Meeting with consultant tomorrow, what should I be asking?

[justbeingmummy]

Hi,
Im 34 weeks and am meeting with the consultant tomorrow to discuss birthing options. It has been left fairly late as she was on holiday and backed up so Im not sure if I will be asked to go away and make a decision or be asked to make one tomorrow. Ive been waiting so long to see her im worrying a bit and dont want to come out all flustered and not having asked the right things.
Thanks :)

Hard to say without knowing why you've been sent to a consultant. If you feel OK with it, please say why and I'll try to give an opinion.

What are the options under consideration?

What do you feel you need to know more about?

Sorry should of been more specific!
Ok so the reasons are, when I was younger I broke my tailbone, and when I had my DS1 it broke again from the pressure and took over a year to heal and I had to have regular injections to help cope with the pain.
I also had him fairly quickly (3 hours) and because he had a rather large head and the MW was bloody useless and didnt believe me that he was coming, no one told me to stop pushing and I suffered quite bad tearing outside and internal and required alot of stitches.
I had to stay in hospital for 4 days because he couldnt breastfeed, this was because he come out so quickly he burst all the blood vessels in his eyelids and his face was swollen so he couldnt latch, nobody checked my stitches for a week by which time I had bad infections. I had to take really strong painkillers that made me feel very out of it, not good witrh a newborn and couldnt drive for over 3 months because of the pain.

The MW feels this baby is bigger than my DS1 and that he may well come quicker, we now live over an hour away from the nearest hospital.
I havent been given all the options and am eager to hear them tomorrow but Im guessing C-sect is the main one?
Thanks in advance :)

How horrible! What a shame your experience was so negative when it should have been so positive.
I suspect that the main option offered will be elective C-section. Make sure you fully understand the recovery time and all the implications for future pregnancies. Remember that you don't have to consent to this and that they should be able to offer you something else if you choose not to go with a section.

Thanks DrSeuss, Obviously my son was worth every bit but it was a hard time and I was totally unprepared for it as I had no previous experience of any of this.
Im hoping I will be better prepared this time with things like making sure my stitches are checked etc. and im hoping whatever decision is decided will make life a bit easier this time.
To be honest im hoping she agrees to the C-sect, I know that it no means an 'easy' option as it is a major operation with a long recovery time and I have thought about this. The only other option the MW did mention was being induced early so the baby wasnt so big but seeing as he is measuring 3 weeks too big already I dont think this is a viable option now?
Im just worrying that she will either try and persuade me that it will all be fine and to not give me other options or that I will make the wrong decision!

Just to let you know I had an elective section 2 weeks ago and found it a really positive experience. Yes it bloody hurt but no more than childbirth I'm guessing and my recovery has been amazingly quick.

Not saying that will be the case for you, but you would probably avoid a lot of your previous complications by the sounds of it!

I'm off to bed shortly but please feel free yo ask questions and I'll check the thread in the morning.

Thanks havinganoffday. I will admit I am really scared about having a C-Sect but I just keep thinking it cant be any worse than what I went through before and I will get to meet my son at the end of it so it cant be all bad :)
Can i just check, when you say it hurt are you meaning afterwards or during the C-sect? I havent read much or watched anything about it because im worried it will freak me out rather than make me feel better so im not sure what to expect to be honest.
Could you tell me in what way you found it positive please (apart from meeting your lo of course) and anythings you think might help if I do go ahead with it as they are fresh in your memory, that would be great.
Many thanks and congrats x

I've never had a C-section but a friend has had two electives following a nightmare birth with DS1. She found the recovery difficult but the actual surgery easy enough. It shouldn't hurt, as you will be epiduralled to the eyeballs!

Sorry, yes I meant it hurt after the op, not during! But it was managed pain and I stopped taking the pain need after a week.

I've never delivered naturally so have no comparison but I felt very well looked after by the theatre and midwifery staff who were able to take the time to explain everything that was happening, check I was comfortable during the op etc.

For me that was less scary than a complicated delivery or a crash section.

