Pregnant in a high-stress job

[citymonkey]

Hi all

Do any of your work in city / hi-stress jobs which can call for you to work long hours on an ad-hoc basis?

I would be really interested to know how people have handled this and what your employer's reaction was - I am a senior associate at a magic circle law firm. My job can involve working very long hours when the clients demand (eg unusally all nighters, but more common in busy periods are eg 15+ hour days).

I haven't yet told the partners in my group that I am pregnant, mainly because we are waiting to tell our parents together next weekend so I will tell them after that.

When I do tell work, is it reasonable to suggest to them that I would like to keep my working days to 10-12 hours max if possible? I am worried that this might sound like I am trying to shirk or milk the fact I am pregnant. There have and are other pregnant women in my group though as I am not 'out' myself yet I haven't really been able to quiz them on this.

Thoughts??

I was working in an investment bank, doing relatively long hours (now on maternity leave). I found it very hard to address a reduction in hours particularly as my clients were going through a particularly stressful time so was needed in the office at all hours to provide information and cover. It was almost like i wasn't pregnant most of the time, my male boss never mentioned my pregnancy and would often keep me standing by his desk whilst we discussed certain situations for about half an hour (killer on the back when you are over 6 months). However i must admit i expected this as it is a fairly tough environment and very male so wasn't expecting any allowances for my pregnancy. I do wonder sometimes if i had brought up the subject and discussed it with them they may have surprised me so i applaud your decision to be upfront about it and wish you the best of luck. I would also think a law firm are more aware of the legal obligations to a pregnant employee comparative to a bank so may be more open to a change of work hours. Can you suggest working from home on some days? I was able to do this a few times and it makes a difference just not having to get up and battle in to the office - i often took conference calls lying in bed

Thanks Roxy33, that is interesting. My group is also very male dominated and there is very much a mentality of 'shut up and get on with it' which I am generally fine with, but I really don't think I want to be working til 3am during my pregnancy. You would be amazed at how NOT aware of their legal obligations law firms are - though our maternity package is apparently one of the best in the city, I am more concerned about the practicalities of working day-to-day.

I can work from home generally anyway if neeced, and am reachable essentially 24 hours a day, but I want to be able to relax a bit and not have to worry about reachable 24 hours if you see what I mean...

I think I will see how they react when I tell them. I am not expecting them to say anything much other than congratulations, but I think they might go a bit easier on me re workload once they know, without my saying anything. I might be being optimistic...! If it gets to the point where I am having to work crazy hours I am going to have to say something I think. It's not like I would be asking to leave at 6pm evey day or anything. Also really keen to speak to others in the group to hear their experiences...

Was senior associate at city law firm when I was pregnant (have since moved in house). I found it pretty variable. Partners did make slight concessions once I was heavily pregnant (certainly nothing pre 7 months) but it was quickly forgotten if clients wanted something. I found month 8 and 9 very difficult as I was working very long hours at work and my husband was v annoyed when I got home about the hours I was working. Eventually I got fed up and talked to the partners and insisted on a out of the door by 9 rule (I worked up to a week before my due date). I stuck to it despite it causing some difficult conversations (i.e. can you do x? Yes as long as client is happy that I will be leaving at 9 and you tell client that.)

I am quite vocal though - a senior associate who got pregnant just after me ended up moving her maternity leave to start earlier as she couldn't cope with the hours and her partner similarly was getting annoyed with the situation. She didn't want to force the confrontation with the partners/ didn't think she could stick to an agreed exit time and would end up staying to get the work done.

was a big 4 accounting partner when pregnant - twice. Short answer - expect to be knackered and work 'normal' hours if you think you might come back and/or progress further. But saying that - a lot of the men I worked with were great, most were fathers, and cut me a bit of slack. Did still travel quite a bit and worked when my M/leave had officially started, both at home on client business. No 2 came early, only a few days, as I was planning to work til bitter end and I am convinced this was after I had a row with technical the day before. Had 2 embarassing incidents - once when fellow partner announced to client I'd had to go to loo as bladder was so weak (thanks...) and once falling over due to weak ligaments. Skinned knees, threw papers everywhere. Make sure you keep snacks with you, sit down as much as possible and don't carry heavy stuff. Make use of any juniors to fetch and carry for you. Work from home if possible, go in a bit late - make it as easy as possible wihtout looking as if you are not pulling you weight

Citymonkey - congratulations!

