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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you tell older DC(s) that you were 'expecting?'

21 replies

lilysma · 10/01/2011 16:08

Just had dating scan and all was okay - they dated it at 13 weeks +1.

We haven't yet told DD (4) and are now wondering whether to tell her or wait a bit. DH is keen to wait a bit, preferably until the 20 week scan in case of problems, but I think I will find it hard, especially as I am already getting fatter bigger and DD has already noticed this ("your tummy is very fat Mummy, it looks silly" thanks darling! ). Also I want to tell a few people and don't want to have to be secretive or have it slip out so she hears it from someone else.

When did you tell your older DCs? Were you happy with that decision? Any thoughts welcomed...

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lunafire · 10/01/2011 16:48

I told DS (6 years old) the day I got the +ve test and told DH, which was around 5 weeks (I am now 21 weeks +6)

I also told him straight away about my previous pregnancy in 2008...so he would have been 4 then. Sadly I had a m/c with that pregnancy very early on. He was sad like we all were but took it very well.

We've had some quite serious but interesting chats during the first few weeks of this pregnancy about miscarriages and why they happen after he asked lots of questions. He's also learnt a lot about how babies are made . As it happened the week after I got the +ve we were in London so I made a point of going to the human biology section at Natural History museum and he loved it.

He is very involved with the pregnancy so far, been to all my appts and is very keen to stay at home with me and witness/be a part of the birth. It's been nice to have some practical help from him as well as my morning sickness and SPD have been fairly bad. Not sure how I could have explained me running off to the loo and throwing up every morning or not being able to walk very well otherwise....and tbh I wouldn't want to. Pregnancy is a normal part of life so I like that he's aware of it and involved. Every morning he comes in to our room to wake me up and kisses my belly and say hello to the baby

clarabella18 · 10/01/2011 17:01

Told my DS (8) after we'd had the first scan was almost 13 weeks. Personally I didn't think it was right for us to tell him before we knew everything was ok but every family is different. Alot will depend on bow mature your child is and you think they would cope if the worst was to happen.
My son was desperate for a baby brother or sister so the thought of telling him and then having to tell him it was not to be should it all go wrong was heartbreaking.
Since he has known he has been fantastic and came along to the 20 week scan last week.

cece · 10/01/2011 17:04

With our last DC we didn't tell the others till I was 22 weeks and had my second scan. I had had a previous second trimester mc so didn't want to upset them unecessarily this time in case it happened again.

We started to make it commonly known amongst others when I was 24 weeks.

I'm with Amanda Holden on this one.

nymphadora · 10/01/2011 17:39

We told my dds (10/8) that I was pg at 13.5 after the scan. We showed them a pic then dd2 read 'mummy laid an egg'

Original poster

lilysma · 10/01/2011 18:48

Thanks everyone - what's Amanda Holden's line??!!

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flowerfairy · 10/01/2011 19:14

We told ds 6 years old after we had been for our first scan which was 11+5. We had also waited until this point to tell our parents as we felt that it was unfair to expect them to keep this a secret from ds as he is often fully aware of adult conversations. It also meant we had the scan picture to say here is your baby brother or sister. We also felt that if anything did happen after this point, we would be upset, which he would be aware of too and would need to explain to ds why we were.

cece · 10/01/2011 19:29

She only just announced her pg and she is 6 months. Has kept it hidden up till now.

rasta · 10/01/2011 20:10

We told DD1 (4 at the time) and DD2 (2 at the time) when I was around 10 weeks.

As we had no one to look after them during my 12 week scan I wanted to prepare them for the appointment.

We told them that I was going to the hospital to "see if there was a baby in my tummy" rather than "were having a baby!" IYSWIM.

The 12 week scan went well (yay!) and they both really enjoyed the experience. We still kept it to ourselves for a further few weeks and went public at around 16 weeks when we all felt ready.

Although when I told DD2's pre-school staff they all said "We know, she told us weeks ago"

littleducks · 10/01/2011 20:13

I always announce around 6 mos

oh4goodnesssake · 10/01/2011 20:25

We told our DCs (6&8yrs) at 14 weeks after the scan and tests. Ideally I would have waited until after the 20 week scan but I had a bump already and was worried that others would guess and wanted them to be the first to know. We have the 20 week scan this week and I have told them that it's when we find out if the baby is growing OK and if there are any problems.

McGinger · 10/01/2011 20:36

I told DS after the first scan (around 12 weeks) we showed him the pictures and told him that it was his new little brother or sister who was growing inside mummys tummy.

He was only 2 at the time, but he understood and would talk to my tummy and kiss the baby night night.

We felt that if something was to happen after the 12 week mark it would be obvious to him and we felt it best to keep him involved.

tlise · 11/01/2011 10:21

We told all mine this time when we found out at 5 weeks. But did prepare them that sometimes things could happen as it was early days. But we didn't want to have to keep it quiet from everyone else, or tell others but not them.

now you are past the dangerous stage, I would say its as safe to tell her as any other time now :)

bitingfairy · 11/01/2011 12:39

I told my DD really early, about 7 weeks when we found out. Only because I had hyperemesis with her and expected it again (was right) I didn't want her to worry about me being seriously ill and hiding something when I couldn't get out of bed for weeks. It does seem a long wait though and she's glad it's near the end now (38 weeks)

EvaLongoria · 11/01/2011 13:08

We found out in July we were expecting and DD was about 2.8 yrs at the time. We were only about 6 weeks and we initially agreed not to tell her and wait until our 12 week scan when we tell the rest of the fam but because we decided not to tell anyone else DH really needed to tell someone and DD was that person.

I must say she is as excited as us and cant wait for the baby. Been very helpful and also understands that we have no idea what the sex is. One day her brother is in my tummy, the next its maybe a sister. I initially thought it was way too long for me as an adult to wait let alone her but she came to all the appointments and proud of the fact that she will be a big sister.

SMummyS · 11/01/2011 13:29

We're telling my DBD 5yrs old after my dating scan along with our families. I've had a few complications so want to make sure everything is going ok first :)

PixieOnaLeaf · 11/01/2011 13:42

This reply has been deleted

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Karoleann · 11/01/2011 14:05

We told ds1 (4) after my 12 week scan. we've told ds2 (2) but he doesn't really get it yet.

tel1 · 11/01/2011 16:35

I'm in my 40's so probably won't tell my 5 and 4 year olds, until all is confirmed (after scan or amnio if needed)
told them early last time, but then had mc.I told them the baby had fallen out, which they then told others at nursery...
I might just keep it quiet until its obvious and I don't mind strangers knowing, as I know they'll talk !

Original poster

lilysma · 11/01/2011 17:37

Thanks everyone, quite a range of strategies. I think I will struggle to wait until the 20 week scan and agree with others that it will be hard to hide if something happens now anyway, so I think I'll tell her soonish. I hope I'm not being too selfish!

OP posts:

tlise · 12/01/2011 20:17

Not selfish at all :) Plus it runs the risk of someone saying something.

I had a neighbours child run up to my DD tonight and announce to her "your mums having a baby" as though it would be news. Glad I had told her. I didn't think it would be so obvious as I am heavily overweight and its only now at 6 months you can tell if you know me. Just goes to show how people talk, although with this particular family, surprised she found out so late lol.

nicolamumof3 · 12/01/2011 20:42

i think anytime after the 12w mark is fine. I am super cautious and like to have my scan first. Tho my scan been delayed til monday by which time im 14wks! DH told our parents while i was lying in my sickbed AGAIN! at the weekend and told the dc's too. Tho i was really disappointed i'd wanted to tell the dc's but being glued to my bed for days on end my parents had to know.

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