2nd baby worries - First baby is little!!

[tweedlezee]

Hello,

First time poster though long time lurker who has found this sight and the topics discussed ENDLESSLY helpful and very re-assuring.

I am a mum of a 10month old little boy and i have just found out i am pregnant again. I managed to get pregnant with the coil in and since having it removed the little one is stuck fast and seemingly happy there.
I guess I am just confused. It just feels such a shock, i hoped to plan the DC2. And to give up my body AGAIN after JUST finishing breast feeding seems so hectic. (Selfish??) DC1 is a gem though, such an angel and really NO hassle. I guess i'm scared I'll get the opposite next time...maybe a baby more like me, eeek! And i know some people work so hard for their 2nd so i am grateful and happy, just petrified!
So lovely people, any hints and tips, Words of wisdom. Any shared experiences out there. Also, going back to work after MAT leave mOnday, should i wait a bit before breaking the news that i'll be gone again in 7months time?

I kinda get what you mean I was bf DC2 and using a diaphram when I have caught for DC3 in total I have now been pg or bf for 6 years, and as I have just caught for DC3 have at least another two years I found it quite a shock at first I dont think you nre being selfish.

The best advice I was given was a new baby needs to be loved a older sibling needs his mum. We went on this advice and had very little trouble with DC1.

Thank you Crawling. That is some very good advice.
I can see DC1 being a good older brother, he is very gentle.
6yrs is a fair amount of time to give your body up for ay?!
Maybe i will never be a person that plans kids :)

My DC2 is very very young and I am currently 8 weeks pregnant.
Both mine have been reasonably chilled babies, so hoping the trend continues but part of me thinks 3 chilled babies would be far too much to ask.
It took me over 4 years to get pregnant with DD and just over 2 years to get pregnant with DS. This one took me no time as was not planned for (but is wanted) so fertility in my case seems unpredictable.

Congratulations.

I had DD2 when DD1 was 11 1/2 months old so fell pregnant about 10 weeks after giving birth - was taking the min-pill at the time. I was really worried and felt so guilty that DD1 was going to have a sibling to contend with when still a baby herself but I needn't have worried. It worked out really well. DD1 was too young to be jealous and just accepted DD2 right away. They were very close growing up and it's only now that they are in their early teens that they fight but Im sure that'll pass. I've just given birth to DD3 (2 wks ago) and so am now experiencing the opposite end of the scale a HUGE age gap - it was planned and it's working out very well. I think when it happens it's meant to be and it's best to just go with the flow and realise how adaptable children are :)

I am 13 weeks with DC#2 and DD#1 is 18 months. This was a very planed pregnancy, but it took us 2 years to get DD#1 and one month to get this new baby. Initially I was on cloud nine, but as the reality of having a toddler and a newborn set in, so did the fear. I think it is totally normal, especially when you understand how much work babies are. That is really the only thing I miss about being pregnant for the first time...blissful ignorance! But all will be fine. Take it one day at a time, and in a few years you will look back and not be able to imagine your family any other way. Take care and congratulations!

tweedlezee I fell pg (planned) with DS when DD was 10months old. The gap is 19months and is perfect. Even being a girl then a boy has not stopped them being super close. They will be (when a bit older) at similar developmental stages so will enjoy the same games / toys etc. My sister has 4 yrs between her two (also girl then boy) and they fight all the time as they are at completely different stages in life.

Make no mistake, it was very tiring in the beginning having 2 under the age of 2 but I found that you feed 1, you feed the other, change 1 nappy change another iyswim. You are already doing it for 1 baby so you continue to do it for 2. You will aready have all the baby kit so just roll with it.

As I said I planned it that way and it has worked out beautifully. Congratulations

Everyone THANKYOU!!

