Pregnant and over 40- with other kids

[Crazyafterthought]

Just wondering if there are any other slightly unusual women, happily married with three healthy (or at least some, other children), who have decided to test their ability to conceive and actually yearn for another child.
I am staring incredulously at the positive pregnancy test, the second in this last few months at the age of 43 knowing that I should know better. We both would love another baby and feel that we were rather good at it- much more difficult to parent pre teens, of course-but am overwhelmed by embarrassment that we actually want to do this and its not a mistake. The previous pregnancy miscarried in November and this may well go the same way; but, I am thrilled, he is thrilled, and life has to rest on some sort of faith that good will out.
Any other over 40s Mums who should know better?- not those first time mums over 40 who are to grasp the precious things in life where no one would tut at their pregnancies' but those of us who risk losing our 'perfect' way of life- for just a little bit more...why risk it?
If this is the mantra you also hear I would love to hear from you

Congratulations! I hope that everything goes smoothly. I am not in exactly the same situation because we haven't really stopped trying to expand the family... I am 39 and have had 2 late missed miscarriages in the last 13 months. Both dh and I would love another dc but we certainly feel the scorn of friends and family who question our judgement and our very sanity.

How old is your youngest? Our youngest is 5 next month.

I don't necessarily think your age comes into it with regards to other peoples opinion. I was 29 with a 12yr old and an 8yr old when we decided to do it all again and everyone told us we were mad as things had become so much easier, why spoil it etc.

As it happens, adding another tier to our family (we've since had another as well) has been the best thing we've ever done and we both very much enjoy doing it all again, albeit with a little less energy than we had first time round!

Many congratulations on your pregnancy, wishing you lots of luck.

How wonderful! Congratulations! Just look at the Blairs, they had a late baby (Leo), and he has been an absolute joy.

Congratulations. I have just had dc4 and am 42 in April. We started late though as eldest is 7. No such thing as a perfect way of life - it'll be what you make it and if there's room in your family for another one to love, then why not. And if your other dcs are older, they'll be a help and your new baby will help them too - patience, understanding.

Good luck.

Congratulations , I'm in almost exactly your position, 41 this week, have healthy 10 & 11 year olds, and become instinctively "obsessed" with the need for another little one in our life.

I think people thought we were mad, and initially had mixed responses from some family members about our positive pregnancy result. From my MIL " well, if it's what you both want!" in a disapproving voice...

After a traumatic miscarriage and a pregnancy that hit me physically harder than the two I had ten years before, our beautiful girl arrived 3 days ago.

The kids are crazy about their little sister and so far are being a great help. DH can't believe how thrilled he is with her, thinks it's because we never really thought we'd have her, and I'm definitely on a high about
the whole thing...and more determined than I perhaps was 10 years ago to enjoy every moment, I know how fast they grow up...but it's the best decision we ever made.

Wishing you lots of luck in this pregnancy, it's an emotional ride, but well well worth it!!

Me too! Well I am 40 and have 2 slightly older, nearly 11 and nearly 8 and then a 2 year old who we decided needed a sibling near her age! So, 33 weeks pregnant and couldn't be happier.
Yes, pregnancy this time has knocked me for six, so exhausted and puffed it's not even funny but the older 2 are being very good and see me puffing around the house and try to help with 2 year old!
I think my Mum and Dad think I/we am/are mad (husband works away in week and no-one lives within 200 miles of us so it is me who does most of the 'work'). I'm sure they have tutted to themselves that I am pretty daft but it's what we dearly want and we are so excited! I love the chaos that is my life, who wants a boring, organised life (well sometimes I do!!)!
Good luck and fingers crossed for you that this little one goes well for you all.

I'm 42, have 3 other DC, my eldest is almost 20!! And therefore I really should lknow better!! My others are 3 and 2. I had 2 MC last year which made me more determined to have another. I'm curently 13 wks have a scan today and I'm nervous.

Its soooooo much harder physically when you are older (my exp anyway) but I say if you love your DC and are prepared to go through the sleeplessness, the tantrums and hardwork.. then go for it. I love my Dc and would be gutted if I didnt have them.

Good luck :)

Congratulations I will be 40 and DH will be 44 when DC3 is born, DD is 8 and DS is 6. I have always known that my family would not be complete with just 2. I would love to have 4 DC's but I had a m/c and struggled a bit to get pg and have had quite a rough ride (although all good now hopefully) - 20wk scan next week. .

Like you I worried a lot and for a long time about "rocking the boat". DD and DS are best of friends and I can honestly say they have both been a joy since they have been born. What if this one is a horror? My mum, MIL and sister think I am crazy to "go through all that again" but their experiences of raising children were very different from mine. From the beginning DH supported me in being a SAHM which I loved. Am now self-employed so can make my own hours and will leave the daily running of the business to DH when this DC arrives in July.

Enjoy this pg and DC - it was obviously meant to be.

Hi, congratulations :)

I was so pleased to see this thread! I'm 43 and 6 weeks pregnant.

I have 3 lovely daughters 18, 15 and 12. I am divorced from their dad (17 year marriage) and my new partner is 10 years younger than me. He thought he was unable to have children, but after 2 years together i had the coil out and its taken us a year to conceive. Naturally as it happens :)

I had pale brown spotting today, and it frightened me badly. Never had a miscarage b4. Looked on the net and most advice says not to worry....ANYWAY - just wanted to add my bit and say 'life is for living, not for regrets, or growing old gracefully!' x

Why on earth embarrassment??!

It's what you want - and it's what I wanted!! I'm 40 and expecting our 4th in 5 wks - despite the fact that space is an issue (but not insurmountable). And I run my own business which is doing better now than ever before - but will have to slow that down a bit temporarily.

