I'm really quite terrified.

[Yukana]

This is my first pregnancy, and I'm young, and this baby is very very much wanted. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and have an eating disorder which I have forced to the back of my mind because of the baby. My partner has given me strength, and allowed me to be happier.

However, I'm scared, so very scared of having complications or a miscarriage. I'm about 14 weeks pregnant now, overjoyed with my bump and even the stretch marks, would you believe it! So very happy that a little one is on the way, but I'm emotionally unstable and my worry that something will happen is almost constant.

Randomly I end up thinking about horrible, horrible things, I don't want to mention them. But it involves the thought of the baby dying and I'm brought to the point of battling the tears whilst typing this. My family are in the room with me and I dare not break down when I'm not alone.

I really don't know what to do, I just can't bring myself to stop worrying, not until I have another scan and know the baby is all right.

As for physically, this might involve a little TMI: I feel very pregnant. Significant bump, can't sleep on my back at all and only on my side after spending half an hour getting comfortable, stretch marks appeared and were a bit sore yesterday, milk from my right breast in the past two days a little (not spilling, my partner squeezed it ), twinges/little sharp needle like pains in the nether regions, needing to drink a lot and slight nausea when going near strong smells. I also get backache and headaches, although I think the headaches might partly be to me not drinking enough.

There is no history I think of any kind of miscarriage in my family, at all. Most people have given birth between the ages of 18-25 in my family.

I feel like contacting my midwife but at the same time I get the thought of 'Not wanting to bother her over something minor like this'. Am I crazy, being oversensitive, being silly? I really don't know but I often wonder if my experience is common.

Hi Yukana, reading through your post and thought I would reply. You certainly have some good positives going on for you, a supportive partner who is around, family, you are well established in your pregnancy, besides not being able to get comfortable, you seem to be doing well health wise! Well done!

Your midwife should be there to talk to, ring her and if she isn't helpful get another midwife!!

You sound like you are doing just great, nobody can predict how these things go, sometimes you just have to hang on and enjoy the ride, wherever it takes you.

All the best and a HUGE ((((((hug)))))))

yakana I want to give you a big hug. You have got to 14 wks so the chances of things going wrong now are very very slim.
What is at the root of your anxiety? Do you have concrete reason to be worried? I think its very normal to worry all through pg, we all do it because there is so much publicity given to cases that go wrong, but surround yourself with other pg women and you will soon find that sad stories and complications are very very rare.
Have you joined in with one of the MN antenatal groups for the month you are due? they are fab support.
Do please contact your MW or your GP and ask for help - you might like to consider either cognitive behavioural therapy or some NLP based hypnotherapy to challenge your feelings and build some persepctive? Would a pg yoga class help you to focus on relaxing and enjoying all those weird pg feelings?
If you are living from scan to scan - you could rent or buy a doppler so you can listen in to the heartbeat when you are worried although in just a few weeks you will start getting booted firmly every few hours so you will be reassured bump is well and active!
Look after yourself...please xxx

oh and I meant to say its normal to feel anxious about the unexpected future. And I am a fellow anxious worrier so I talk from experience. All the best

Yukana Do talk to your midwife/dr about how you are feeling as that is a big part of what they are there for. Your midwife should have ideas of local support and give you some reassurance and if not her chat to your GP. You may need some extra support through what can be a bit of an roller coaster of emotions. Your midwife will also be able to go through how you are feeling physically. Our bodies change so much in pregnancy that that can be pretty frightening in itself even though those changes are normal in pregnancy. The job of a midwife is not just to routinely check things but also to guide you through the process!

Talking to my midwife about my worries and concerns was a massive relief for me. I realised that I was not the first person to feel that way and my midwife knew I may need that bit more reassurance.

What is really positive is that you are 14 weeks already and are a 3rd of the way through, you have come and talked on MN.

Look after yourself

Oh and you are defiantly NOT being silly, or oversensitive or crazy!

since being pregnant i have turned into a constant paranoid worrier. i do sympathise with you for your anxiety and concerns but i would say this is totally normal. sounds as though you have a great partner, but dont hesitate to phone yr midwife, that's what she is there for. she will be able to put yr mind at rest. but i totally understand it is so easy to worry. just try and stay positive and try and enjoy being pregnant. best of luck. x

Heksie
Thank you for the hug and replying. It puts me at ease to get the worries out at times! I don't think I'd be able to talk to my partner about it without dissolving into a pool of crying sillyness.

jasmine51
Thank you, the first line puts my mind at ease a bit.
I'm assuming by 'root of my anxiety' you meant what caused me to feel worried about my pregnancy, and no there isn't a concrete reason. It may even just be me overthinking, which is a bad habit I have. I've been looking at a ton and a half of pregnancy sites and I've read a couple of stories about miscarriages that have happened recently, worrying myself stupid that experiencing any pain at all is a bad thing.
I've joined the August 2011 group, lovely people and they've been a great help - we're all eager and excited.
Last year I had a team of a psychiatric nurse and I believe a general nurse/community nurse, but I was discharged from the service as we had a misunderstanding. DM and DP both believe I should be seeing someone for my health issues but I'm not too sure. I've not been very good at talking to people in person to be honest, unless they were very close friends. I've been considering yoga, as well.
I'll take a look at dopplers, hopefully if I get one it'll ease things further! And I will try my best. x

duckmum
Honestly, I got the feeling that midwives were just there for the appointments and a bit of help when you are close to giving birth/after birth. It seems I'm uneducated on the matter! It's good to know that I will be able to talk to my midwife, and it's reassuring to know my midwife is very kind.

Thank you for the kind words, I joined MN recently and without it I think I would've struggled a bit!

Humph123
Thank you, and it's good to know I'm not the only one going crazy with worry at times! Although it's been a bumpy ride, no pun intended! - definitely enjoying the pregnancy as a whole.

Definitely talk to your midwife, or GP. At our hospital there are special clinics for women with histories of depression or anxiety, so they can keep an extra eye on you and offer extra reassurance. They're fantastic- you get lovely long appointments. Don't know if they have one near you but they did at the few hospitals I've worked at.

Hugs.