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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

travel to a wedding at 38 weeks?

26 replies

sunshineoutdoors · 06/03/2011 08:15

Am I worrying about nothing?

DH's brother has got engaged and is planning wedding dates, originally for next year, however now it looks like it could possibly be at the end of July this year.

I am excited and dead happy for them, but am worried because I am pregnant with my first baby and due on 8th August. The wedding would be about 2 and a half hours drive away and DH would be best man.

Am I being over cautious or should I be concerned that this could happen when I am almost 38 weeks pregnant? I'm worried I could have baby early and not be ready to travel on the day, there could be complications nearer the time of my due date, or I could go into labour whilst I am there. I would really like to be close to my home when the time comes.

I hope that I am worried over nothing, and the wedding date is not confirmed yet, so it might not be an issue anyway. As it is my first pregnancy I have no idea what I will feel like at 38 weeks and whether it is sensible to be away from home at this time.

I would really appreciate some advice... do you think I should bring this up? I don't want to dictate how someone else plans their big special day but I can't stop fretting...

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Flisspaps · 06/03/2011 08:36

Personally, I didn't travel anywhere more than about 30minutes from home after 38 weeks, but that was in part to planning a home birth.

I would say nothing, accept the invite if they go ahead, and then see how you feel at the time. DH can still go and as long as he doesn't drink can come back if you happen to go into labour on the wedding day.

MillsAndDoom · 06/03/2011 08:39

I agree with flisspaps - you just don't know how things are going to turn out.

I was commuting an hours drive til 38 weeks with DS and til the day before with DD - I felt fine, yet had a colleague who did the same commute that found it too much at 30 weeks and went on mat leave.

First time labours are usually a good day or so in length so even if you went into labour you should have plenty of time to make your way home

Finbar · 06/03/2011 08:40

I did! I t was my SIL wedding and Dh ws the best man. It was 50 miles from home.

Took many bags of maternity stuff and made sure there was t least one doctor in the congregation!
DD born two days after the wedding. Phew!

dreamofgenie · 06/03/2011 09:13

I was the same as Finbar and went to a wedding 3 hours drive away at 39 weeks pregnant! Was tiring, but there were no problems. I did look up where the closest hospital was to the wedding venue, and brought a hospital bag just in case. We stayed two nights.

SparkleandShine · 06/03/2011 09:27

You are unfortunately not going to know until nearer the time...

Many women are fine to travel at 38 weeks and many aren't!!

Babies arrive early, medical problems, etc etc...

Personally I couldn't have travelled in a car for 5 hours as due to my build I had a very big bump and just was sooo uncomfortable...

I also had a suspected DVT with DS2 and was told to keep mobile to make sure it didn't develop.

be prepared for judgemental relatives though - I had to say I couldn't go to a funeral (DH's grandma, 3 hour drive). There was NO WAY i could have gone - 39 weeks, just been in hosp for leg swelling, suspected DVT, told not to travel plus very uncomfortable sitting, and got the following comment

"Well there are hospitals in X town you know"

it did leave me speechless!!! ok so you want me to risk my health ?!?!WTF

Tangle · 06/03/2011 09:28

I think you have to talk to them about it. At 38 weeks you could be anywhere - and there's a possibility (a small possibility, but its there) that you'd either be in the middle of labour or your baby was born early and needed to stay in NICU for a while. Its much more likely that you'd be huge and knackered, but there are other possibilities.

If things haven't gone according to plan and you and/or your DC need to be in the hospital, will you be happy for your DH to disappear for a day?

To me the worst case scenario is you accept a plan for your DH to be Best Man, but then he either has to leave you at a very bad time to fulfill his obligation or he has to let down his brother on very little notice. If you talk to them they can decide how they want to handle the risk that DH won't be available.

Bobby99 · 06/03/2011 09:59

Hmm, my DD came at 38 weeks. I wouldn't have risked it myself, but then I'm a control freak, and being miles away from home with the possibility of going into labour would not have appealed to me.

GwennieF · 06/03/2011 10:06

I would have been fine with it but I was expecting to be late with DS as my DM, DAunt and DGM were at least 2 weeks late with all of their babies, as was DH's DM. In the end mine were +15 and +14.

I should add though that I had no problems at all during either of my pregnancies; if I had, that would change things.

oggybags · 06/03/2011 17:31

presuming its not hugely remote and youre not high risk then take your notes, and a bag just incase (thus preventing sods law) and enjoy - see your friends. If you dont go (and dh does??)nothing will happen anyway - decide on the morning maybe? DH if BM could always be on a no drinking, and drive home rule if things seem to start happening throughout the day - just make sure you have a back up person that could be with you whilst he returns
good luck x

oggybags · 06/03/2011 17:32

sorry DH is BM

BellaBearisWideAwake · 06/03/2011 17:37

Personally (and it is very personal) I wouldn't. DS came at 37 weeks and was very quick. I'm now 36 weeks with number two and can't conceive travelling ANY significant distance as A I might go into labour and B I'm too uncomfortable. I think you should let the bride and groom know that they may need a back up best man.

Then again, you could have your baby at 42 weeks and be perfectly comfortable!

spinaltap · 06/03/2011 17:39

I went to a wedding 4 hours drive away at 38 weeks, and stayed overnight.
It was bloody hot and uncomfortable, but worth it and I still had a really good time, despite feeling like a massive whale.
DH didn't drink so he could whisk me off to hospital if necessary. We were out in the middle of nowhere so he had to stay sober really.
I agree with Oggy that if possible you should wait until much nearer the time to make a decision.
Good luck, hope you have a great pregnancy!

