Does anyone else feel railroaded? (slight rant warning)

[Fluter]

Question: does anyone else feel like they're talked at like complete idiots, told what is best for them and their pregnancy without being told why, or have major decisions sprung on them?

I'm just getting really, really pi**ed off with consultants who first tell you there's no chance of you becoming pregnant, then when you're expecting twins ruin it for you by then immediately telling you that you're high risk because you're wayyyyyy too old (I'm 38, and otherwise in perfect health), that you need to have consultant led care in THEIR hospital (which doesn't have the greatest reputation) and you're likely to give birth prematurely and need SCBU facilities... but then give you no good explanation for their opinion. Oh, and then asked us what we wanted to do about Downs testing. We'd only heard that there were twins and everything was tickety boo 10 minutes before! Give us a chance to breathe, will you!

I can imagine other people leaving the unit scared witless. I was just angry.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I want the best for the two little ones, but I really don't feel as though I'm a person, just a statistic to them.

Hi Fluter

Firstly congrtualtions!

really sorry you had that experience - you shouldn't be made to feel like you are an idiot who doesn't have choices when quite plainly you are a sensible woman who knows she has options!

You are very much within your rights to ask for proper explanations including direction to studies and statistics. As you sound like you are quite early on in the pregnancy you should have opportunities to push them for proper explanations in future.

Maybe time to take a deep breath and try and shake off your very justified angriness by writing them a letter or just venting to someone in real life?

There's some great articles/booklets and advice on www.aims.org about your rights/choices and options.

I'm sure there are some good threads on here too for advice.

You've probably already seen {http://www.tamba.org.uk/]] but if not it's worth a look.

You may well decide consultant-led care at that hospital is the best thing for you and the little ones. But it's good to know it's not the only option.

There's some good discussions/birth stories/links to statistics about homebirth of twins here: www.homebirth.org.uk/twins.htm It may well not be something you'd consider in a million years but even so the links are great for getting a sense of options and opinions about the different ways of obtaining care and planning a birth with twins.

Have you considered the support of a doula? Someone who'll take the time to get to know you, signpost you to resources, be a sounding board for decision making and of course support you and your partner during the birth? Local doulas can be found at www.doula.org.uk or if you DM your details I can post a message on our doula forums to see if I could find some doulas for you to meet.

Really good luck with everything and I hope your care improves from now on.

its not unusual. In my first pregnancy, when diagnosed with GD I just meekly did as I was told and followed all their instructions even though I didn't think it necessarily applied in MY particular case. This time, I know they don't know me from a bar of soap so I am being a lot more assertive about what I will and won't do. Take a day or two to think everything through and then at your next appointment be ready to ask all the questions and force them to actually inform you and talk to you. This is YOUR pregnancy and you are entitled to make certain informed decisions.

I agree, go in armed with questions and ask for info in a calm, " I respect your professional opinion, but I need to know how this applies to my pregnancy, not what the overall stats are" way.

FWIW, my first twin antenatal appointment was dire and entirely focussed on risk and intervention, but as the pg has gone on healthily, everything has calmed down and now the hospital is assuming a straightforward vaginal delivery, with back up in case of complications, so it may get better for you. It's as though they have to make a big disclaimer straight off.

Must be annoying, i suppose in a way you just have to listen and if you don't agree with it all then just ignore, or keep pushing for your own views to be heard. They can't necessarily force you to anything, and in the end hopefully you will end up with lovely twin babies and wont be needing to deal with them anymore, so i would try to not get too angry and just do what you have to do in terms of sticking up for yourself and being assertive if you dont agree in regards to the care they are offering etc.
Btw my mum had me and my sister twins when she was about 35ish, not premature, didn't have to c section, all perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy, no need for the scbu etc. seems like these days they seem to say oh twins, that'll be a c section and premature then but surely not always the case

Thanks everyone, most appreciated and squiggly, many thanks for the links. I was starting to think about a doula - normally I'm a fairly assertive person, but every time I'm faced with this lot (and it's been on and off since October) I just burst into tears, partly from frustration. I think I've read through about 400 of the threads on here, so I'm learning a lot! DH and I are going to do massive amounts of reading and go in armed with a list of questions, and see what happens...