I had the op on weds at lunchtime and was discharged 48 hrs later as me and DD were both fine. With my previous section-also elective-I was in for 3 days post op.

Again, let me know if you have questions.

Good luck!

Well the appointment didnt go too well :(
The consultant had lost the letter from my MW so asked me to explain why I was there, when I did so she said 'your not asking me for a C-Sect are you?' in quite a rude tone. I said well Im here to hear my options really and she said well Im not going to give you one for any of the reasons you've said apart from the tailbone one because I dont know enough about but if I look at your notes and dont think it justifys a C-Sect then im not giving you one.
She then told me to go back in 2 weeks once she has had a chance to look at my notes, by which time I will be nearly 37 weeks! Im now panicking that I will have him before anything is decided anyway or that I will go back up there to tell me she doesnt think its enough of a reason, either way I have 2 week wait to find out.
Am I wrong to think that it should ultimately be my decision as its my body and Im the one who went through all the problems and pain last time?

What a cow! Stick to your guns and get your C-section if that's what you want!

What a bitch of a consultant. I think you have every right to a section given your recovery time last time. If you want one and she won't agree ask to have a second opinion from another consultant. Play up how much it traumatised you and you can't face it again etc. Lay it on as thick as possible so you get your own way.

I have to say, from what you have described above, if I were you I would definitely be asking for a section. No-one I know has ever said they've regretted an elective.

Stick to your guns!

Thanks glad its not just me that thinks that :). The thing is ive met with her a few times when we were ttc and she was always lovely.
Ive spoken to my midwife who thinks she has probably had an off day and not to worry too much, she said that the consultants have to justify the reasoning for every c-section so they have to be thorough and that hopefully she will be reasonable when I go back.Apparently also alot of ladies going in saying all sorts happened and ask for c-sects etc. so they have to check your notes to make sure things are as you said. If im not happy the MW said she will get me an appointment for a 2nd opinion but I feel like im running out of time because like I say I will be nearly 37 weeks by then.Im just trying to be positive and think atleast it wasnt a definate no or anything.
The thing that annoys me most though is that I never asked for a c-sect I asked for options and if she would of given me any others I would of happily listened to them!

Woah! That sounds awful. I'm meeting a consultant for the first time on Monday (for reasons that sound less serious than yours) and I'm expecting much more sensitivity. Can you ask to see someone else?

God I'm 40 weeks and birthing options haven't been even chatted about with me yet.

I always forget to ask question and then remember later, write it all down and go through it question by question..be firm but polite.

Your body, your birth

your hospital sounds awful - is the consultant at the same hospital where you had the awful previous experience? do your options include other hospitals?!

Thanks again everyone makes me feel better to know im not being unreasonable.

Jenga - Good luck for your appointment, I hope you get a much nicer consultant.

Highlandgirl - Funnily enough it is the same hospital they havent been good to me, I have been given other options but they are alot further away and this one is over an hour away and is the nearest.

Thing is it was the MW who decided to send me (for valid reasons i feel) its not like I demanded to see her and waltzed in demanding a c-sect, and being unreasonable and ive been made to feel like Ive got a cheek!
Im rubbish at standing up for myself though and end up being all meek and mild and then get out and get angry and upset, even worse in my hormonal state! x

It might sound daft, but is it worth taking someone with you to be an 'advocate' at our next appointment? I always thought I was strong and assertive until I ended up in hospital several times last year and discovered I go meek and silent in front of doctors! No idea why. I presume it is because I am so well brought up and have such respect for them

I now take DP with me to consultant and midwife appointments and have booked the friend who stayed with me for most of my last hospital stay to take me to hospital when my waters break and stay with me (and be mouthy!) until DP arrives.

Its a good idea in theory Jenga but my DP was there and is even more meek and mild than me or my Mum who is the same as me, if anyone would like to come and be my advocate that would be great :)

I do agree with you, I can get quite irrate and stick up for myself with the gas man, tax credits phoneline etc but feel like I cant when it is a doctor i get really embarrassed and feel stupid! x