Handy tips from you lovely mumsnetters.......

[lilly72]

Hi there...I am 4 months pregnant and mother already to a charming 2 year old little girl. I would really really appreciate some tips on how to cope in the first few weeks after the baby is born. I am having nightmares about how I am going to cope with a two year old and a hungry demanding newborn. I am going to breastfeed and my dd is already potty trained. I am happiest being organised and in a routine...so...any tips for those first few weeks so make it a little less like a nightmare? (Any advice appreciated ie...constant supply of DVDs...chocolate in a handy two year old dispenser!!!)

Does she go to nursery? Ds1 did and it was an absolute Godsend esp as it kept him in his usual routine whilst giving me time to sleep, establish breastfeeding etc.

Nursery is a good idea, worked very well for us.
A box full of little presents (stocking-filler-type) for when people visit and only bring something for the baby, and for rewards, distractions, or 'just because' has been very useful.
There are so many things that baby can't do/doesn't know how to do, that big sister can show her/teach her/do for her...unwrapping presents and demonstrating toys for example!
Never tell the older one to be quiet so that the baby can sleep!
Get no1 used to having you read to her while she sits next to you, rather than on your lap, and you'll be able to read to her while bfing.
Be prepared that your dd may have some wee or poo accidents.
Let no1 get used to being taken care of by daddy, especially mealtimes and evenings. Try also to get her used to playing by herself.
At first I found it impossible to get them both napping at the same time, and my day seemed to be get-one-up-and-put-one-down all the time. But when baby is napping then dd can have special mummy-time, so try not to use that time for 'jobs'. Now I've got them both napping together in the afternoon - so I can Mumsnet hooray!

HTH & Good luck

I am in the same situation lilly, dd will be 2.5 when the new baby is born in February. She isn't potty trained though yet and nursery is not an option (I can't afford private and preschool won't take her if she isn't dry.

Dh has a long commute to work each day too although he is hoping to take a week or 2 off so I will be on my own a lot. Any suggestions gratefully received!

I suggest Cbeebies on cable 7am -7pm. Lots of bribes and insisting that any visitors take your dd to the park for half an hour whether they like it or not. Although I haven't had my second baby yet these things also apply in late pregnancy. Oh and I've brought my ds lots of pairs of jogging bottoms instead of his usual tight button and zip combo jeans, so that he can try and dress himself and sort himself out on the toilet a little more. Well that was the plan but he just leaves trousers and pants in the bathroom and runs around starkers. Anyway good luck!

Hi, I know just how you feel. My DS was 22 months when my DD arrived 5 months ago. I was really worried and DS doesn't go to nursery. I made sure that for the first 3 weeks we had plenty of help - mum stayed and mother in law (slightly tricky but helpful) and DH had a week off. We kept DS in his usual routine, so DH took him to playgroup as usual and to birthday parties etc. We did find TV and vids. very useful when I was breastfeeding at first, although I have to say that DD has developed into a phenomenally fast feeder through necessity! Also, we never asked DS to kiss or cuddle DD unless he approached her and chose to. For the 1st 2 weeks he seemed pretty oblivious/disinterested. Interested now and agin but he was obviously weighing it up and taking it in. He did find her crying difficult and seemed to take it personally, so needed lots of reassurance that it wasn't his fault!! He has actaully been very affectionate to her. DS was lucky that lots of visitors made a big fuss ofhim and brought him pressies and his obssession with Thomas the Tank Engine was milked for all its worth!
Now DD is 5mos. and life is back to normal. I guess the main thing was to keep DS in his routine and for DD to fit into it.DS isn't potty trained so it sounds like you're way ahead of the game already! Good luck!

Oh Thanks for your messages...dd dosen't go to nursery as we cannot afford it and preschool won't take her until she is three...I do have some support from my parents who live locally, but it does have its drawbacks! I just cannot imagine how I am going to cope with breastfeeding the baby while dd will be shouting poo poo and needing her bottie wiped!?? Also what happens when the baby wakes at night and dd thinks it is is a good idea to also wake up and play......Hmmm...My dd does still sleep for 2 hours in the day and goes to bed every night at 7.00..at least that routine is set...for now!