MigratingCoconuts · 06/03/2011 17:50

I wouldn't count on going... I would consider your DH stepping down as BM. You need as little pressure on you as possible so you don't want to feel you have to go.
As other have said, you just don't know til you get there.

I was on the ward with a woman who gave birth whilst 3 hours from home, visiting her mum. She was not at the hospital she knew (but luckily had her notes with her) and felt very distanced from friends etc.

I also know someone who has just given birth at 27 weeks whilst on holiday in europe. They are now stuck there for the next 6 weeks. All is well but it makes you realise that the birth could happen any time.

pozzled · 06/03/2011 17:59

You really won't know until much nearer the time whether you'll be able/willing to travel. I would suggest accepting the invite and then waiting to see what you feel- but your DH being the best man makes it more complicated.

You should make sure that your DH, his DB and your SIL to be all know and accept that there is a chance that he, as well as you, will not be able to make the wedding. His first responsibility is to you and the baby. If they are happy to take that risk, and will put an alternative plan in place, that is their choice. But unless you're actually in labour, or the baby arrives early, I'd plan for your DH to go and just be ready to drive home as soon as needed!

sanam2010 · 06/03/2011 18:54

DD was born at 38 weeks, I just woke up in the middle of the night and was in advanced labour. I wouldn't travel to a wedding at that stage, much better to relax at home.

thejaffacakesareonme · 06/03/2011 19:53

DS was born at 36 weeks. I'd ask DH to tell his brother that if everything with you and your baby is going well that he'll be BM, but that there'd better be a stand by in place just in case. You could decide whether or not you wanted to go nearer the time.

trixie123 · 06/03/2011 20:51

I am being my sister's bridesmaid in wales, 5-6 hours from home at 38 weeks - am the only bridesmaid and I am as am mostly likely to have an ELCS on due date am not too worried but I will take notes and hospital bag. o be honest, so no-one actually "knows" you at your booked hospital anyway so so long as you have your notes it doesn't much matter. 2 1/2 hrs drive is not lot and you can make frequent stops if necessary. You could be 10-14 days OVERDUE don't forget.

1Catherine1 · 06/03/2011 22:23

I would get the OH to drop into conversation that you will be 38 weeks pregnant at that point so if baby comes he better have another BM on standby. Remember that when baby comes baby will be number 1 priority for him and you and it won't be ok for him to up and leave you for 24 hours 10 hours after the birth of your child. You probably won't be in wedding mood then either.

If his brother accepts this then plan to go and see how it works out. It really does depend on what they are like as people. I know if it was me one side of my family would readily accept it and not question it and the others would bitch horrendously and make me out to be the most selfish bitch on the planet - although I probably wouldn't agree to go for them anyway.

cat64 · 06/03/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PipPipPip · 07/03/2011 09:49

You could be fit-as-a-fiddle (I'm almost 38 weeks at the moment, and would be fine to attend a wedding) but there is also a very real chance you'll miss the wedding!

You could have the baby by then, or you might be too uncomfortable.

This wouldn't be too bad if they were just friends and/or if your husband wasn't the Best Man. You could decide closer to the time. But gosh - if he's best man then it is pretty critical he's there!!

So I think you'd better talk to them about it. Nobody wants their Best Man to pull-out the day before the wedding. And it seems a bit too much pressure on you guys.

eastegg · 07/03/2011 12:56

I don't think there's anything you can or should do at the moment; it's entirely up to BIL and future wife when the wedding is going to be. However, I do think they would be very silly to have it at end of July if your DH is best man. Surely they can see that and shouldn't need telling? I doubt very much whether they will go ahead with that date. If they do, you can just wait and see and go if nothing's happening at 38 weeks. DH can get his own back for their being so blase about such a big deal in your lives... he'll be doing the BM's speech after all.

speffles · 07/03/2011 15:58

I have a similar problem. My MIL is getting married on the 5th August and I'm due on the 30th July. Luckily it's in the same city so will try to go if I can. I would definitely take the distance into account though.

Will they expect you to be there?

ZenNudist · 07/03/2011 19:54

What does your dh think? Mine would not want to miss his db's wedding & my BIL would be kind enough to organize a date better for dh. I could have travelled but it would have been awful & tiring at the actual wedding cos my legs swelled up like balloons even sitting down. First babies are known for being late (I went to 41+1) but still it's a risk that your dc could easily be early (sod's law & all that). They say any time after about 36 / 37 weeks is fair game. It's worth pointing this out as they might not realize & think due dates are an exact science - they aren't! Your BIL may also not appreciate that your dh will need to be on hand both in the count down to the birth (to help you if you're incapacitated, or drive you to hospital) and afterwards to help with the baby. Ideally the earlier the better (June would be ok) if they want a summer 2011 wedding to include you & your dh. Otherwise any time after say mid September (4-6 week old dc) wouldn't be unreasonable.

Original poster

sunshineoutdoors · 09/03/2011 14:48

Thanks for all this advice... I talked to DH and we agreed that we needed to talk to his brother (who is also a friend of mine).

Well BIL has said they will not have the wedding on this date, partly because of his first niece/nephew being due! I am so pleased and relieved, I was also worried he wasn't too excited as he obviously has his own big news.

Hopefully they will reschedule wedding for later, preferably next summer, when grandparents can help look after the LO and I can have a proper drink and dance - rather than just huffing around with a mineral water

OP posts:

hmmSleep · 09/03/2011 15:44

Although I felt fine in myself and capable of travelling, all 3 of my children arrived early at 37, 38 and 38 wks, so no I wouldn't, going into labour 2.5 hrs from home would be a right PITA!

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