The treatment we had was split between two hospitals, and the other one (not one that does ante-natal, sadly, and in any case way too far away) were fantastic. Everything there was a dialogue, and they spoke to my husband (who is a research scientist designing anti-cancer treatments, so knows a little bit about the human body...) as an equal. I suppose it just made the first one seem worse - they don't seem to want to use words like 'ectopic' or 'amnio' when talking to you, but instead describe it in such woolly language that I ended up saying "are you talking about ?" to clarify what they were on about!

I also really felt that they had no interest in matching the care to me and my body, just did one blood test and condemned me on the basis of that. And we proved them waaaayyyyyyyy wrong on that! Like you trixie, I felt that I knew my own body better than they did.

I'm going to go to my GP and see if I can get my care transferred to a different hospital - the main problem I now have with the first is that all Dr Doom predicted has spectacularly failed to materialise, and I have no trust in their judgment.

I know they have to be pessimistic, but to be entirely pessimistic without actually being able to justify it otherwise than comparing my age seems barking. Suppose it doesn't help that I've spent years pulling apart stats so know just how unreliable they can be.

DH has also been talking to one of his colleagues who had 5 miscarriages at the same hospital. When the last two happened, they turned her away, not believing her when she told them she was starting to miscarry, but then when she self-referred to another hospital, they picked up on a heap of things this one should have done, and then next pregnancy resulted in a live birth of her DD.

I think the judicious use of a barge pole might be in order!

Fluter, sadly your experience is not uncommon. I think most consultants start from the position that most women they see don't want explanations.

I think if you have no confidence in your hospital then it would be a good idea to switch if you can. Please do research the scbu/nicu facilities at the other hospital. Consultants do have a habit of scaremongering and giving you the worse case scenario but in the context of twins, they do have a reason to do that. I'm not saying that they handle it in the right way because generally speaking they don't. I speak from personal experience having had twins who were born at nearly 36 weeks by ELCS because of pre-eclampsia but one still needed time in SCBU. And my pg had been pretty trouble free until 33 weeks.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm now pg with no 3 and I'm 37 and also classed as high risk even though its just one baby this time!

I'm 40 and have recently had twins, at 36 weeks and they were fine, no scbu etc. It was inevitable I'd be consultant led and I found this fine but one of the registrars I saw, had the same attitude as your doctors. When he bothered to open my notes he noticed I was having twins and it was like pressing "play" on a tape of all of his pessimistic twin facts. I let him ramble on for a bit about how risky multiple birth is and then said "I'm 28 weeks pregnant. What would you like me to do now?" He shut up then, stupid lad.

fluter You seem to be talking about what I call 'conveyor-belt care'. i.e. 'Oh, you're pregnant, hop on the conveyor belt will you...' Someone presses 'Start' (don't bother finding out who, no one will tell you) and you find yourself being passively directed through appointments, letters, discussions with little chance to interject and get off. Often with patronising and condescending pithy explanations.

My current pet hate is the appointment letters I am receiving. These say nothing more than 'You have an appointment with Dr 'x', date 'y', location 'z''. It's fine if I've been told in advance I'll need to see someone and why, but in most cases I have not been told this and it drives me wild. Queue endless time on the phone trying to get through to be informed (never seems to be the number provided on the form who is just an admin person who pressed 'print' and then stuck a stamp on the envelope). I've made a note at my next mid-wife appointment to have a serious rant about this.

I have had no mood-swings etc through this pregnancy, but 'conveyor-belt care' gets me every time: I could literally grab someone and punch them it makes me so angry.

Oh yes, and like you I find it hard to swallow being treated like a washed-up broken old has-bean because I am nearly 40 without factoring in my actual real health and fitness. Every time they go on about this my heart gets heavier and more depressed. I've never felt old or 'useless' until this pg, I am now second-guesing myself and wondering if I am in deep denial and actually, yes, my life is over and nothing but medical woes loom for me on the horizon.

Just an aside, I supported a twin birth last year that went naturally to 40+4. She laboured in the pool on the MLU and her care was midwife led (her consultant popped in, in normal clothes between the births of twin 1 and twin 2 to check she was ok) it was agreed she would have a hands off birth (not managed) if twin 2 turned breech (she didn't).
No cannula, no epidural, no paeds.
More info here-
deverra.blogspot.com/2009/11/twin-birth.html
and here-
www.magicalbirth.co.uk/6.html
If the pregnancy progresses without complication, there is no reason the labour shouldn't!
Selina