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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should I lie to midwife?

45 replies

loomer · 18/01/2011 16:21

I've just found out that I am pregnant with second baby after nearly three years of trying (DD has just had her fifth birthday!).

However, because I have a very long cycle (around 38 days) I am considering lying about the date of my last AF when I go to see midwife. Since DH and I have been following the 'ins and outs' of my cycle so closely I know for certain the exact day that I conceived, and it was three weeks after my AF. However, the midwife will date me in the assumption that conception was around two weeks after AF like with any 'normal' cycle... meaning that baby's due date will be approximately one week earlier than 'normal'.

Do you think it would be silly to tell her that my AF was a week later than it actually was? FWIW I was totally honest with my first pregnancy, and DD arrived three days before due date.

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EdgarAleNPie · 18/01/2011 18:21

scan more accurate than dates - they should go by scan date. you can always refuse induction anyway.

Tokyotwist · 18/01/2011 18:21

The only reason why this would make a difference is when you get your first scan. As the rest of your appointments/dates will be based on the dating first scan.

I wondered what to say to Midwife and GP as I also have 38-42 day cycles. I ended up explaining but, it turns out they book the first scan based on a 28 day cycle regardless of what your dates are. This is because there is only a short window 10-14 weeks to do the Downs test, so if you happen to be wrong you could miss that window.

I am 8 weeks now, they think I'm 10 weeks. At my scan I will be 9-5 weeks and will probably have to postpone the Downs tests for another week or two.

In short, just tell them, it won't make any difference to when they book your first scan.

FeralGirlCambs · 18/01/2011 18:32

Tokyotwist that's exactly what happened to me re scans - it seems they book regardless for 12 weeks from LMP but then if it's too early you have to go back. So due date comes from scan not LMP.

Sparklies · 18/01/2011 18:33

I told the truth with my first baby (ovulated day 29 - charting, OPKs, the lot) but they didn't believe me. They used the dates at my first scan which at least fell just within the cut off for NT scans, which put me three days behind what I knew I was. I thought nothing of it at the time.

At 36w6d by their dates (37w2d by ovulation) I went into labour. Didn't get my planned homebirth as I was 5 hours short of the cut off. Ended up with a dreadful hospital bank midwife instead of my lovely community midwives. The hospital midwife made two mistakes, one of which landed me back in hospital two weeks later for 3 nights with post partum haemorrhage, and the other nearly cost the life of my second daughter due to incompetent cervix caused by totally avoidable birth trauma in the right hands. After speaking to the community midwives, neither of those mistakes would have happened with them and the homebirth I wanted.

Okay, so I'm a really rare example of it actually making a real difference, but you can bet I lied this time out all the same even though it will probably make no difference.

Some midwives are fine with women knowing their own bodies and will listen, but not all of them. Maybe play it by ear when you have your booking appointment?

Original poster

loomer · 18/01/2011 18:38

Thanks all - I will be honest and explain, I'd rather not lie, but I do recall from first pregnancy that when I tried to mention it to midwife she completely ignored what I said - although I didn't realise at the time that dating would be done from the 12 week scan.

In the intervening years I had also totally forgotten this fact, it's been too long!

Also good point about me not really knowing date of conception that accurately - I'm just assuming that we hit the nail on the head (as it were) since the previous thirty-odd months had been relatively useless! Very scientific reasoning, I know.

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Original poster

loomer · 18/01/2011 18:41

Crikey Sparklies, that's a really sad situation, I'm sorry that you didn't get your planned home birth. I hadn't considered that it could make such a difference, but I will keep my fingers crossed that all comes good with the scan dating.

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NormalityBites · 18/01/2011 18:47

My first scan dated my pregnancy incorrectly to the tune of 19 days difference from LMP!

reallytired · 18/01/2011 18:53

If your little one comes a bit early and you have lied then your baby and you could be subjected to a highly medicalised birth. They might think your baby is premature and monitor to you kingdom come.

Better to tell the truth. The dating scan will give the information needed. If you are worried about accuracy you could pay for an earilier scan to date the pregnancy.

I hope you get the birth you want. However midwives are not the enemy. They are just doing their job.

dudachef · 18/01/2011 18:57

They worked out the date my son was going to be born by the first scan because my period was always irregular. He was born 10 days later than predicted but I was able to avoid induction by two days and give birth naturally. The midwife said he wasn't 10 days overdue (taken into account weight and waxy look of skin) so the scan gave an 8-days early due date. Knowing the exact day your baby was conceived won't help to know when he/she will be born because not all pregnancies are the same length.Don't worry about the baby being induced too early, for my experience , the midwifes really try to avoid induction and give you the best change to have a natural birth and to let the baby arrive when he/she wants.They are also scared of not getting the baby out in time so if you are late they will check on you very often after you given date. Don't lie. All the best.

monkey32 · 18/01/2011 19:11

I am currently pregnant with DC3. I have a 35 day cycle and my due date has always been worked out bearing that in mind, ie at initial calculation is a week later than it would be for 28 day cycle.

