, but I want my Fridays off! I have already gone from 3 to 4 days voluntarily as the role has grown so much - of course I'm getting paid more and the extra money is handy but I'm not going to FT. That's my boundary.

Your employer is taking the piss. Your entire team should be taking a stand or leaving to get decent jobs that don't take away your life for a pittance of pay.

I do work FT but one day from home - the culture in my place of work is that either "I don't work Fridays" or "have them off" but the most senior HRDirector wants Mums like me (and Dads, I suspect) to role model appropriate behaviour so we can start to change the culture - it won't happen over night, but it is about listening to your body, deciding on your boundaries and sticking to them. Sounds like you've made some good ones for today OP, good luck with them!

Have you specifically opted out of the 48 hour week?
here.

It sounds as though your employer is pushing the whole office more than is reasonable, and that you (as the pregnant one) may be the first to raise the issue, although if this level of working continues they are likely to start experiencing increased levels of sickness across the board.

My boss has been unsympathetic all through my pregnancy, although has allowed me to work one day a week from home, but now I am 33 weeks, with two weeks to go, suffering from severe SPD and have had not one inquiry from her about my health, even though I've been limping around her in the office. She more or less stopped talking to me, told me when I confronted her (which wasn't easy) that I didn't deliver or support her, and has basically made me feel guilty for months that I wasn't performing.

It's awful because I feel, as you clearly do too, that I made massive efforts just to keep the show on the road, and I've had nothing but critism in return. Luckily I'm leaving this job completely and going back to a different one, but I am very worried about what my annual report is going to say, and frustrated that she has behaved like this rather than offering some basic support. She is also a workaholic and finds me 'self-absorbed' for not working as hard as she does.

Sorry, that's more my whinge than addressing your concerns but I have lots of sympathy. Working as hard as you all are and missing deadlines none the less suggests that you are being seriously overloaded. Do you have a senior manager you could talk to at all? And has there been a risk assessment on you?

Stiffy that sounds pretty rubbish, have you commented at your own risk assessments that you don't feel supported? And do you have a Senior Manager you can talk to? Or put in a grievance regarding the way you've been treated?

I've thought a lot about saying something to my senior manager but she is also very busy and because I'm leaving, I feel to a degree that it would make things worse for me to pursue a complaint really. My boss seems fine with all other members of the team so I think it's in part a personality clash and she has made judgements on me based on the fact that I was recruited (over a decade ago!) through a graduate recruitment scheme - sounds ludicrous, doesn't it?! She more or less agreed with the risk assessment which was relatively early on, but if I'd had another, I would have said something. I also feel sorry for my boss, stupidly. She has had a huge amount of work on her plate and I have tried to express support, but not really got very far as she either blanks me or refuses to give me work. Ah well.

As ever with advice, do as I say, not as I do...

you should say something to your boss before your hormones make you shout at him then sob in his office whilst ranting and crying for 20 minutes (as I did yesterday).

on the upside it has made things better for me & 2 colleagues and I think it will continue so it was worth my uber-embarrassment. I dont even think my mum has seen me cry that much.