I have to say it is MUCH easier in reality than when you pre-plan it.
IMO BF is easier than bottlefeeding becasue you have at least 1 hand/arm free for cuddling toddler, reading books. If toddler is having a tantrum ut doesn't matter which method of feeding you have chosen, you'll have to stop what you are doing to re-establish some "peace".
However I find toddlers are far more understanding and tolerant most of the time .... that's why I say the reality will be better than your worst fears + your DD will also be 5 months older and at that age it does make a difference. She has 5 months to learn to wipe her bum

And there is no reason for your routine to change that much !

I agree with pupuce, the reality is far easier than you imagine. I just tried not to think about it (dd1 was 2.9 when dd2 was born) too much while I was pregnant - basically, you are going to HAVE to cope...and you will! I was quite upfront with dd1, was very firm that I was feeding the baby and would NOT get up and get her a drink ("You will have to wait" - I still say this at least 50 times a day) or a biscuit, or get her a book etc. If she ever needed her bottom wiped I would take the baby off the breast and go and do it (I know only too well the horror of a pooey bottom wiped by a 2.5 year old). IMO its a good idea to have some sort of routine worked out - dd2 used to have a long lunchtime sleep which meant I could spend some one to one time with dd1 (even though all I wanted to do was sleep!).

Try and get some help wherever you can - with your second you don't often have a chance to sleep in the daytime while the baby is sleeping and its great if a friend can take dd1 out while you catch up on your zzzzs. Good luck!

Also, meant to say that neither of my two have ever woken each other up - even though dd1 has awful nightmares sometimes and stands directly outside dd2's bedroom screaming 'mummy' at the top of her voice...

My two rarely wake each other up and never at night. I never told ds that he would love the baby, nor ask him to do so now. I don't ask him to kiss her except when we're all exchanging goodnight kisses, and then it was always on her head, not face, until 6-7months. Now he often goes to her and kisses her spontaneously. When I told him about having a baby, we talked about how babies do a lot of crying, rather than about how much 'fun' it would be! I asked him what we could do to comfort her if she cried and he suggested that, as well as mummy soothing her, he would 'jump for the baby to make it happy'. So he did (oh so sweet!). He also suggested tickling her, which I agreed was a good idea, and we decided together that he would tickle her toes, and when he touched her he would use his soft fingers. All these suggestions of gentle behaviour have worked very well, and I do my best NEVER to tell him not to touch the baby. He sent me to Coventry for about 3 days when i returned from hospital, but then accepted dd adn me once again.

I'm worried too! - my dd will be just 21 months old when her sister / brother arrives. My husband leaves the house at 07.00 in the morning and usually returns after 20.00 so I am on my tod! I will be following some of the advice in this thread.

I have also told dh that we are getting both a gardener in and a cleaner once number 2 arrives, and hang the expense! The cleaning will work out pricey because we will have to use an agency (given that self employed Mrs Mops are like gold dust). However we will have to give up something else to afford it (like food for instance!)

Ha Ha...hang the expense and employ a live in Nanny!! If only....Thankyou for your words of wisdom..it is very reassuring to hear that it won't be as bad as I imagine. I bought a book called one sock three shoes and a hairbrush about having a second child...it honestly threw me into a panic as she is quite pessimistic about the first few years with 2 children under 5..Anyway nobody said it was easy but actually it cannot be as bad as 1st time around with the constant worrying about whether the baby is too hot...too cold.....ill...hungry..bored..thirsty!!!

Oh you still worry! But at least you know that you're worrying over nothing and that the baby will survive the night even if you forget something .

You will cope. I'm just about surviving .

Although dd1 has learned to say back to me 'I'm a bit busy at the moment'.