Help off family, I would like to think Im different with my children....

[Scruffyhound]

Im 36 weeks pregnant. I was laid off work last May and have been and am still looking for work. Money is very very tight Im trying to get Maternity Allowance which is a pain in the arse Im naffed off as I have worked all my life since I was 15 to up until may last year (now 34). I have been divorced and taken less money off people to get rid of them. I always help people if I have money.
Im now living with DP in a rented house I have to rent my house out at £100 loss just so we can be together. We have always met my ex partner half way (he lives 1 1/2 away) every other Friday he thinks Child maintinance covers the extra petrol money it costs to do this as well as other bills I have to pay uniform, food heating! Then to top everything off my grandparents have a bungalow they sadly have both been passed away for some years. I have an Aunty and my Dad. My dad is schizophrenic so my Nan left everything to her daughter (my aunt) to sort out and make sure my dad was looked after (which she has not done) I have never seen any money from my grandparents either. My DP's mum and stepdad live in a house worth over 1 million and none of them help us out. Im fed up of people with lots of money as thats why they have it because they seem to be so tight. My mum has a house on her own recently divorced for the 2nd time and has added onto her equity to help us out a bit she works full time and shifts. I would love to say to mum here mum dont work its ok I have some money to help you out for a change. I want to go back to work but I also want a bit of time to bond with baby as with my DS whos now 5yrs old I went back after 3 months it sucked ended up with post natal depression. My DP said I will try and earn extra money by working on the 2nd house at his mums/step dads at the weekends why cant they just help him out? DP half sister gets anything she wants she is at college 2 days had a new car after passing her test then she wanted another car so they got her anohter car for nothing! Talk about treat your kids different. I dont see why DP should do any extra work he already works 7 till 5 for his step dads company as a manager what the hell is wrong with people??

Ok I might sound like a spoilt brat. I suppose it was a rant more than anything. The post should of been shorter. I have never had help off my parents until this year. Its much appreciated to be honest. My point has not come across very well. I have helped out my dad when he was ill and needed bills paying for him and new clothes when he was sectioned and more important was always there for him when he needed someone my nan and his sister did very little they could of given him money to help him out at least with his bills as they had the money. What Im trying to say is I have had enough money in the bank and I would get in debt for someone (my children) if they were desperate. But if I had money and my children were struggling I would help think that sounds better? Its more about morals and why do some family members get handed stuff and others dont? I hope that sounds better?! I was wondering if anyone else gets no help but maybe their siblings do and its drives them mad? Im an only spoilt child have never had much have been brought up in a council house never had many things as a child mum worked hard and my dad was in and out of work. I was never spoilt I have always worked until last year no one wanted to employ me as I was pregnant. I had to defend my self a little there as Im far from it really. I think my wording was wrong in first post?!

This is true RealityIsKnockedUp we only needed a bit of help this month really. DP has never asked for help off his mum and step dad. I have never asked for help off my parents. My mum just offered to help really. I used to live in a house with the now ex husband we had it ok we were settled I used to help out my dad a lot then as I and the funds to do so. Like new clothes, bills and general help as he was sectioned for the first time and the house needed running. So I did that. I have had a house on my own as a single mum worked full time. I was always ok. Just since I have been out of work.

How did/does it feel that baby bro gets looked after and if you had a time of need and no help no help how would that make you feel? I do need to get over it your right. I just wonder why parents are like that? Do you think you will be the same with your DC? Or has it effected you and you think different? I find it interesting

The only people I can rely on are my mum and dad. Extended family (aunts, cousins, grandmother before she died) have always just been out for themselves and their own children/favourites. I don't think it's that unusual and although it's sad about your aunt - because she made a promise to your gran - she's probably busy looking out for her own kids/grandkids, same as my aunt is.

Sadly for you your mum and dad aren't in a position to help you, and your DP's relationship with his parents is not what it could be - you maybe don't know what has gone on there and why they treat his half-sister differently but they do and you'll just have to deal with it because they probably won't change.

Sorry this isn't really help or advice, but really a 'that's entirely a normal thing for SOME aunts to do (unfortunately)'

Hello KatieWatie Its very sad I think I just dont understand. My DP has done nothing wrong he has had a hard time not knowing who his dad was and was depressed for a while and his mum and step dad never bothered to see if he was ok.
I find it really annoying for my dad as my nan said to my aunt to look after your brother I will leave it all to you. I have an elderly great aunt (my grandads sister) and my auny did not bother with her that much and now she rings every week she is getting old and frail. I do wonder if its just the money for my aunt. She has not mortgage no kids and my nans and grandads money and house. I find it strange that she was with her fiance for 15 years then after the passing of my nan they got married. I hope Im wrong about my Aunt but so far she has not done much for my dad. It upsets me to be honest.

As for DP mum and step dad his mum lives like they have no money and they never go out the buisness is doing well and they have enough money to help out DP really. The daughter is only 18 and has had 2 new cars in the space of 6 months. DP has not had anything. I just feel that the step dad thinks DP needs to work twice as hard maybe its because its not his biological son?

My aunt always got treated different than my dad she always had things paid for her yet had no children to look after. Dad was a bit pants though in and out of work so maybe thats why but I think he was ill even back then.

I hope my children if they need anything and I have it or can get it for them if they were in a bit of a situation I would help. I would give both the same or both nothing I like to think. Myabe easier said than done?!

TBH I think it's the same in a lot of families (sadly) and I also hope I'll treat my children fairly. Unfortunately lots don't and there's no rhyme or reason behind it - we'll never know why my Grandma favoured my Aunt over her other 3 children, but the Aunt was DC1 and it could be as simple as that. My mum tortures herself every day about it but the only person she's really hurting now is herself, and she won't be told.

I don't like to think of you torturing yourself in the same way so please don't. Just accept that things are how they are, and if other people choose to miss out on you and your lovely family then that's their loss.

I can understand your frustration Scruffyhound. My Mum and dad have always worked really hard to keep things fair between me and my brother. Even when we were in our 20s (we both needed some help with money back then). I appreciate it even more after reading your post.

I'm not sure that there's much you can do about when it comes to your partner's family. I was really concerned to hear about your dad though. That just makes my blood boil.

Thanks you guys I never thought of my slef as a spoilt brat really but maybe my first post comes across that way. Im an only child and have met several people now that have said that they are not the favorite thier brother or sister is they get all the help...... As Im an only child and Im now going to have 2 children I hope Im aware enough to be albe to treat them the same. The only time they will get treated different is whilst the baby is a baby because of more needs but I will always try my best to make time for my 5yr old. I really really hope I dont do this with my children. I hope to treat them the same. If I give one something then I will give the other if I can.