motherhood

[kittypocket]

Would you mind if I used your comments to the following questions for my studies in MA multi disciplinary print, I'm looking at the social identity of motherhood.

As yet I am not sure how they will be used, but as soon as I know I will let you know.

I fully understand if you choose to decline my request.

The questions are

How did you cope with being a mother for the first time?

and

How different is motherhood to life before?

1. I dunno, I just coped- you have to! The lack of sleep was easier than I thought to cope with and my husband and mum were very supportive. The thing I found most difficult to cope with was unsolicited advice from everyone, people seemed very quick to tell me I was doing it wrong. It made me feel a bit isolated in the beginning until I had the confidence to tell them to sod off ignore them.

1. Very different! But much better. I find myself much less interested in some of the more frivolous things like films, celebrities etc. It's not that I don't have the time, I just don't care.

1. I think you just have to get on with it but as I had a brilliant support network of husband Mam and in laws I managed to rest when it all got too tiring. I also found the conflicting advice from everyone hard work too but my husband backed me up 100% with all decisions about how things should be done. The lonleliness after the initial excitement is over and husband is back at work was hard but I made myself go out to baby clinic each week and got in touch with other Mam's this way, 3 of them are now very good friends and their company during maternity leave was invaluable, as was the local toddler group.
2. Life has changed completely..for the better. Although tired a lot of the time with combining work and home life we seem to do more and get more out of life now. Our son gets us up early on weekends and we get out and about as a family, we probably get more exercise and fresh air than we ever did before parenthood! I am closer to my brother now that we are both parents too, it's a common bond. The one tough thing I have noticed is that I feel guilt more than ever before - guilt at having to work and leave my son, guilt that I don't spend enough quality time with my husband, guilt that on the odd occasion I just want a few hours totally to myself! But I wouldn't change being a Mam for anything.

1. I found it really hard. Things that I thought would bother me didn't like my post-pregnancy tummy but the lack of time to myself is something I find very hard, although I keep telling myself that it will pass as he grows and I'll have more time whenever I stop breastfeeding. I find the responsibility overwhelming at times especially as I don't have a strong support network but any help that is offered I do take. Sleepless nights do creep up on you and I find lack of sleep harder at 4 months than at 1 month. But I have coped, you find it within yourself and I think the birth prepared me for finding the strength within.

1. Life is very different. There are things about my old life I miss and do mourn. But I have gained so much too. The love I feel for my baby has obviously changed me. In some ways life feels more heavy as there is more to plan and do, in other ways I bother less with petty things so life feels emotionally fuller. My relationship with partner has been affected, it can't help but change things between you.

Thank you so much for being frank and honest. Would you please consider the following questions and respond if you dont mind?

What do you miss about your old life?
Do you feel that you now have a different identity to the one before motherhood?
Do you think people view you differently now and if so could you compare it?

thank you

Kittypocket, I don't know if you have looked at these for pre-reading for your MA but there are 2 brilliant books that talk about motherhood and changes once baby is born.

What Mother Do by Naomi Stadlen

Life After Birth by Kate Figes

I found both of these really helpful particularly when motherhood seemed completely overwhelming and more than I could manage. Helped to not only put things in perspective but also understand that everyone is experiencing the same things.

1. Tough to say! Sometimes I miss being able to do what I want when I want to do it but then I get to do lots more things like go to the zoo all the time and have water fights that are a bit silly to do when you don't have DCs.

1. I don't feel like I have a different identity. Actually I feel more confident but I don't know whether that's due to motherhood (finally found something I'm good at!) or due to getting older.

1. I don't think so. I don't get IDed in Tesco any more though!

1. I miss the simplicity of life before motherhood, getting to work on time each day has to be planned and organised with military precision. I miss being bored, the kind of bored where you just think, I'll have a long bath and read that new book. And I miss sleep, uninterrupted and late lie in's.
2. I feel different, yes. I'm not just me, I'm Harry's Mam. Thats a good thing though, I never was one for being an independant soul, I like being part of a package, Jon's wife, Harry's Mam.
3. I feel like I am viewed differently in some things but not all. I feel like I have caught up with friends who had children so much earlier than me, like I am in their gang again if you see what I mean. At work I feel like the fact that I put my family first means I'm not 100% committed anymore.