Pros and Cons of having a baby at 20....

[broodyelle]

all opinions welcome!

I am 20 and thinking about having my first. I have wanted to be a mum for ages, years, so 3 years ago I got a dog, love my dog, but still want to be a mummy!

My DP is my soul mate, we have been living together for 15 months. He has a full time job and is up for promotion. I do not have a job I am studying a degree 6 hours a week.

I know many of you will probably talk about what I will miss out on by having a baby early but I do not go out clubbing, I don't have any friends at uni, I am very mature for my age. My best friends are friends that I have had since the age of 15 they are typical 20 year olds and often tell me off for being such a boring adult! I enjoy going on walks and staying in with DP to watch a film. I have been to America five times, france almost every year, sweden, italy, belgium, austria, switerland, australia, spain so have definitely done a lot of travelling.

My DP has saved up twenty thousand pounds so we have a security backup money wise.

I have read the parenting posts, lots of anxious parents and babies eating their own poo! It didn't put me off!

I know it sounds like I have already made my mind up but I am responsible and I want to make sure that I have thought about everything.

Firstly Congrats

I was 19 when i had my child, so I can only reelate to the being young part.

you'll do fine, people have coped for 100 of years and so will you.

I had my first son when I was 19. He wasn't planned but I had always wanted children at some point and was pleased when I found out I was expecting. I always loved my son dearly but spent the next four years wishing I had waited and not wanting any more DC. I agreed to DS2 as that was what DH wanted and DS3 was unplanned. At the time though I would have said I was a good age to have childre, there were lots of positives etc.

Now I am 34 and pregnant with DC6. I feel so different about having a child this age and am enjoying it much more than I did my other pregnancies and I fel I am a better mother now than I was at 19, although I was always a good Mum and always a confident parent.

I don't regret having my first DC, but I do wish I had known then what I do now and waited.

For me, it wouldn't have been right at 20. Financial independence is important to me therefore I waited to have children until I knew I could support myself and them on my own should something terrible happen to my DH, or to our relationship. Honestly though I didn't have much urge to be a Mum before then so it wasn't a dilemma.

Have you thought about this issue though? It sounds like your current security relies on parents and DP...

I had ds at 17, (he was a accident)
DD at 21
dc3 expecting at 23

I will give you a honest answer on what I have found to be the pros and cons.
but I will point out that I was a child carer and never felt I could be irresponsible like others, once you have grown up you cant un grow.
PROs

Young enough to run around after him, and play lots of fun games.

On dd my pg had the lowest age risk factors.

I have heard that young mums are more likely to have a uncomplicated birth (dont know how true that ir)

We have a big family my mum had me as a accident at age 19, and her mum was married at 16 and pg at 17 (which was normal for her generation) So my nan is younger than many peoples mothers and able to have a good relationship with my son. To have 4 generations together under one roof and for my children to have that extra generation.

I actually find I enjoy being a young mum because I dont mind taking a step back on what I want because my children will all have left when I am in my 40s so I can travel then.

I find I didn't have the choice of SAHM or WM taken away b ecause I had to pursue a carreer or make a choice between the two. i can just start my career when my children are in full time school and I will still be less than 30 when I have my choosen career.

Because we were young we had barely any debt, and could then judge better.

My partner does have a good job and had done his degrees though.

CONS

I have no friends they all drifted away, I find it hard to maqke frineds with other mums because they are alot older than me.

Having no friends with children of there own means that my son had no children before school and as a result found playing with others hard.

I cannot go out.

Do not expect any help if you do this I am not offered baby sitting and me and my DP do it all alone.

It can be hard being stuck in the house having nothing interesting to say to friends when there social lifes are a whirlwind I sometimes feel a litte sad but then I look at my children and I am happy.

Being a young mum people will judge you.

Younger people the family are terrible for trying to take over and you may have a lot of arguments about this.

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.

I think you should do what you and your partner WANT to do! You are emotionally and financially secure, imo that's as far as you can realistically prepare for a child. There is no perfect time to have a baby and until you have one you cannot have any real understanding of what being a mum actually involves, it's not something you can practice.

I had my DS at 16 and DS2 is due in April, I'll be 20 with two children

I can honestly say, I don't miss out on going out and socialising. My friends are just as busy with work/uni/their partners, we meet up probably once a week and have a night out maybe once every 6 weeks. I do my uni work at home and will be volunteering at the weekends as soon as I get a new car!

I think that ultimately you know you want a child, you're both adults, you don't have to ask permission It's your life, live it how you want to. Regret is a horrible thing.

Interesting post! My two cents ...

