Anyone else lost their edge at work??

[smellyeli]

I don't normally start threads - just lurk, really - but after a bad day yesterday, I need to know it's not just me.....

Basically, I have a reasonably responsible job. Most of the time, I am based in one place (near where I live) and know what I'm doing from day to day (with the odd crisis thrown in) and can cope well.

However, I do occasionally have to go to London to meetings for a number of projects I'm involved in (my choice - and usually on my days 'off' as I'm 'part-time')

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with DC3 (DS is 6, DD is 2) and I just seem to be going to pot - I hate travelling away from home, I've lost confidence in my ability to speak about anything with authority, I'm taking everything very personally and - embarassingly - burst into tears yesterday (only one other person present, but still....) ahead of a meeting I was chairing in London. Managed to get it together for the meeting, but just feel awful that I lost it.

I'm sure it's all hormonal, but I work in a fairly male-dominated environment and although I know I should cut myself some slack, I don't want to let the side down and give any of them ammunition (you know the sort of thing - this is what to expect if you employ women, etc. etc.) as there are more women progressing in my field and I want to do my bit to pave the way, if you like. But I just feel like staying under the duvet! It wasn't this bad in my last two pregnancies, but I didn't have two wakeful children then, and was still training - so not as much responsibility I suppose.

Is it just me, or has anyone else felt like this during pregnancy??

oh, you are NOT alone! I'm the same - fairly responsible role, chairing meetings, normally one of those people that is great at faciliating debate and enabling people to discuss things properly. Unfortunately I too have taken comments personally rather than accepting them as part of a discussion - had to take myself outside for a moment to calm myself down, otherwise I would have bawled in the meeting!

I too am in a fairly male-dominated environment and as I was made senior at a young age I feel I have even more to prove. I'm just finding that scheduling more time between meetings etc to have to myself in case I am a bit wobbly is helping, but otherwise I can only sympathise!

The only bit of good feedback I've had so far is from a female colleague who reminded me that a) the rest of my colleagues probably haven't noticed that my performance/attitude may have changed a bit, and b) that sinus infections are rife at the moment that can make even the sternest people look a bit teary, so there's a cast-iron excuse for looking blotchy...

You are very much not alone!

In the last few weeks before starting mat leave, I definitely lost my edge. DO cut yourself some slack - it is not your fault at all and it sounds like you're doing very well.

When I spoke to friends at work, they honestly hadn't noticed and I doubt your colleagues have either.

I found that taking things a bit more slowly (imperceptable to others, but gave myself some slack) helped - taking a ten minute break if I really needed to, and taht kind of thing - really helped.

I'm sure you're right - other people will not have noticed any difference and as is often the case with these things, it's my own perception of how I'm doing that is more affected than my actual performance.

I do tend to remember people's negative comments about other peopleand tell them to myself - 'You shouldn't be doing this role if you can't cope' etc. but you are both right - allow myself a bit more time is very good advice which is sometimes difficult to follow!

I do put myself under ridiculous pressure, and I'm sure some of that is fuelled by the media - all these reports of super-competent women who work (looking gorgeous) until the moment of delivery and then ping back into shape afterwards..... I think I should have been born fifty years earlier . I love my job, but at the moment all of that hard-won equality doesn't seem quite so important.......

This thread is timely as this topic has been fascinating me for some time. It started as a study of why new mums who have previously been career orientatated decide not to return to work after having every intention to do so. However I am now looking at what happens that causes pg ladies to 'lose focus'. Being pg myself and running my own business I can certainly relate.
I have many thoughts on the matter but for me in pg everything is very intense, emotions, new physical experiences, new knowledge etc. There is an understandable need to spend alot of time focussed on myself and to tap into the right brain areas of intuition, imagniation, dreaming etc and not so much use of left brain logic. In comparison, its quite an effort to put as much energy on work, it just isnt as motivating...in a way work seems grey whilst pg is in full colour if that makes sense.

Would love to hear others ideas.

Jasmine, I don't feel like I can spend any time focused on myself! But maybe that's having 2 DC's already and being generally rushed..... It's just that 'corporate' thing that has gone - maybe you're right, it's about preparing to be in a nurturing role. Perhaps it's a protective strategy that your body invokes, in the same way as going off tea/coffee/alcohol is a protective strategy (doesn't happen to all, but has to me - DH is now drinking for two)

at 28 weeks I've just lost the will to work. I mean I'm here and I'm doing it, but quite robotic like. It doesn't really motivate me.

I've been low in haem which I'm sure has made my brain function a little mushy. I do find fish oils help with overall brain function in PG & while BF though.

i am impressed you are working! I am 12 weeks and havent managed a full day since before Xmas when I was about 5 weeks and started getting HG. I have been to work a few days here and there (not lasting long) and only 2 of those days I was productive.