As everyone else says it's all academic anyway as they date you from your scan.

Congrats!

Poppet45 · 18/01/2011 19:22

Hmmm I think I'd say use your instinct and lie if you have to, given that there aren't any negative implications if you do - but some if you don't. I'm personally very dubious of scan accuracies two. My dates were moved back two weeks at the 12 week which became 10 week scan because DS's intestines hadn't moved back into his body - which is a very clear marker for age. However he arrived two days after his new due date.... too massive to get out without a section, slightly jaundiced, no vernix whatsoever and with peeling skin all over his hands and feet. Looking much more like a two week overdue baby than one arriving bang on its due date. In future I will be more insistent/devious to avoid this happening again.

Original poster

loomer · 18/01/2011 19:41

Don't get me wrong reallytired, I don't think that midwives are the enemy at all... I had a fabulous homebirth with DD, and the community midwives were nothing less than delightful throughout. They have my respect and admiration.

I just don't want to end up being induced a week early... but hopefully it won't come to that, since DD was slightly early I'm hoping the second one will be too.

OP posts:

pettyprudence · 18/01/2011 19:44

I have a 35-ish day cycle and know exactly when i conceived too and my 12 week scan showed that..... however the midwives have still totally disregarded that and stuck to my LMP due date, which means that if i go over, the midwives will think i am 5 day more over than i actually am! I'm not too worried about it at the moment (30wks according to midwife) but come back to me in 10 weeks! I wouldnt necessarily lie to the midwife, but keep in mind your "own" due date

herethereandeverywhere · 18/01/2011 20:35

TBH I would lie. Where I live dates aren't adjusted unless they are >7 days out. This meant that I was induced at 40+12 which was actually only 40+9 (according to my dates which were spot on as I was OPK testing). Once the medical machine starts moving it's difficult to move against it.

If I'd have known the 7 days rule I'd have lied from the beginning. When I tried to explain the facts I just got the 7 day rule repeated and the mw dates were stuck with.

If your dates are very wrong then the scan will adjust them anyway.

pistachio · 18/01/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petsville · 18/01/2011 21:08

I did lie - said LMP had been a week later than it actually had, as I have a long cycle. I knew to within a day or two when I conceived (only weekend we had sex that month!), and from experience knew that the HCPs I was dealing with wouldn't believe me. It meant everything was timed right and I didn't have to argue with anyone (in fact DS arrived the day after his - correctly calculated - due date. Going by LMP he'd have been officially 8 days late.).

In my previous pregnancy I'd had exactly the same thing - knew precisely when I'd conceived - but I gave them the right date for LMP and everyone I was dealing with patted me on the head and said I couldn't possibly know when I conceived, so all the dates were a week out. Didn't matter in the end as I had to terminate at 18 weeks for triploidy , but it was annoying not to be believed.

So if you're really confident about when you conceived, I wouldn't hesitate to give them a fake date for LMP, unless you know you're dealing with HCPs who'll believe you.

findanewname · 18/01/2011 21:17

I would (and did) say that I couldn't remember the date of my LMP, but that I knew the conception date as we only had sex once that month. They therefore dated me from 2 weeks prior to the conception date . No need to lie I don't think. Just don't give them your LMP date if you know it is not relevant.

MainlyMaynie · 18/01/2011 21:24

The midwife asked me for both when my LMP was and how long my cycle usually was and work it out on that basis, not just from the date of the LMP.

Secretwishescometrue · 18/01/2011 21:46

You know your body well from the sounds of it. I would follow your instinct. As said above they will usually go with the 12 week scan anyways so even if you say lmp was a week later then it was they will adjust according to scans if in fact your a week more pg then you think. You know your cycle, you know your body and you were actively ttc where as a lot of the patients being seen would not be in the same "know" as you and sadly some HCP don't always listen and do as someone said earlier pat on the head and say yes yes we know know and don't actually listen to you. I have the utmost respect for HCP and always do what they ask and always trust them 100% but iv a 28day cycle no problem, however it does make a difference to someone like you who will prob want a home birth again? And want to avoid induction. Trust yourself and best of luck oh and congrats!

MrsMooky · 19/02/2011 18:49

I'm really confused! My dating scan put me at 12 weeks and 6 days, but there is no way that that can be right; I assumed they were adding in time in the same way as the LMP calculation. I don't want to sound really stupid - is the dating scan supposed to actually 100% accurate, no adjustments?

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