I'm 22 and due on Feb 2nd, so guess I can relate. I know people on here are keen on marriage, but seriously, if you're not fussed then don't bother. Getting married for legal reasons is NOT a reason to get married if it's not for you at this point.

In all honesty, pros and cons.

Pros:
I feel I've had it 'easier' than older pregnant women I've met. It hasn't been brilliant, but my body has handled it well.

Both DP and I are glad that we'll be young parents - we're both full of energy and are very active. I appreciate older parents can be energetic too!

I thought I'd lose all my friends but actually, I don't think I've lost a single one because of this. If anything, they are really excited and positive about it all - it's brought me closer to a few of them. That may change however, when baby is actually born and throwing up everwhere!

I do feel more settled and happy with 'myself'. Being pregnant has made me more peaceful, responsible and generally nicer (!) than anything I've experienced before.

Cons:
We'd rather have bought a house first, and in London, even with DP's savings, a baby has now made that impossible in the immediate future.

We'd rather have more money! We both have full-time jobs and very good degrees, and earn approx 60k pre-tax between us, but again, in London with childcare etc, that doesn't go far.

Having a baby young really does tie you down. I think both of us are now thinking, "Wow, this is it. A little person FOREVER."

I do find it hard to bond with other mothers to be, at antenatal classes etc. They are all older, and I feel there may be preconceptions about 'young mothers' floating around.

Can't drink, too tired to stay out late, miss letting loose and wearing tiny clothes and generally being young. The one thing I will say is that I DO feel my 'youth' has been cut short. I don't resent that, and am sure I'll have some fun after baby is born, but it will never be the same. It's a trade-off that is definitely worth making, but do consider it.

Career: depends how important it is to you. It's very important to me: do finish your degree if you can because it all suddenly gets difficult when you have a baby! I've realised that the only way to keep my career on track is to go back to work asap and sacrifice baby time. But that's another trade-off.

So ... yes, pros and cons. More cons than pros! But of course, the big pro is that you get your baby, which is brilliant. I don't think 20, 21 or 22 is 'still a baby' and if it's what you and your DP want, do it. But you're not going to suddenly become unable to have a baby in the next couple of years, so maybe finish the degree first.

Thanks for all the posts!

Me and DP have decided to wait. I will finish my degree and get a job and work there long enough for the maternity pay then start SWI!!! :o

So I have about two years to wait, which really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, I will be 22/3 when baby comes :)

For now I have given myself some projects, planning an amazing 4 week trip to Oz in Easter, going mad at Ikea to make the flat look amazing and getting a first in my degree.

Hey Broodyelle

good luck with the degree! Even though I wrote earlier "there's no perfect time to have a baby" I must admit that I feel much more confident in myself, knowing that I've got a degree under my belt.

It is sensible to invest in your own career so that you're not 100% reliant on partner and family, down the track.

And, heck, if you 'accidentally' get pregnant within the next couple of years it sounds like you'd make the most of it :)

We fell pregnant with our first child when we were 22 and finishing our university degrees. It was a bit of a rush for us to get jobs, house etc sorted, but we made it work and I certainly wouldn't change my life. When DD was 1 I did a PGCE (hard work with a little child) and am now a teacher. We got married when DD was 2.5yrs old, which was a fab, but expensive day and I know I would have enjoyed it much more had we done it pre-child. I didn't like the fact that I had a different last name to my daughter pre-marriage and felt much happier once we were a 'proper' married family! DS1 was born a yr later when I was 26 and we are now 30 and expecting DC3. If I was you I would get married first and consider a child in next couple/few years once you have completed your degree and got yourself completely secure. Having said that I love being a younger mum and I wouldn't change my family at all!

I just found out I’m pregnant, I’m 20 and work a full time job and have been supporting myself since I was 16. A few months ago my partner and I got pregnant and I had an abortion because he did not want a baby and I felt overwhelmed and alone.
I did not ever feel ok with that decision, but now I’m back in the same spot. I want to continue the pregnancy even if it’s hard and I struggle for a few years before going to school. But my partner is completely against it and not having a strong support system leaves me with the impression I’m being naïve, or won’t be able to give my child the best life

Personally I’d finish my degree and get a career first, and do some more travelling. Think about it in a few years. No rush at 20!

There is no right or wrong answer here, only you and your partner can say whether it is the right time to bring a child into your world.

My parents were 20 and 21 when they had me then they had 3 more kids before they turned 30. They're divorced and both remarried now but young enough to enjoy life now their kids are all grown up.

I'm 37 and currently pregnant with my first child. You couldn't have paid me to have a child 17 years ago, I was too busy travelling the world and building a career and figuring out who I really am. I feel this is the perfect time for me to now start a family.

Neither is right or wrong.