TTC after miscarriages

[ArchieandElliot]

Hi
Well I'm running on empty at the moment. Two miscarriages last year. One at 21 weeks and a full labour, I held him in my arms. Another at 11 weeks and I held that little person in my hand. I thought I was pregnant again this month but 38 days in and my period comes, oh does she come! The heaviest and most painful yet (and they are always heavy and painful). So I'm back at the starting blocks and wondering how to drag myself up again. My friends, sister in law and DH's sister in law are all pregnant and I can't face any of them. Everyone thinks I'm being selfish or "should be over it by now" but I'm not and never will be. I want to scream and shout, I want to hide away, I want to be pregnant and get to hold my baby alive and kicking. If I have to hear that "oh she's finding it tough being pregnant" one more time I will lose my temper. All I want is their 'misery' of being pregnant.
I know I'm not the only one, but it feels so lonely.

Hi ArchieandElliot

I'm really sorry I haven't got anything to offer in terms of advice but I read your post and wanted to send you a big hug.

I've not experienced anything like the loss you have, but I did have a mc in Dec at 6 weeks and that knocked me for 6. I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling. People can be so insensitive with what they say, even people who should know better. I told my Mum recently about a friend of mine being pregnant, she asked when it was due and when I told her she said "oh that's about when yours would have been" Like I didn't know that already!

Do you know what caused your miscarriages? I really hope you get your happy news soon.

Hi ArchieandElliot

I am so sorry about your losses and just want to reassure you that all that you are feeling is completely normal. x

There is a lovely thread in Conception which may help you while you are TTC. here

Take care and I wish you good news soon.

Hi there. So sorry to hear about your losses. Miscarriage is still quite taboo I think. I had one last year and when I mentioned it to friends loads of them had been through it and I never knew.
Maybe get in touch with the miscarriage association for some support?
I wish you the best of luck.

hi im very sorry for your losses, i had a mc at 11 weeks last yr it was painful and i will never be over it but i had to draw a line under it and move on before i went mad, i will never forget my pregnancy but that doesnt mean you cant move on, when my sil said she was pregnant i hated her for a few days before i kicked myself out of it, its hard but you have to try to be happy for them after all if it was you they would be happy for you, i am very lucky as i have found out i am pregnant after 3 months ttc so im just trying to say there is always hope and looking to the future doesnt mean forgetting the past, good luck, dont give up and keep trying, ps im here if you ever get lonely i know its a very lonely experience, hth x

Hi there.
Not sure if this is any help, lots of hugs heading your way.
I don't know how your experience has been but after my twins miscarried at 21 weeks in 2009 I felt after a few months everyone else had moved on and that I should have done too although I still felt very lost. It was only after talking to someone else who had been through a similar experience I realised that everything I felt then and still feel now is normal. I didn't feel any less frustrated, angry and generally fed up but I felt less lonely and that it is ok to be still on the "roller coaster". Its a cliche but it has become easier to manage over time, no less painful but easier to pull myself up.

All I can say is let yourself have lots of TLC and that venting everything out here is good!
Take care of yourself and fingers crossed for good news soon.

Thank you. Yes I did feel that duckmum. When I lost Archie my DH and I had lots of visits from medical people straight after it happened when we were so in shock that we couldn't talk to them. When we needed to talk things through there was no one there anymore. Our time was over and we were supposed to shut up and get on with it.
I think I will be happy for people being pregnant when I'm pregnant too but at the moment I don't have that to focus on. And the days are very long when you are trying to conceive. I won't be happy for my DH's sister in law because I really don't like her but being around her would certainly be easier if I had my baby.
Thanks for the link magic8 I will have a look properly later. Here's hoping this month works out. This period is a monster and I can't wait for it to get lost.

ps Laylasmummy is right there is always hope, TTC was emotionally draining but after 6 months and lots of pregnancy tests later and a fair bit of nail biting there is now a few weeks to go. Good luck.

I know. I will keep everything crossed. Well not everything or I'll never get pregnant again!

Hi Archieand Elliot,
Huge hugs your way to start, I had a MMC in August and I completely fell apart so I know exactly how you are feeling especially that it all comes flooding back every month you are not pregnant. Personally I found it really difficult to talk about at first but if and when you are ready I would recommend the miscarriage association as they are really great. Just remember that you should NOT feel guilty that you don't want to hear about other people's pregnancies this is a time to focus completely on yourself! Good luck to you and I really hope you get your baby x

Hi Verity, so sorry about your MMC. Are you trying again now or is it still too soon? I'm actually feeling more positive now I'm at the end of my period now. Every period since I started trying back in 2008 has put me under a black cloud and that only got worse after the first miscarriage. Like you said all the memories of losing the babies comes back with complete clarity. As soon as the periods finishing my brain clicks into "right lets think about getting you pregnant this month" mode. That's not to say I'm dancing through fields of corn or anything but I'm much easier to be around.