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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling TTC friends I'm pregnant

17 replies

shufflebum · 30/01/2011 21:32

Not sure if this should be here or conception but will see how I get on.
I'm 6w pg with DC2, we have friends who have been TTC DC1 for almost 2 years now with no success. They are currently having clomid but again no luck yet. I see her every day and am really dreading starting to show and having to tell her as I just feel it will be so in her face all the time. I have already had to console her when a work colleague became pregnant recently but she thought she would manage as she worked in a diferent department so wouldn't see her all the time
Any tips/ideas? Just want to make it as painless as possible for her.

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rubyslippers · 30/01/2011 21:35

Tell her face to face

Hard situation

Original poster

shufflebum · 30/01/2011 21:45

Yes would definitely do face to face (although would love to wuss out and text) DH thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it but it's really getting to me and stopping me from really enjoying my own pregnancy. Now that sounds selfish! Arghhh

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Allypally16 · 30/01/2011 21:48

Hi Shufflebum,
I've got a group of friends in a similar situation - ranging from ttc for 1.5 years to 3 years, to get pregnant with first or second. We've all tried to happy for each other even if our own situation was not good. If you tell her sensitively and be up front, she'll probably be happy for you in your situation. It will be her turn soon enough and then the time will be right.

Original poster

shufflebum · 30/01/2011 21:50

Thanks Ally
Just need to strap a pair on and do it. I'm thinking it's best to wait until I'm nearer 12 weeks just in case I mc?

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Allypally16 · 30/01/2011 21:54

Or tell sooner and then if anything goes wrong you'll have her support and be in it together. Also, the sooner you say the sooner it will be off your mind! Good luck anyway, it's a tricky one, but often people surprise you.

Scruffyhound · 30/01/2011 21:56

I think tell her face to face. My cousin was really down and upset she tried for 2 yrs and had IVF they now have a 2yr old boy. I already had my son but I had an abortion when I was 22 and she knew that. When I found out she was having trouble I asked her not to hate me and that I would do anything possible to help even be an egg donor. I think this might be a bit much to offer your friend! But I told her face to face when I was pregnant and let her know it would be her turn soon and it was 2 yrs on. Tell your friend and dont feel bad about it you cant help being pregnant. Good Luck

Original poster

shufflebum · 30/01/2011 21:57

Thanks, trouble was we weren't even really "trying" to conceive so I think she's going to be surprised and shocked too.
Here's hoping I'm the one who is surprised!

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niamh29 · 30/01/2011 22:04

Make sure to tell her on her own a week or so before telling anyone else to give her a chance to get used to the idea, I had to tell friends about my pregnancy after they had miscarraiges recently and it was very tough, I also had to tell my sil who's been ttc for 2 years, it was so hard but they were all really happy for me and they never showed their pain if they felt it. It is tough but you'll feel better once you've told her.

Chynah · 30/01/2011 22:05

Please don't let this tarnis yur own joy. It's sad she is still trying but she is going to run into people every day who are pregnant. From m xperience a real friend will be happy for you (at least to your face :) )

SingingSands · 30/01/2011 22:06

I was in exactly your shoes 2 years ago. It was horrible, but I managed to tell my friend face to face. It was really hard on her though because another mutual friend was also pg at the time.

To be honest it put a strain on our friendship, she avoided us both for our entire pregnancies, which in turn was hurtful to us. But I couldn't sit about waiting for her to get pregnant before me to spare her feelings, the time was right for DH and I to try for our second and we had a big enough gap between kids as it was.

Good luck, it won't be easy but you can't hide your pregnancy from her forever.

Greeninkmama · 30/01/2011 22:08

I would wait until 12 weeks if you can, for your own sake.

DuelingFanjo · 30/01/2011 22:09

I used to think (when I had fertility issues) that face to face was best but now I think when you do that you're putting the other person into a position where they have to put a breave face on. Still, I don't know if there's any right way to do it - it all depends on the person you are telling.

If you are a really really good friend then she will probably appreciate your difficulty in telling her.

Original poster

shufflebum · 30/01/2011 22:09

Thanks for all the support, I know I have to tell her, won't wait till 12 weeks but will give it a little longer. (Although expanding boobs may give it away before then!)

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clareanna · 30/01/2011 22:09

Hi I had a similar situation with my work colleague who I sit next to. We'd both MC'ed within a few weeks of each other, but I already have a DS and she was undergoing fertility treatment and has subsequently decided not to continue trying. I chose to tell her first, and at the end of the day on a friday so she had a weekend to come to terms with it. I've also been very careful not to talk too much about the pg, show scan photos or complain about pg symptoms in front of her. Good luck and congratulations

sleepwhenidie · 30/01/2011 22:12

I wonder too about the face to face thing, it does require people to act delighted for you there and then which may not be how they feel-perhaps on phone would be best to let her get her head around it before seeing you? I am sure someone in your friend's shoes will be along to tell you soon what they think.

iPaddle · 30/01/2011 22:17

I agree with your dh.

Completely see why it may be hard for her, but you're doing nothing wrong. So long as you are tactful - and you onviously will be - then there's not much more you can do. This isnt about her, please just enjoy your pg

Original poster

shufflebum · 31/01/2011 14:07

I told a good friend last night and she was thrilled so I'm feeling a bit happier about everything! The friend having the fertility issues isn't a very close friend it's just I see her so frequently as we keep our horses at the same farm. So it's twice a day everyday no chance of avoiding each other.
I think she will be understanding as she is a nice person, just hope she gets some luck this year!

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