I'm also a senior associate in a magic circle law firm and am about 19 weeks pregnant. My head of department made it clear when I got married last year that I had lost focus on my job and therefore should find another one... I'm therefore trying to make sure I look after myself first off, am trying to use holiday strategically in the hope that I don't get too tired and to keep other associates or trainees involved in my cases so I can delegate more easily. I've turned my blackberry to silent so I don't hear incoming emails (if it's urgent, they can phone me) and check it when it suits me rather than every ten minutes. I think the pregnancy hormones have also helped me to relax a bit too.

Good luck and remember to look after yourself!

You women are absolute troopers! I work in marketing for a health drink company, (not as fast paced as what you girls do, but it does keep me on my toes), and it involves a lot of travelling up and down the country to talk to health professionals and do promotional work. I moved hell and highwater (still going on) to make sure that I wasn't doing over 12 hours, to make sure that they did a risk assessment so they knew which aspect of the job I was happy doing and not so happy doing (i.e overnight stays, being on my feet for over 12 hours)I wasn't satisfied with their risk assessment (more of a 2 min chat - a totally rubbish one, so I got in an Occupational Health Therapist to do a proper one! I made such a HUGE fuss that they totally hate me, and I'm still trying to push for things such as a chair to sit on if we're out promoting.

Mind you if I truly believed that this job was essential for my career, I may not have been so fussy. But anyway, rant over... my main point that I just wanted to say was...

You girls are an inspiration!

BTW I'm 28+6 and have been fighting with work since I was 6 weeks! :D

For the last 10 years I've been with professional services firms (investmant banking then actuarial consultancy.) IME those who stated what they could and couldn't do got more respect for it. Others were walked over and not appreciated. A lot obviously depends on your dept / manager etc. A proper risk assessment is a minimum though. IME unfortunately HR were cr@p and generally just there to keep the fee-earning rates up; no interest in employees, so I'd advise checking your legal rights rather than relying on HR to do the right thing.

I applaud you being upfront btw.

Also of course it depends on whether you see yourself returning to the same level of responsibility or the same company after having the baby. If not, don't do yourself a disservice by killing yourself while pg.

Way I see it.....my boss won't be holding my hand on my death bed.

Look after number one and the satellite attachment, life is more important than any transient project at work. In the grander scheme of things it is only a short period of time out of a career.

work from home
delegate
reduce hours

I definitely see myself coming back at the same level of responsibility, though will have to see how that works with a little 'un... 15 hour days not compatible with a toddler I'm guessing...

Hi, I am lawyer as well but nowhere near your level. I find law is generally incompatible with personal life let alone children. You already said yourself if clients want you they will reach you. It is worth addressing the issue of working hours but I am guessing you might not get what you want since this is a tough profession. It does depend on your relatioship with your supervising partner etc. I wish you all the best and like smb already said look after number one, your baby is far more important than any job!

I'm a lawyer too - ex-City. I bailed a few years ago and went in-house. When pg with DS1 I occasionally had to work longer hours, particularly in the run up to going on mat leave but at its worst was maybe 8-8 and not for long stretches.

I returned full-time when DS was 11 months (interviewed for and got a promotion while on mat leave) but my hours are really good, mostly 8.30-4.30/5ish and only limited work at home every now and then. I do use a City firm though and shove work their way and then toddle off leaving them to do the hours.

My work is v v family friendly though. Lots of women in senior positions, most of them with kids and genuine commitment to work life balance. I probably earn about 60% of what I would have in the City but the other benefits in terms of it being something that works with family life and stress make it worth it.

A career in law and life can be balanced but I really know how lucky I am.

Pg with DC2 at the moment and although I think the Director I report to is stressing a bit about cover while I am off, he is too professional to let it show much.