I knew this would be the place to come for support. As I barely know anyone with 1 baby let alone 2 so it has been a bit of an emotional 48hours but your words of wisdom have helped my head no end.
Hearing peoples experiences is wonderful and makes me feel like it can be done AND that I am not the only one doing it.

girlfromdownsouth - that sounds lovely and fills me with hope.

Magen - very much like the idea of not knowing what it was like to NOT be together as I can't imagine life without my family.

MoiraMAy - guilt definitely played a part in my emotions, especially the feeling that I would be taking attention away from a baby, but I'm sure we will work that out.

Dear tweedlezee, are you still there?
It seems I am in a similar position to you.
DS is 10+ months and I am 5 weeks pg. All planned for us, and very happy - happened at first go! - but now I am really REALLY panicking.
What about DS? How will I have time for him? How will I hold him if there is a new baby to hold? Will he think I don't love him?
How will I breastfeed him with a big bump (still bf him, but not yet decided what to do), or feed two at night? (He is also feeding twice in night - how will I cope???)
I am suddenly filled with doubt about being/doing enough for him, let alone another in a few months' time.
Then also the converse - will DC2 miss out? (I am the second of two so now really understand how we turn out how we do, and #1s how they do!)
Filled with guilt and fear and worry - not helped by nausea, exhaustion, and a sick DC who wanted to be held ALL night last night.
I've been looking for a thread to join with others expecting their 2nd and due around October time. If anyone can recommend one (if this isn't it), I'd be grateful - am still trawling through the pages and pages of threads trying to find one!

Thank you

I should have added how much everyone's replies to you helped reassure me this morning. Thank you all

There is a very busy October Baby Bus in this pregnancy section - I'm sure you could jump on board!

I am also in very early pregnancy with DC2. DD is almost 13 months, so we're looking at a gap of about 20 months or so.

First of all, congrats Ladies!!

Secondly, I'm well aware of the potential probs BUT I think facing the situation of two young'uns with a positive attitude helps 'cos worrying about the logistical difficulties won't solve them and my mums-of-two friends say they've actually enjoyed it a lot more second time round, even with the added complication of an older child to look after too.

So take heart, ladies!!

I'm sure we'll all be FINE!

Yes, I'm sure we will be. If only because no choice!

I am currently reading through the October baby bus. But it just keeps growing and I'm not sure I'll ever make it to the end before I can join. Only on page ten! Just not enough time even though I read most of it in the middle of the night while feeding!

Congrats on your bfp

melodynelson
I have a 24 month gap so bigger than you are expecting, but slings/ wraps/ baby wearing is worth a try for the specific worry about holding older baby/ toddler and younger baby together and for the issue of continuing activities and playing with the bigger one with the new one "in tow"! I agree with the comment that the older child/ children need their mummy and as long as a baby is loved, fed, warm and clean they don't need anything else and are perfectly happy to be passengers along for the ride - I didn't use a sling with my first baby but found it invaluable with my second, who was happy in the sling (under my coat in winter) while I pushed my toddler on the swings, went for walks, went to toddlers group, and continued to do all the other things we'd done together throughout my pregnancy, so I don't think she missed out on anything because of her little brother.

I am expecting my 3rd now and feel the gap from number 2 to number 3 (3 and a half years) is really too big to be ideal, but it took a while to talk DH 'round to number 3! I will be using a sling again to allow me to continue to have 2 hands free for the other two when needed!

All the best

Hi Ladies,

My DD will be 12months when DC2 arrives, I feel really nervous because I have to have another c-section and DD is very demanding.

Does anyone have any tips to make this a little easier?

Attilathemum - I hope someone out there has some words of wisdom for you. Good luck.

2and1ontheway - thank you for your post.
I will definitely sling dc2. I've done so with ds much of the time so far. I don't mean to find a problem everywhere, but I guess I am now sad I'll have to stop carrying ds sooner than I might otherwise have.
I need to remind myself there is a reason we started ttc so soon - I'm 40, so we figured if we wanted any more, we'd better not hang around for long.