But hey ho. Wanted another baby and it's nearly here!

Congratulations and enjoy. Oh, and for those stupid comments from people such as "was it an accident...?" etc, YES IT WAS (not that it's any of your business!)

Hope all goes well the pregnancy x

THanks everyone- this is great! I really thought I was going to be quite on my own. It seems that people were very excited and completely niaive on our normal antenatal thread, with lots of different worries, I felt I had been there done that with 3 babies and 3 miscarriages and wondered if there was anyone.

The children wanted it , at least the 12 your old and the 9. The 10 year old did mention that it might have some implications.... I am really pleased to hear the the siblings have been supportive and ready to love. Ours don't know about this one yet- I won't be able to hold it in for 8 weeks! I think my own family will be supportive, at least they know it might happen after the last time.

COngratulations mamacorner- lovely to be through the whole pregnancy, I didn't enjoy the last one but at least the babies are great- does it all come back to you or is it like starting at square one?

I think it's the best of both worlds, I feel like a new mum but with the confidence that I didn't have first time around..
Having the older two means I can still do things like take a shower, eat a hot dinner,as they're only too happy to nurse their little sister for ten minutes for me. I seem to remember when my other two were babies eating dinner without interruption or taking a relaxing bath just didn't happen.

And as for baby blues on the third day, so far I haven't come down from the high of having this beautiful girl that I'd convinced myself we'd never have.She was definitely "worth the risk".

Hope you're keeping well & wishing you lots of luck x

Hiya Crazyafterthought :)

Well..I'm 43 and 29 weeks with my 5th! not planned, I hasten to add..and have to say that the majority of people I have spoken to think it's wonderful, it was just us as the parents who were thinking ''What the hell???!!!''

Our other children are over the moon. They are 21, 18, 14 & 10. I thought the older ones would be a bit 'ewwww' but they have been great (and loved giving me the lecture about contraception, lol). I had my life mapped out. The youngest was now on the way to being grown up and not so needy..we had planned a lovely holiday overseas, nights out..you know, all the stuff you can do when kids are older.

This has thrown me a curve ball, but hey..after the initial tears & tantrums we are now very excited about this new adventure

I think that's fab news - you can't live your life the way others expect you to.. you've got to take chances - says she who is 39, with 2 kids and 3 miscarriages (late) under her belt. I'm 20 weeks now with number 3 - hoping this time it will come to something but I still haven't told a lot of people out of fear of judgement (including my parents) ... how sad is that - it's just scary, like you feel you are taking chances... and I was told the mis were due to age so you wonder are you being brave or stupid by going the road again...

Hi crazy and everyone else!

I am so excited to have found this thread!! I'll be 40 later this year when DC3 comes along. I'm now 10 weeks. DD is 13 and DS 11 years. We never felt our family complete and after years of procrastinating do we or don't we try we decided it's now or never and we would regret it if we didn't at least try. Bingo, one time, got my BFP 2 weeks later.

To my shock I have gone through some scary emotions since seeing the BFP. My first thought was "s@%t, what have we done?". I spent the first few weeks sobbing and worrying about the disruption to our 'sorted' lives. This time round I have been very unwell, terrible MS day and night, something I never had with previous pregnancies. That and exhaustion have clouded my mind I think and it's been hard to feel positive.

Had horrible time with a midwife the other day (I live in the USA). She recommened to me that because of my 'advanced maternal age' I should go for genetic counselling, the statastics on having a healthy child did not look good etc etc. She aggressively pushed on this subject despite me being there to discuss scan results from some bleeding (all is fine btw) and saying we would proceed whatever. I Ieft the doctor's feeling distraught. My DH came straight home from work after I texted him and we had a frank discussion about why we wanted to do this again. So, I feel I have more peace of mind, and with the MS fading slightly I'm going to try and start to enjoy this pregnancy (and change doctor too so i don't have to see vile midwife ever again.)

I'm dreading telling my DD. We are very close and I worry she will be jealous. I think my DS will be excited and am sure he will be hoping for a brother. I do worry about the school runs in the morning, and don't quite know how we will get out of the house by 7am. I think my DCs will be wonderful when LO comes along and can't wait to see them all together. I think there is the potential for my DD to be confused as the mother though! I am a little worried will I remember everything and things have changed but I also know how time flies and will try and cherish the early years with this wisdom.

Haven't told many friends yet, just 2 good friends and my mum who asked "was it planned". Told her over the phone, I think she fell off her chair she was quite shocked. Am expecting MIL to be more than shocked and quietly think we are bonkers to be starting over.

Sorry if I have waffled!! Please keep this thread going, i thought I was the only one in this situation and it made my day to see this!

BTW misty, please try not to worry, I had brown spotting from 5 weeks and then passed a big clot (sorry if TMI) hence the reason for an early scan. All is fine with baby. I think brown spotting is common.

Good luck.

We do seem to be too busy to keep active on the thread at the moment- its still early days for me and i am relishing the sick feeling that starts to come now and again. I remain very worried that I will miscarry again but have sort of grown into the idea that it might all be ok. Currently on duty on the labour ward and all the mothers are at least half my age! surreal.

Oh, Thank God! I am the oldest on my antenatal thread!
I'm 42 and just got a BFP and this will be dc5 and more than likely ds5! Still a bit apprehensive in case something goes wrong but trying to stay positive and remember that we wanted this!

misty, I had brown spotting all the way through my first trimester with ds3. He is now 6, cheeky and gorgeous!

Well, Crazy OH my goodness...if we're too busy now, with work, school runs, teen homework etc etc what's it going to be like in another 5 months or so!!!! I really am asking myself "what have we done?!"

....scuttles off to pour glass of wine in panic tackle the ironing piled to ceiling high.