feelings towards second pregnancy and mourning loss of time in future with my son

[EG77]

ive recently found out i am pregnant again. i have a 10 month old son who is the absolute apple of my world. this second pregnancy wasn't planned and although we did want a second child, it's come a bout a year early. is it normal to feel distant from a second pregnancy? i also feel utterly depressed that i have ruined my life with my son and OH. OH is currently seeing a counsellor for ppd which has been v tough to handle. i feel like this is such a huge mess. we dont have a big flat, my son is still a babe, still needs me so much. i feel like i've let him down. and then i worry that when number 2 comes that my sons routine and sleeping will be turned upside down because of newbie crying through night for feeds. at a loss as to what to do. i hate feeling sad around my baby boy as i now see my time with him as limited. are these normal feelings? does everyone mourn the loss of time with their firstborn?

ive recently found out i am pregnant again. i have a 10 month old son who is the absolute apple of my world. this second pregnancy wasn't planned and although we did want a second child, it's come a bout a year early. is it normal to feel distant from a second pregnancy? i also feel utterly depressed that i have ruined my life with my son and OH. OH is currently seeing a counsellor for ppd which has been v tough to handle. i feel like this is such a huge mess. we dont have a big flat, my son is still a babe, still needs me so much. i feel like i've let him down. and then i worry that when number 2 comes that my sons routine and sleeping will be turned upside down because of newbie crying through night for feeds. at a loss as to what to do. i hate feeling sad around my baby boy as i now see my time with him as limited. are these normal feelings? does everyone mourn the loss of time with their firstborn?

hello there,

I found out I was pregnant with number two when my DD was 12 months old. I too panicked and I will be honest I considered a termination. I honestly didnt think i could love another child as much as I loved my first DD.
I was in denial for most of the pg and when she was born I was shocked as I just didnt " recognise " her iykwim ? She didnt look at all like my first DD and it was so strange to go back to tiny new born after I had finally established a great routine with DD1.
It was hard I will be honest but about two weeks after she was born I spoke to my HV about how I was concerned I didnt love DD2 as much as DD1. She said to me, of course you dont, you have known DD1 for 21 months, you have only known dd2 for 2 weeks. YOu need to fall in love and it will happen. And she was right. They are so different my two and I DO lovel them equally.

The best thing of all is that being born so close together they have each other. I thought I was taking something away from DD1 by having her sister and the guilt was massive but actually I gave her something. Her sister and hopefully a friend for life. My girls are now 7 and 8 and soooo close. Sure they fight, but they sit on the sofa, arms wrapped around each other, whispering and giggling at night in their bunks and have their own seperate world that sometimes im not part of.
Dont worry you will get there. 2 under 2 is hard I wont lie but it goes so fast and at least its all over in one go lol

I am now 18 weeks pg with number three by the way and they are both thrilled....

no advice but bumping for you. I have neices very close together, and would definitely agree that a sibling is a gift, not taking anything away. a child is an addition.

PS normal to be in shock.

DD1 is 2.3 YO and DD2 is 4 months.

The most striking thing for me is that, like you, I anticipated DD1 getting sidelined by the new baby. But, actually the opposite happened. DD2 gets fed and then I have to put her down to deal with DD1, get her fed, play with her etc. I feel guilty that DD2 gets much less attention and fewer cuddles than DD1 got at the same age. Before DD2 was born, I booked a class that DD1 and I could do together without DD2; but again, it's a little irrelevant as it is DD2 who is short of my attention.

Your DC1 will be fine. As will DC2. You, I fear, will be very tired!

I agree. It is exhausting having 2 under 2. There were times I thought I was actually going to go mad lol.
Never fear though, you will get through and so will they

I mean this in the nicest possible way.

If you're very attached to your first born then having a second in probably a fab idea. Otherwise you might, in 30 years, be the MIL that's being complained about over on AIBU board for not letting her son be independent.

Enjoy your time with your first son, then enjoy the time with both your children, let them mature and they'll want to be close to you forever.

My mother is brilliant at this, my DH's family is awful. These days my DH is closer to my family than his and it makes me sad.

The first year will be exhausting but after that it will be really easy to do things that suit them both rather than one being frustrated it can't keep up or your older one being bored and under challenged.

happycamel - that made me larf - totally know what you mean. one my positives list is that DS will be independent from me. whilst that pains me inside (as i am sure it does most mums) i know it's necessary. he's just such a baby boy right now and getting to the real clingy stage. i dont know what 18 mo\s are like.
also really nervous about my OH - he has not taken to fatherhood v well and i'm v nervous this will destroy us.