I am a City lawyer but was a PSL by the time I was pregnant, which makes everything re life/work easier to manage. In my experience the partners have been fairly aware with fee earners that pregnancy isn't an excuse for slacking but a genuine reason why they may have to reduce the pressure a little. One assistant in our team was absolutely shattered in her first trimester and ending up having to tell the partners early (before 12 weeks) - they did reduce her hours and their own expectations of her. Law firms are very hierarchical male places and sometimes that needs to be challenged. Do try appealing to their inner human being (it's in there somewhere) - if you need to sit down, just say "Sorry, I just need to sit down" and go and get a chair. If you need to go to the loo in the middle of a long meeting, just get up, say "Excuse me" and pop out. Also, you are going to have to pass your clients to someone else while you are on maternity leave, so perhaps start that process early? You could use "smooth handover" type reasons if you need to justify it to people. When you are in the thick of a successful City career it is all consuming but you may find that your perspective changes when you have had the distance which maternity leave gives you.

Anyway, good luck with your pregnancy and I hope they are fair with you.

I was a senior associate at a magic circle law firm and after about 6 years of working in private practice went inhouse at an investment bank about 2 years ago. I'm 14 weeks tomorrow (with my first) and cannot imagine how I would have handled the long hours/client demands in private practice over the past few months with the very normal and very mild pregnancy symptoms I've had. So tiredness and queasiness but not terrible morning sickness. I don't know how you girls do it and tip my hat off to you. And it's not just the regular long hours and demanding clients you need to keep up with, there's also that internal kind of pressure that exists where I think you do feel the need to kind of keep up with your peers and "contribute" - especially if you aim to return to your position and expect a similar level of career progression on return.

Moving in house has made a huge change for me and I have been able to leave work around 630pm over the past few weeks and switch off in the evenings/head to bed early. I think who you work with/for makes a difference, so if people are understand and supportive then that's great.

I know it's easier said than done but just remember to looking after yourself and baby as that is ultimately what it's all about. After my time in private practice - I do tend to think that the firms squeeze what they can from people without giving a huge amount back and at the end of the day, you don't owe them any obligations. Just be firm when you can otherwise from memory partners tend to just assume there are no issues unless someone is jumping up and down in front of them.

Congrats everyone and hope things work okay workwise for you..!

Hello all,

A quick question to all the super moms around... I see that its quite difficult to handle pregnancy when you are in a senior position such as a senior associate at an MC firm. Do you think its any better to be pregnant while you are a trainee at an MC firm as trainees are not in the critical path generally? Just dreading how to handle the new role (as a trainee), be amongst the 23-yr old kids and to be pregnant! Sorting entering into unchartered territory I guess. But I am very dedicated and take my job seriously. Hoping things will be easier than what I imagine them to be. Any insight will be very helpful! Many thanks!

I found like others that you get a bit of slack but if the client needs you till 10 and beyond every night then I ended up doing it. I know pregnant women who have done all nighters which is taking things too far. At the end if the day your priority has to be the health of your child. A few late nights here and there probably won't hurt. V high stress and constant long hours may do.

As regards being pregnant whilst a trainee, it is do able and my approach is always to make decisions based on your family priorities and not a job. That said I do think it is easier to have a baby when a bit more senior as easier to work from home and less need to worry about job competition on qualification.

Had gone in house when pregnant with no2 but working and travelling on large international restructuring project for last few months of pregnancy. Very long days to the end. In the office the day DC due. My choice largely as I was determined to deliver the project. DD2 was over 10lbs and ahead developmentally from the start and still is. So while I would say don't put undue stess on you or baby, it doesn't necessarily cause a problem.

Yeah... competition on qualification is definitely something to think about. I am hoping that showing commitment during pregnancy and as well as after delivery will probably help my case that I am dedicated (and hence should be retained). That said, my health and my child's health is the utmost priority. Glad to hear that a little bit of over-stress may not necessarily have a long-term effect :)

Reading with interest ladies and practically making notes!

Am not in law/the city but director at global creative agency. country i work in gives 45 days maternity (!!!!)

high pressure, high stress, 12-14 hour days, super work-hard culture.

i'm 24 weeks and as yet work don't know - partly as i've had a very high risk pregnancy, partly as i am dreading telling them. i cannot imagine any allowances will be made for me, other colleagues (in 5 yearsi have only know 2 get pregnant) have literally gone into labour whilst working (trying to keep some of those precous 45 days leave for AFTER the baby comes.)

i cannot actually think about the giving birth/maternity leave/coming back to work situation without filling with dread. this isn't really a job for anyone with children, at least not with babies. most people here stop working completely.

thank you for sharing all the experiences, thy have given me a lot to think about.