Good luck with no.3! I'd be interested to hear how much of a challenge it is!

Hello

I got pregnant when DS was 8 months so there's 16 months between mine. I was really happy but as DS1 was still such a baby I felt very guilty. I definately shouldn't have worried though, it's been flippin hard work but worth it. The first few months are hard with breastfeeding whilst building towers/cooking tea/changing a nappy but it does get easier. They now play brilliantly so it's starting to all seem worthwhile.

Sometimes I regret not having longer with DS1 alone but this is only fleeting, it's amazing how quickly you get used to have 2.

I had a c-section with both of mine, the only practical tips I have are...

• try and get your partner to take as much time off as poss (obvious I know)
• have all nappy stuff and extra clothes etc downstairs so you don't have to keep trekking upstairs
• try and persuade DS1 to stand on a chair before you pick them up
• go to the docs after 4 weeks to see if you can drive again

A few other general things...

• slings are great
• Phil and Teds pushchair with the baby cocoon was brilliant - use the cocoon as a moses basket and you can just pick them and go! Putting your coat over the back of the pushchair acts as a black out blind - DS2 would sleep for yonks in it whilst I was out and about with Ds1
• always have nappy bag packed/shoes and coats lined up so you can make a quick exit
• have plenty of snacks on hand for Ds1 (and you) when feeding DC2
• don't feel guilty about switching the telly on
• be prepared to feel sad that you're not spending enough time with DC1 and trying to over-compensate, but finding some special 1:1 time with them is great if you can

Hope this helps - I survived (somehow!!)

Oh, one more thing - don't obsess for your entire pregnancy over 'how will I do that with 2?' like I did. Somehow you do find a way....

ridingthewave - thanks so much.
Am loving mn more and more. Never really spent much time here til now, but so many words of wisdom, advice, and encouragement - am bowled over. You are all brilliant! (Emotional pg woman here!)
We were wondering if we wouldn't need a double buggy if slinging - anyone think that unrealistic? (DS will be about 19 m when dc2 arrives (fx).) Was thinking a buggy board and sling to interchange each dc would work...

Oh I'm already doing that!
Will endeavour not to spend whole of pg doing so, thank you for telling me that now ridingthewave!

Hi again, my personal opinion would be that could be unrealistic. Even if DS1 walks everywhere it will take an age and also your pushchair can be your saviour if you need to strap them both in and escape somewhere quickly! However I have no experience of buggy boards and my DS1 is a lazy so-and-so!!

My age gap was a bit bigger (24 months and 1 day, but DC1 walked at 9 months so was a good and practised walker by 2), but for what it's worth I was fine without a double buggy at first, but got a second hand one when they were nearly 3 and nearly 1, mainly as that summer we were wanting to go for longer walks and DC1 was having a phase of refusing to walk on the way home (no matter when we turned around) but I was finding DC2 (who was and is a big lad) hard to carry for long distances by then. DC1 used to hop in and out of the cheap basic double I got then, and I only needed it about 6 months then sold it on again.

I would say it is a good idea to try no double buggy but have ideas on what you might get - no reason not to buy one once DC2 is here if you find you need one, after all there is no deadline after which you are not allowed to buy one! :) Also depends how much essential walking you do (as in needing to be somewhere at a certain time and not being able to give up and go home if kids not in a good walking mood) rather than leisure walking, if that makes sense.

A friend of mine with a gap of just under 2 years used to carry her DC1 on her back and baby on her front sometimes, but I must say I never tried that - you could try it if you really want to continue carrying DC1 though! I flew back to the UK on my own with both kids when they were 28 months and 4 months and actually used a sarong as an up-down kind of hip carrier for DC1 but a buggy for DC2, and that worked well and helped manage the very long delay at the airport late at night, so you can still carry no.1 and have no 2 in the buggy sometimes, so don't be sad!

