Gentle thread for those pregnant again after loss

[StrangeGlitter]

This is a gentle thread for mums pregnant after miscarriage, stillbirth etc.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant, EDD 15 Sept.

Overjoyed to be pregnant, but still mourning the loss of twin sons, conceived by IVF and born prematurely at 27w4d last September. Both our boys fought hard but died in infancy.

Had one previous ectopic pregnancy Nov 2009.

Anyone out there want to chat and share encouragement and positivity?

Hi Strange Glitter,

I know its bitter sweet. I am thrilled but also think alot about my son who was stillborn at 28weeks last year. I am now 29 weeks and getting past the date it happened last time was tough for me. However, I am positive and so happy when I feel lots of little (and BIG) kicks.

I know that our little angel is making sure that his baby brother/sister will be ok

xxx

Hi

Sorry for your losses kaz and strange. Wishing you both healthy and uneventful pregnancies.

I am nearly 34 weeks. My daughter passed away in April 09 a day after her birth. Was v unexpected. Had 2 MCs after that. All has been well so far in this preg. Really lucky to have had wonderful ante-natal care.

How are you coping? This week has been a tough one as the reality of everything is dawning on me. C-sec in 4 weeks and I haven't bought anything (just a few baby clothes). Tough going to choose things again.

Are you happy with the care you are receiving.

Thanks for starting this thread. x

Hi Kazmog,

First things first - massive congratulations to you! It's great to hear you are so far along, helps me to believe it really can happen after one premature birth.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. For me it has made it difficult to join antenatal threads, which can be quite isolating.

I think I will be panicking right the way through this pregnancy - I've already had a couple of episodes of bleeding (they told me it was either ectopic or miscarriage at first, but I've since seen the heart beat on a scan and the little bean is developing at the right rate.)

I'd love to hear any tips or wisdom you can offer on managing grief and anxiety in your new pregnancy - I've been unable to keep busy as I'm on maternity leave and been advised not to commute during this pregnancy, so I'm climbing the walls...

x

Aaah I know how you feel.

Well, what has helped me: just getting through the next appointment (I have been seen every 2 weeks either by MW of consultant); regular scans; reassurance scan with Nicolaides at the Fetal Medicine Centre. My MW put me in touch with perinatal services, who provided me with a psychotherapist. It has been good to talk but at the same time, I sometimes feel worse for a few days afterwards. Not sure if that is good or bad. Also, I have done lots and lots of reading about various issues surrounding preg - that is empowering as I have been able to question my consultant.

I know it easier said than done, but keeping busy is important. Being at work helped so much as my mind was occupied. I was too tired to think about anything else in the evening. I started mat. leave today, which I have been dreading.

I think what would really have helped was to meet people in a similar situation but that never happened.

Hi sh77,

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can understand why you are finding it tough, but just think about how far you have come - you are so close to the finish line. I am almost jealous to think that you will be holding your baby in 4 weeks time! Do you know whether boy/girl?

I'm going to be looked after by the Fetal Medicine Unit at UCH from 11 weeks so I'm hoping to have decent care. UCH let us down very badly when I had my twins, but they are the best specialist unit for my circumstances and have promised to provide better care for me in this pregnancy.

Stay strong - you are nearly there.

x

Thank you.x

I am having a boy. Initially, I was so hoping for a girl - wanted to know what it would have been like to bring up my daughter. But, I am overjoyed at having a boy. It would never be fair on the second child for me to wonder like this. So, the demarcation is important. She will always be my love and this child will have his rightful place.

I think you are brave going back to the same hospital. I don't think I could have been strong enough. The post-natal care let us down badly and MW failed to spot that she was poorly. But, UCH has an excellent reputation and you will be looked after well.

I cried through lots of the appointments, particularly 12 and 20 weeks scan. What has helped is seeing the same MW and consultant throughout. I couldn't bear having to repeat what happened to different staff. I hope you have continuity.

sh77 - Just had a look at the Fetal Medicine Centre, I've heard of Nicolaides, he's supposed to be good. Can I ask where you are going for your birth?

I've been wondering about getting some private medical back up for this pregnancy, but my main worry is premature birth and I don't think there is much a private doctor could do about that.

I'm going to be looked after by Pranav Pandya, the head of UCH Fetal Medicine Unit, so I'm hoping I will have decent care.

I've been in touch with a lady from TAMBA BSG whose twins also died, and strangely I have two friends who have had babies die (before I knew them) so I have felt like I've had people to talk to and it has been helpful. I do want to avoid it taking over my life though, as I believe that to heal from grief you ultimately have to let it go.

Congratulations on your son - in some ways I agree it might be easier to have a baby of the opposite sex to the one you lost so that as you say the demarcation is very clear.

Last time I thought I wanted a girl, but had twin boys and they were the most precious and beautiful things in the world - now I know that any healthy baby is a blessing.

I am finding it very hard going back to UCH, last time my antenatal care and birth were there also, and my son Oscar died there aged one month and two days. But I think they will provide the best care, and I have to do whatever is best for this baby, even if I find it hard.

I REALLY hope I can see the same midwife and consultant like you - I've been dreading explaining everything over and over again, which I've already had to do repeatedly because of the bleeding and multiple hospital visits. But in my last PG I saw a different person on every visit.