Just can't seem to get happy

[bubbablubber]

Sorry this might be a long one! I am not sure how to even articulate what I feel in this my first pregnancy. The baby is due 24th march and I am dreading it! I have been what I can only describe as ambivalent towards the whole pregnancy at best (very sicky 1st trimester)

I am deeply mourning my old life - feel I have given everything up to have this baby and P has given up nothing.

All I do is cry and feel like I don't want the baby one day and then feel hideously guilty the next. (The baby was planned although was told it would take a while to conceive due to fertility issues) Although I conceived after 3 months.

Trying to get all baby supplies sorted and I am finding it ridiculously overwhelming, P says it will be fine and I just want to hit him - he has contributed nothing so far, not bothered to read anything, doesnt have a clue about what to buy and making no effort to find out. Are everyone's other halves like this?

I have cried at all my midwife appointments and they have referred me for counseling what I really need is someone to tell the wonderful bits of being a mum and to stop freaking out about bloody what to buy! Any help out there? - Sorry for the ramble any advice welcome

This is a hard one to answer and i dont know if this is helpful but it is a huge thing we are all doing and a massive change to our lives, minds and bodies. I'm sure hormones are contributing to the way you and many others are feeling but that doesnt make it any easier. I have wanted a baby for years and took 2 1/2 years to get pregnant, i feel ready and excited but even I have had these feelings and often feel that I havnt connected with her yet at 27 weeks. It is a huge step and I can't imagine what it's like to have an unsupportive partner. Have you told him how you feel?

I can also assure you that I have had other pregnant friends who are in the same boat that feel they are not ready to give up what they have- are struggling with the fact everything is about the baby or just feel scared and confused but have gone on to love that child once they see them - or even a few weeks after the birth. Everybody is different, feel different and handle things differently and what we are doing is hugely
overwhelming- we are growing another life!

Try to relax about getting everything ready. Take your time - do things to treat you too - your baby will love you unconditionally x

Might be a good idea to delegate things to your partner, and genuinely leave them up to him - eg I left sorting out nursery, choosing pram & car seat (I had veto over pram & car seat but not over nursery furniture), buying all the stuff for the baby (I bougth the stuff for me).... this too a weight off my mind and gave DH a job to do.

I was unhappy during the first trimester or so of my first pregnancy - it's a huge, life-changing experience so you're bound to miss your old life and be afraid for the future! When I was pregnant I felt very vulnerable, that I was at the mercy of the baby growing inside me and as though all my choices had been taken away and that while it affected me directly, physically, emotionally, mentally, it only affected my partner a small amount in comparison and I felt angry about this for a while. I think because the changes are not happening directly to them, it does not feel real right away, if that makes sense? The birth is the first time your partner will meet the child while you have fed it, protected it, felt it move e.t.c. For a long time previous. It can feel lonely but trust me it is so worth it! The rush of love every time you catch him/her looking at you, reaching for something, smiling. And your life IS NOT OVER!! You are still you, pregnancy is temporary and even though after it you will be a mother, you will still be the same person you always were. Hope you're feeling better soon!

The problem for me was that I only realised how amazing being a mother is when I actually became one. So you have this whole period when you have felt ill, changed your lifestyle and have already missed out and are aware of more things you will miss out on, but haven't got the rewards yet. It will change and you will feel it is the best and most meaningful thing you have ever done in your life (at least that is how I feel!). The hormones do really mess with your head too, and I have had times of feeling very down too. That will end though and it will all be worth it!