boyfriend is not handling the stress of pregger gf

[newmid30smom]

last night, my boyfriend and i got into ANOTHER argument, because i am tired and he thinks i am making it up. he wanted to go out to eat at 2130 and i am like what? first of all, i am getting tired, and secondly, i do not feel like smelling food. he says he is trying to be nice and i am being grumpy, but the reality is that i just honetly told him i am not up for it. i did get irritated cuz i am like, what, am i to just watch you eat? i am beginning to not like him so much. how could he not understand?

Bit worrying that you are having a child together.

yes, it is. :( really starting to wonder what to do.

It's pretty typical for partners to just not get it at this stage. It's pretty hard for them to imagine how you can, so quickly, feel so completely different. Let's face it - before you experienced it would you have fully appreciated it yourself? You'll drive yourself mad if you spend the next 8 months, and when you have the baby, wanting him to "understand".

Having said that, a row over it sounds a bit much. Perhaps next time suggest he gets a takeaway and that you eat out for lunch at weekends?

My partner and I have been through that. I think it is hard for them to get their head around what is happening to us as they do not need to make physical adjustments like we do. I have had times where I have been so hormonal our fights can be bad and over the most ridiculous things. I think saying its worrying you are having a child together is very unproductive and the last thing you should worry about as I'm sure we have all had arguments over small things. I don't know what stage of pregnancy you are at but at 32 weeks my partner thinks very differently now as he can now see the obvious changes in my body but there are still things he doesnt understand. We have just learnt to compromise where we can!

I'm presuming you're in early pregnancy here? My partner also found it hard to understand how I was feeling early on, though he tried - to be fair I looked pretty normal. When the bump started showing he became more understanding but of course by then I was feeling better and didn't need so much sympathy! Have you got any friends who have been pregnant, or parents nearby, who you could get talking to about morning sickness/early pg etc while he's there so he can hear their experiences too and see it's not just you making a fuss? I remember myself eye-rolling at a pregnant lady in my office banging on about how horrid she felt and thinking 'surely it can't be that bad?' (of course now I know otherwise!). Go easy on both of you, hormones can be a nightmare (I cried about a piece of furniture being sent with the wrong parts the other day and we had a stupid argument over it!). Try and make life easier if you can, have some simple food in the freezer/cupboard to fall back on and perhaps some individual ready meals for him as a last resort so he can just throw something in the microwave and you can eat whatever you fancy separately. It will get better.

We got this really good book, that helped my DH get his head around it all Expectant Dad's Survival Guide.

Seeing me fast asleep on the sofa when he got in from work helped him to understand too though! If he knows you well enough he should see you're tired (my words get in a muddle and he says he can see it in my eyes). Sometimes guys just get an idea in their head though (I'm being nice and taking her out to dinner) without wondering whether it's appropriate timing or not.

If he hates reading then there are some good websites (do a bit of googling) that might help him and he can read short articles then.

Oh, and get booked on NCT and get him to come with you. My DH is loving hooking up with other guys in the same situation and has learned loads and feels more involved and more understanding now.

Good luck.

I know what you mean, I was reading the Mumsnet Guide to Pregnancy in my early pregnancy, and would make it a point to read bits out aloud and exclaim "Wow did you know that pregnancy can give you back pain as early as 8 weeks? Look at what happened to this poor woman" even though I knew that, I knew that my DH wouldn't really appreciate all of the symptoms and niggles of early pregnancy. But by doing this, randomly every now and then he stopped expecting me to make him eggs for breakfast in the morning (major morning sickness) and would offer me pillows and massages.

Any pregnancy book or website would do, there is loads of information on here about tiredness in early pregnancy, show him or do the whole 'did you know' thing so it seems like you are learning together.

I was told there's a reason a PG lasts for 9 months - to give the fellas time to catch up/get their heads around it. General sweeping stereotype I know, but still it often truer than not.