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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

WWYD if your boss asked you if you were pregnant?

20 replies

FluffyDonkey · 16/02/2011 15:26

I mean a direct question, not a joke.

I'm 7 weeks and am planning on telling work after my 12 week scan (don't want to before in case of MC).

Am pretty sick everyday and have no energy so it's a bit tricky hiding the pregnancy right now, although I seem to be managing it ok (have had a few odd glances from a couple of women but no one has dared ask me yet).

My problem is if my boss asks me directly - do I lie and say no and then 5 weeks later tell him? Or do I say yes and "out" myself when chances of MC are still high?

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/02/2011 15:28

I would tell him, I was in the same position when I was pg with DS - really poorly with sickness and I needed loads of time off because I could barely function.

The miscarriage thing doesn't really apply in this situation I don't think, because should that happen you will obviously tell work anyway because you'll need to take time off then. So it doesn't matter if they know you are pg - or that is the way I looked at it anyway.

Congratulations, and I hope you're feeling better soon! :)

ajandjjmum · 16/02/2011 15:29

I would tell the truth.

Original poster

FluffyDonkey · 16/02/2011 15:30

Good point Alibaba

Just better hope he never asks!

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megansmummy1 · 16/02/2011 15:32

I would have said wait til scan but that was before i had a mc, you would have to tell your boss then anyway so now i would not lie if asked directly (if they can be trusted not to tell the world on your behalf!) my boss was great after mc and told her at 6 weeks this time and she is being great, even looking into less stressful jobs for me!

supergreenuk · 16/02/2011 15:37

Unlikely they will ask but no point in keeping it to yourself if your struggling. At least they can treat any absence using pregnancy policy.

Panzee · 16/02/2011 15:39

My boss had guessed but didn't say anything till I told her.

PomPotty · 16/02/2011 15:46

Just another slant on this .... I did not tell work about mc.

Depends what your work is like but I didn't want the is she/isn't she speculation until I did get pg again.....

Original poster

FluffyDonkey · 16/02/2011 16:03

Thats my fear PomPotty

I work in a very very competitive environment. I know my progression will be penalised if/when I have a baby. I have accepted this.

But I don't want to be penalised before IYSWIM? If I tell them about a MC they'll know I'm trying so I'm afraid I'll be put on a back burner when I may not even have a baby for ages...

OP posts:

chinateacup · 16/02/2011 16:05

I have not told work yet (10 weeks) though wasn't sure if my team (mostly women) wer trying to eke out a confession by commenting on various other women in the office debating whether they had just had a good Christmas, or were actually pregnant!! Not saying anything til I am ready ...

reddaisy · 16/02/2011 16:13

FluffyDonkey, I also work in a competitive, mostly male environment and I am pregnant with my second child.

Whilst I am sure it won't come as a surprise to them, I am still not "outing" myself until I am after 12 weeks.

And I think telling them about a MC (if one occurs), would obviously indicate that we want a baby.

I doubt very much that they would ask (and run the risk of you saying, you think I am fat?!) but I would probably lie until I wanted to reveal my pregnancy.

Last time I kept mine hidden for 5 months for various reasons but I am 8 weeks now and this time it is dragging!

Congratulations by the way.

Original poster

FluffyDonkey · 16/02/2011 16:38

Thanks

I live in France and legally have to inform my employers before 14 weeks so I figured 12 was a good place to start, especially as I'll have seen the scan!

Some of the younger oneson my team are teasing me that I'll be next to be pregnant (14 of us on the team, 2 of the blokes are having babies between now and May) but only because I got married last year. So that's been pretty easy to brush off. It's a direct question from my manager that I'm afraid of.

Having said that, he'd probably be too embarassed!

OP posts:

dribbleface · 16/02/2011 17:08

Hi,

My boss did ask me outright 2 weeks ago, i am 7 weeks pregant. I denied it at the time (was during a phone call) but when i next saw him i owned up. We have an excellent working relationship and i didn't like being dishonest.

I think it depends on what sort of relationship you have with them to be honest.

lilly13 · 16/02/2011 17:41

I would not tell anyone. It is private until you decide to make it public. Technically, from a legal standpoint, you have no obligation to tell your employer until 15 weeks prior to your due date (ie, 25 weeks of pregnancy)...

ajandjjmum · 16/02/2011 17:47

If you are asked and tell the truth, you might like to say that you would like it to be kept quiet until 12 weeks or whenever.

planetalice · 16/02/2011 17:47

I wouldn't lie if asked out right but you could swear them to secrecy and then its only one person who knows. But its your body and your pregnancy so you could just say dont be nosey if i am i will tell you in my own good time!

mamadoc · 16/02/2011 17:57

I didn't tell my work until 16 weeks this time (not showing at all and only quite mild nausea).
I also didn't tell my boss or my team about my two previous miscarriages. Although I was obliged to tell HR I emphasised I wanted it kept confidential.
I just like to keep my work and private life separate. I didn't want speculation or people feeling sorry for me.
OTOH if asked directly by my manager I wouldn't lie.

MainlyMaynie · 16/02/2011 19:34

My boss's boss asked me! It was based on my body shape changing, I hadn't had any sickness or anything, he'd noticed my (v small at the time) bump. I was 17 weeks, but hadn't been telling many people due to a previous miscarriage. I just said yes, no point in lying about it and he meant well. I wish I'd told him it was just excess chocolate first though, just to wind him up for asking :o.

lovemybabyboy · 16/02/2011 20:09

Hi,
I wouldnt tell them unless you really wanted to.
I had a mmc in August, found out at 13 week scan that baby had died at 8 weeks, nobody at work knew I was pregnant and I did not have to tell them about mc either.
I had a two week sick note that just said 'gynaecological condition', I chose to tell a couple of people after I returned from the sick leave, and unless they told everyone, nobody else has a clue!

I am pregnant again just 4 weeks today so very early days, I am so worried I will have another mc, and if all going well I will tell them after 12 wk scan, if I start to show or if anyone asks I will lie and deny it!

Good luck, hope all is well.

PomPotty · 16/02/2011 22:39

No probs fd, fingers crossed all is fine for you and no awkward questions come your way i had my pregnancies/babies in france, tis a v different world!

Penelope1980 · 17/02/2011 05:14

I wouldn't tell if I could help it, but wouldn't lie either. I'm as far along as you fluffy and in a similar situation in that I think work will be pulled from me when work knows. I am planning to wait until 12 weeks, if not a little longer.

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