I am not really worried about the arrival of number 3, except that I am very concious of the fact my 3 year old has mixed feelings and will need attention and for me not to let him feel left out, and I must not forget my oldest is only 5 not 15 and treat her as my little one too, as she can seem very grown up and I don't want to put pressure on her to be a "big girl" when baby arrives, as 5 is still little too!

With a small gap sibling jealousy is a lot less likely, and when it does occur more short lived I think!

agree with riding the wave that no double buggy may be unrealistic, although of course it depends on you but i had similar gap (17 months) and would not have been without it. it is so easy when you can just put them both in buggy and go, rather than dawdling along at your older dcs pace which makes it take ages to get anywhere

also agree with what people have said not too worry too much, i found the 2 of them easier than anticipated really. obviously it is more work and sometimes both need you at the same time but it is lovely to have them close together and see them develop a close bond. mine are 14 months and 2.7 now (i think.. i lose track ) and get on really well, and think as they get slightly older the age gap should seem less and less? so will be able to do same activities together which must be really nice, and would take alot longer to get to that stage with a wider age gap..

the only thing i think and regret now is that maybe i expected too much of ds1 when ds2 was newborn, i mean just that i look back and think that ds1 was such a baby himself being under 1.5 years but by considering him as the older one maybe i didnt give him as much leeway for his young age, if that makes sense

expecting another now & the gap will be a bit more than last time 20 months, but still not a huge gap. not too worried about it im sure it will work out somehow. probably the most worrying aspect to me is not having space for ds1 in the double buggy so will have to make him walk full time, although will be turning 3 by that time so hopefully will have to just increase his walking speed so he doesn't take all day, or else just put the baby in a sling.

but generally i think with having ur 2nd, or small gaps or whatever else, we tend to worry about it but when it happens you have no choice but to get on with it so you will adapt and cope, and although can be difficult is definitely worth it.

my 2nd was not planned either btw, but definitely glad we had that age gap now so i think it worked out for the best. but it is a shock at first when you find out you're having another one and your 1st is still only small. just remember though they change a huge amount over the length of the pregnancy, for such a small baby its double their life time so the amount they can do and the level of independence will increase quite a bit so things tend to be easier than you imagine it will be when you find out?

FWIW my DSis (who has 4 DCs, all roughly 2 years apart) said the biggest life-change was going 0-1 DC. Then after that, the next biggest adaptation was going from 1-2. She said adding the third then the fourth was no great shakes in comparison.

Incidentally, she is still sane(!), her kids are lovely and they all have a lot of fun together.

my dc3 was born when dc2 was 11 months old. It was completely unplanned and I only found out when I was 5 months gone due to been on the pill and still having bleeds. They are 7 and 8 now and completely different in every way but undeniably close. The first few years were tiring but so worth it.

Hello melodynelson I am still here. Just checked back and saw thread had grown.

it has helped me massively to think that I am not alone in this and that there are people that cose to have children so close together (lets say this was a happy surprise :) )
and have survived and even delighted with the way it turned out

Firawla I like your comment i think with having ur 2nd, or small gaps or whatever else, we tend to worry about it but when it happens you have no choice but to get on with it so you will adapt and cope
Because the fact is that is children in a nutshell. You do adapt. When I had DS1 my life was very different and fairly unsettled but my life has adapted to give him a settled loving home and in doing so we have so far been gifted with a relaxed and content baby.
I feel grateful that we were able to have the 2nd and I am sure we will cope.
I felt an ENORMOUS amount of guilt. I had the thought that i would be depriving DS1 of my time but I guess the point is that he will have your time, DP time AND the funtimes with DC2. SO it is a winwin situation really. WE CAN DO THIS melodynelson :)

Hey tweedlezee! You're going to think I'm bonkers then... I've got a 5 month old and TTC number 2 :) I just always wanted 2 really close together, although still BF so it's a bit of a lottery. (Now, if I get twins second time around there will be trouble!!)