I am terrified of going back, I am so over emotional, cant deal with too many things going on at once and pressure at the moment would break me. This is SUCH the opposite of how I normally am, its terrifying!

SmellyEli, I think the most important thing to remember is people generally form an opinion of you early on and stick to it, so I am guessing that everyone you work with thinks you are highly able, doing responsible job very well etc etc! This is handy as I too have found it pressureful to maintain total calm and control in the midst of motherhood. Interestingly I could handle the pregnancy but found i was beset by very profound feelings of work-related inadequacy in maternity leave - currently on leave with DD3. While this may well have hormonal element I think the huge life events that you are in the middle of, as well as big pressure to be achieving alpha mum, also play a part for me. My advice to those on baby number 2 or more is to try and take as much mat leave as you can and also to go on leave relatively early - and certainly earlier than you went off with your others.

As other posters have said, I bet your colleagues haven't even noticed what you consider to be a drop in performance.

Good luck!

To clarify by 'alpha mum' I mean alpha at work (I am below beta at home and like it that way)

So glad you have posted this! I'm also more of a lurker than a poster but this has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm 29 weeks now and really starting to struggle at work (I suspect the lack of sleep is a contributing factor) I had no idea that my confidence in my professional ability would be dented so much by being pregnant. I'm young (24) and female in a male dominated industry- my peers are generally 30+ and alpha male types, so I am familiar with feeling like i need to prove myself, the theory behind 'imposter syndrome' really resonates with me and pregnancy has made it so much worse. :( no words of advice but you are definately not alone x

jasmine that rings a bell with me. I was like this last time too-bumbling along dreaming, no focus, takes ages to get stuff done and I have to double-check it. I can work, it just takes longer, my head is just elsewhere.

You're totally not alone, I have the same thing, as well as paranoia at being 'phased out' i.e. not being involved in things that I normally would be, as I won't be here to deliver the project, and my maternity cover person is going instead, but it does tend to make me feel a bit surplus to requirements. The thing is, I imagine that people are trying to lighten my workload a bit so I am not stressed, which is nice, but not good for the ego!

D

Dreaming I am definitely well below alpha out of work, as evidenced by my performance in the playground this afternoon, trying to drag along a screaming toddler whilst shouting at a six year old who kept running off. But at work - you are right, I form opinions of people early on that are pretty firm, and the people I regard as competent would have to really do a bad job to fall out of that category, so thank you for reminding me of that! And don't even talk about going back after maternity leave - dreading it already......

I think perhaps we (me? society?) underestimate the effect of pregnancy and motherhood on our 'world view' - I don't want to get into the whole debate about work - I love my job and generally my 'work-life balance' is very manageable - but to expect to carry on regardless is wrong, so maybe my hormones are telling me something important.

My Mum was a teacher. When she was pregnant with me in the early 70's she worked until 6 months and then left for good. That's just how it was. Maybe I need to think about going earlier than 36 weeks??

Jasmine - I run an engineering based consultancy and when I first found I was pregnant the plan was that I would go back to work and DP would look after the baby. I went back, very part time when DS was 18 months and now he is aged 6, I have little desire to earn money any more. I like to stay home and make cakes I suppose it has been intensified over the last year and a half because of DS's medical difficulties, but I am a different person to the one that worked all hours possible.

My story is more extreme but I actually quit my job (which I only had for a short time and hated with a passion) couple of days before I found out I was pregnant. I was so emotional and just spilled it to my bosses and told them how it was. I did not understand what was happening because I am usually logical, well composed and fair at my job. At first I was confused but now I know that it was a natural reaction, my pregnancy went well without any events and I was very relaxed through out. Now that I said that I am actually 6 days overdue, may be I am too relaxed :)

i just hit 33 weeks seemingly with repetive evening tears....

My manager pulled me up on my slipping performance the day I told her that I was a)pregnant, and b) GP thought I might be misscarrying (so could I have Friday off for a D&C) So despite my very responsible job, I now have no respect for her and her decisions, have asked for a transfer and have been ignored.

After the medics informed us that we werent having a mc, she said she had looked into it and felt my work had started to deteriorate around the time I fell pregnant, had I discussed the pregnancy with DP and what was I going to do.

See my old manager about a transfer back thats what, I love my job and am trying desperately to function at my pre PG level, but Im obviously just not up to it :( .

violet I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Your manager doesn't sound very understanding. I hope things work out for you.

babynelly it sounds as if your hormones protected you - glad you've had a relaxing pregnancy, hope baby comes soon!!

I'm feeling better having read your response on here, and will try and cut myself a bit more slack at work - we'll see how things go. I've also talked to DH a bit about how I feel as he didn't realise quite how bad it had got. He is very lovely and sent me back to bed for a nap this evening to recover from my London trip

Certainly cut yourself some slack Smellyeli. I remember turning down certain work in the last 3 months of pregnancy as I didn't have the wherewithall to work out how to get in the car, let alone do the work when I got there some days