While I wasn't as busy as some of you ladies, I was very busy and career focused before ds was born. I recommend finishing work as early as you can, it takes a little while to adjust to being at home and I felt work became really stressful once I started to slow down after 34 weeks or so and my ability to think things through diminished. I left at 36 weeks and made some mistakes in my last couple of weeks that I wouldn't have made earlier. Plus, that time at home was what I really needed to change gears. Am pg again and plan to leave at 34 weeks this time for the above reason s!

I ran a large Sales and Marketing company whilst PG with DD, 9 years ago. It wasn't only mentally stressful, it was also very physically demanding. Lots of travel, 12 hour days in the field training new managers, followed by 3 hours in the office etc etc. I would have worked until I went into labour I think but DD was breach so had an ELCS. Worked until the day before I was due in, and was taking calls etc the morning of having her lol.

Went back to work when she was 3 weeks old whilst still EBF (I became an expert at expressing with one hand whilst on speaker phone and making notes) and carried on where I left off.

When she was about 3 months old I lost the plot lol. Left my job, the wanker I was living with (DD's father), left the house, my friends, everything. Came back home, lived with my mum and got a part time job in a pub.

I'm now 13+5 and this time I love being PG. I work from home on a very PT basis, have a sweetheart of a DP who earns enough to keep the 3, soon to be 4 of us and is adamant I will rest and enjoy this PG, and then the baby when he/she comes.

Its not always possible to just quit these jobs and I'm sure there must be a balance between what I did and carrying on the way I was doing BUT I don't for a second regret leaving everything and starting again.

I regret not doing it sooner and missing out on mat leave before DD came along, I regret missing those first few months together without any pressures and I regret that I didn't rest enough or eat enough whilst I was PG which I am 100% convinced contributed to DD being small (5lb 12oz) when she was born.

Your babies are babies for such a short time. And we get to be pg for such a short time as well. My advice is to enjoy every minute of both and make sure anything else takes a back seat, no matter what sacrifices you have to make.

Hi, I'm a consultant at a well known firm and thry have been excellent, I think ill be working from home during my third trimester. I am working more 'normal' hours already but being focused and getting through it all. It helps that my client is understanding. I did initially worry about being seen as a 'drain' though. I guess all you can do is be clear about what you can do, overdoing it won't help you or them.

I saw this thread and thought to read as it is pertinent to me, then realised I started it way back in 2011 - omg how time flies.

Anyway - I came back as senior associate after 13 months off with #1 last September and am due to go on maternity leave with #2 in a few weeks. I think they were a bit pi ssed off that I had only been back five months when I told them I was pregnant again.

To traineettc - are you already pregnant? Have you started your training contract already? Tbh I think it will be quite difficult for you, but not impossible (depending on what sort of firm you're at). Here's why.

When I came back, I put in a flexibile working request for fixed hours which was obviously declined (as I knew it would be, a girl in my group came back nine months before me and her request was declined also). I unofficially agreed that I could leave at 5ish in the evenings to relieve the nanny / do bedtime etc and if necessary log in remotely / be online after that (basically exactly the same deal as the other girl in my group). This has generally worked well, but it really only works because I am senior and can delegate to junior lawyers. I have put in years of long and unpredictable hours, have always had very good performance reviews and so have built up a lot of goodwill. A trainee / NQ will just not be in that position and it will realistically be very hard for you to compete with your peers. I assume you won't want to be working extended late hours when you come back from mat leave?

All you can do is the best you can while pregnant - but please don't put your health or that of your child at risk by working round the clock. It is incredibly tiring doing late nights when you are pregnant and takes more out of you than you realise (or it certainly did for me).

I really echo froubylou's advice above about pregnancy and the baby days lasting such a short time. That is the important thing.

citymonkey, congratulations on your second pregnancy! and thank you for the advice! I am not yet pregnant, but trying hard. Honestly, I dont have a lot of options here and will just have to deal with things as and when they happen :( I am at such a biological phase that delaying any longer would be impossible. I have an amazing DH who is very very helpful! Also, with some help from parents, I am hoping that I should be able to manage a little one whilst on TC. Fyi, I am training at an MC - crazy hours. Just have to figure out how best to handle the situation now :)

I really wish you the best of luck - if you ever want to chat, please PM me! x