All those with big age gaps.

[flowerfairy]

Ds aged 6 asked why i was having another baby. I'm 37=5 weeks so birth is rather imminent. He also said becauseyou won't love me when i'm bigger. Gave him lots of cuddles and tried to reassure him that i will always love him and that new brother or sister will mean more cuddles. Feel upset that he siad this obviously am hormonal so things seem even worse. What can i say or do to reassure him? Or will the baby's arrival show how i will still love them both? Wasn't concerned before that he was insecure as he has always seemed so secure in our love for him. Am even more worried about him being jealous of the new baby. Please help need to hear some positive feedback.

There is 5 years between DD1 and DD2 and then 12 and 8 years between the girls and DS. At times it feels like I have 3 "only children" but I do feel that's a positive rather than a negative experience. My older DD had started school when the younger DD came along and then both girls were at school when DS was born so I had lots of one on one time with the individual babies while they were out - but got family time too after school.

I had a home birth with DS and the girls met him when he was only a few minutes old - so have felt involved right from the start. The big ones have always helped out fetching bits and bobs for their younger siblings. My son is now 4 and loves his big sisters so much - they indulge him a fair bit but are great for rough and tumble games as they have more energy than me!

I never experienced the terrible twos with any of my DCs - perhaps because I was only ever dealing with one child at a time. At present I am dealing with A level stress from DD1, puberty with DD2 and waiting on a primary school place for DS. All very different worries but I am glad that different things are happening to each of my DC. I don't know how I would have handled it if they had all experienced the same things all together as siblings with shorter age gaps would.

Finally they all have different clearly defined groups of friends and I have had the opportunity to meet three lots of parents at school and playgroup - so I have made lots of friends too.

Good luck with your new LO. Your DS will hopefully relish being a big brother.

Just make a big fuss of him, tell him hes going to be the big brother and have to look after his little sibling. Maybe when he comes to see the baby have a pressie in the cot that the baby has brought him. My mum did this for me even though I was three I was very jealous of him and this helped a bit.
And when he comes in to see the baby, make sure he gets all the attention and that everyone who comes to see the baby asks the older brother to introduce them, hopefully it will make him feel special and that its a family baby and not just your baby.
Good luck, Im sure he will be fine.

I have a 4 month old and a 6 year old, who has surprised me with how positively he has reacted. I talked a lot with him about it before the birth, with a lot of reassurance that I would still love him just the same, and that the baby would love him to, and that he would be able to teach the baby loads, as he would be the older one. I would second the present giving idea, and also something that was suggested to me was that when ds came to visit in hospital not to be holding the baby as he came in-dp rang to say they were coming up, so I had my hands free to give him a hug straight away. I also told any visitors I would appreciate it if they greeted ds first, before cooing over the baby, so he didn't feel left out.
I have been surprised how good ds has been, and think that it's actually a good age to get a younger sibling. My friend has a 7 year old and a new baby and he has reacted really well too, with lots of encouragement, reasurance and many opportunities to "help".

Hi there, we have a 10, 7 and 2 year old (and one more on the way!). So when my youngest was born my dds were 5 and 7. They have actually been so good with her arrival, I think it is actually a nice gap as said before, at least dds were at school in the day and I could get things done and try and make a fuss of them when they got home.
There's a nice book for about your son's age, think it's called 'You're all my Favourites' by Debbie Gliori, may be worth getting a copy??

Thanks for all your tips. Have bought a present alsready wrapped in hospital bag and had read about making sure that i'm not holding the baby when ds comes to visit. Love the idea of him getting to introduce his new sibling idea and will try to get visitors to greet ds first too. AM hoping that the fact ds is at school will enable me to focus more on him when he gets home not forgetting bonding as a family of 4 when dh gets home. Always felt my sister let her dd spend alot of time away from family home with grandparents and her SIL when her dc#2 arrived. So am quite concious that we spend time altogether too. Thanks again.

Could you show him the candle analogy?
That when you light a candle with another candle, the flames grow.

So you have two candles that are you and DH, then you use them to light a smaller one, which is DS, and another which is the baby, and it represents the love in your family growing stronger and brighter and not being shared out or diminished.

DD was shown a similar thing at school at Christmas - it made a real impression on her and she loved it.

I'm going to have 5 years between mine, and am so pleased with the gap. I've been worried about DD saying something like your DS said, so I know how upsetting it must be.
He'll be fine though x x x

Try not to worry about all this. You can just shim loads and loads of love and lots of cuddles and reassuring words , especially when the new baby is born.
My children are Ds 10, DD 20, and Ds 22 yrs so when little son was born my DD was nearly 10 yrs old .

The older ones soon realise, and you can explain, that baby needs care more cos they cant do all the things that big one does. But that doesnt mean you love babe anymore.

Lots of praise for big one, saying how very proud you are of him and how helpful he can be with new baby.

Also tell him how much new baby loves his older brother.
Wishing you lots of luck.x

P.S. . .A mothers love is endless and has no limits.. . .I love and care for all my 3 in the same capacity. But because the youngest is still at home and needs my daily care I feel a tiny bit more protective for him on a daily basis.

Even if you had 12 children your love for them all would be there in every way.. . .
Trust !