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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sure this is an oldie but...expecting #2 and am worried this might threaten my close bond with DD1

10 replies

Ladylay · 11/02/2011 13:08

OK this has probably been done to death, but am worried that DD and I are so close to the point where I am the preferred parent most of the time. How is she going to cope?

I know she loves babies and will be a great little helper, but I'd like some advice on how to deal with the inevitable guilt I will feel when shes not the only centre of my universe?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Crawling · 11/02/2011 13:13

I tried to keep things as close to normal for DS and to include him as much as I could. It worked he was a bit put out for a week but then he was fine. To be honest I found visitors upset him the most as they were inconsiderate of DS feelings. They wanted to see new baby so saw new baby first and then DS which upset him as he is used to being the first greeted.

Once the visitors stopped things settled down and he was happy.

iloveholidays · 11/02/2011 13:29

Hi Ladylay - I'm afraid I can't offer any advise but will be watching with interest.

I'm in a similar situation - currently 32+3 with second child, DD is 22 months old. I'm worried stiff about how she'll cope with it all, even though she loves babies and helping like your DD. But on the other side, as you say she's been my life for the last 22 months and its going to be a huge change for her. I'm even worrying about me going into labour and not being around for her!!! Silly I know.

How far gone are you?

Hopefully people will offer some advise - I'm just hoping to keep things as normal as possible like Crawling said.

Greenmantle · 11/02/2011 13:38

Again, no helpful advice to offer but I'm in the same situation. I'm due a week tomorrow and am wondering how DS (23 months) will cope with me being away from home - hopefully my stay in hospital will be short and sweet - and how he will react to the new baby. I'm also going to miss our one-to-one time sigh. A friend did say to me that the older one might be losing a little bit of mum time but on the other hand, they're gaining a new brother or sister, which is so much better.

Crawling · 11/02/2011 13:39

I also got DS a new gift something that would entertain him for the first few weeks.

DS was always close to me, he pulled away for about a week (just to warn) and I was very upset, but after that he has been just as close to me as he was before I had dd, and is now nagging for another sibling (which he does not know he will hopefully have soon).

I would get visitors over with ASAP, and limit also have something fun ready for DP or you to do with DD while visitors come around.

But try and stick to your DDs routine, it wont harm the baby if they have to wait one minute.

camdancer · 11/02/2011 13:53

I wrote out a mammoth post but basically it comes down to a few things.

Life is going to change. It's hard for everyone. Don't be surprised if you feel quite resentful of the baby for taking time away from DD. I remember sobbing one night when I was up feeding DD and DS fell out of bed. I couldn't get to him and he had to wait for DH. (He fell out of bed a lot and usually didn't even wake up but I just felt dreadful.)

Learn to feed sitting on the floor so you can play at the same time. And make sure you see to the older child before starting feeding. Do they have a drink, snacks, clean nappy. DS always wanted milk just as I started feeding DD.

Don't be holding the baby when the older child meets them for the first time. Let someone else hold the baby or put them in a crib. Anything so that the first impression isn't of someone who has taken the older child's place.

It is all worth it when you see them playing together. My two did a picture together yesterday. DD (nearly 2 now) stuck the stickers on and DS drew round them.

flowerfairy · 11/02/2011 14:05

LAdy lay have a check of the thread i started about big age gaps. one of the biggest difference is that my ds can articulate his feelings more. But i have some of the exact same worries, although ds has a strong bond with dh, i worry that ds will think that i'm too busy with the baby so he has to go to dad all of the time and our bond will go. Good luck to you.

EauRouge · 11/02/2011 15:24

I'm in the same situation, DC2 due next week and DD is 2.4 yo. I'm still BF her as well which I hope will ease the transition into being a big sister! My (perhaps unrealistic) plan is to stick the new baby in a sling and try to carry on doing as many normal things as possible.

We've also talked a lot about what's going to happen when the baby comes and DD seems quite keen to help out, although I'm not sure her offer of feeding the baby cheesecake is the best idea She's got a baby doll all ready for when the baby arrives, we're going to tell her it's a present from the new baby.

Original poster

Ladylay · 11/02/2011 16:47

Thanks for the replies.

Its very early days for us iloveholidays, as I ve just found out and am about 4 weeks but having really wanted a sibling for DD the inevitable questions are seeping in.

Camdancer I will definitely be taking your tips on board; they sound really helpful.

Although I am SO looking forward to DD meeting the new one its the guilt I'm mostly dreading. I remember how emotional I got over the dog having to take a backseat to the DD, haha!

OP posts:

moregranny · 11/02/2011 19:21

I worried 28 years ago, no need, after the initial emptying of a bottle of baby talc in his face because I promised she could help bath him, (forgot how slippery newbies are),and then changed my mind, I became the naughty mummy and wasn't allowed to have anything to do with HER baby, was frequently reminded during the growing up years not to tell HER baby off, as they grew she was the one who was there for him when he needed a cuddle, advice and now she is expecting her first baby he is so excited, x ( names withheld in case they gang up on me )

bootus · 11/02/2011 20:28

Another one in the same boat, am 36 weeks with 2.4 yo who has zip interest in babies and is very much a 'mummys boy' - i'm terrified he will be put out and unhappy but keep telling myself that what he gains is far more than he loses. One piece of advice I was given is if I'm doing something with DS and baby starts up, finish what I'm doing (be it story, bathtime, eating whatever) because it wont hurt bubba to cry for few mins but it will leave an impression with older one if he doesnt feel prioritised. And also second what Camdancer said about not holding the baby when they meet for the first time....want my arms free for a big hug. Good luck.

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