Positive stories of shorter mat leave needed :)

[Kitty81]

Hi;

Basically I am 27 wks, and a teacher, due to go on ML in March.

We moved to where we live now for my job shortly after we were married 18 months ago, and DH has been struggling to find work. I make good enough money for us to get by, so we decided DH could take some time to try out his dream of a writing career. It's progressing slowly, as expected, but then I fell pg. It was a bit unexpected as I was told by a consultant in Jan that I couldn't get pg naturally, but fell anyway in June/July, literally weeks after deciding to stop using contraception as what was the point . We are thrilled, and decided that DH would go back to work while I was on ML, then would be a sahd when I went back to work.

Jobs are pretty scarce, he got some teaching work but at the end of the contract it wasn't extended as we hoped, we just found out. I only have 9 weeks left until I go on leave and we are getting a bit nervous that he won't find work in time, and not for want of trying. I did some maths last night and worked out that I could go back to work in mid Sept and our income wouldn't suffer. I am happy to do this, DH would be a wonderful sahd to our little boy and in theory it's for the best, I am just a little worried about how I will feel about working when he is so little, and how this will affect things like breastfeeding etc.

I'd love to hear some positive stories of women who've gone back to work when their babies are under a year old, of sahd's in general... I think I just need to hear that if DH can't get work and I go back early, that it will be ok? Help!

Thank you :)

due to ML rules at the time I went back to work when

dd1 = 9 weeks
dd2 = 4 months
dd3 = 6 months
dd4 = 4 months

All part time roles though and used a childminder.

I can honestly say 4 months and 6 months was fine, dds were too young to have seperation anxiety.

All the SAHD's that I personally know have been great - from a dc's point of view I don't think it particularly matters which parent looks after them?

Hey Kitty,

I'm 29 weeks and also a teacher. I'm also going on mat leave in 9 weeks (when I get to 38 weeks). I'm also the main earner in our house, and weirdly we've also been married a similar time! (and if 81 is your year of birth, we're the same age!)

Our plan is that I'll finish work mid-march and have my official return to work set as the 1st day of summer hol/last day of term, so that I can get full pay over the holidays (which co-incides in the SMT only part which we couldn't live on). So I'll be going back to work full time in september.

DH works in retail, and so already works weekends. He'll have LO 2 days during the week, and LO will be in nursery/childminder the other 3 days.

There's not really any other option for us. We've just bought our first house, and need to pay the mortgage. DH's income stretches as far as his half of bills, but no further (and I don't hold this against him, it means we can live in a decent house in a nice part of the world). I should be earning enough (god bless the teachers pay scales, and being suitably near the bottom!) to pay for nursery fees & any other baby related stuff.

A colleague is 5 weeks behind me (and much further on in her teaching career, i.e. bigger income) and her DH is going to be a full time SAHD when she returns to work full-time, also in September.

The lady who teaches in the lab next to mine has 2 small boys (~3 and 5 I think), and she's worked full time since they could go to nursery - I'll find out how old they were when they started.

Like me, she has very little choice. We have to do it, so there's no point even considering any options.

It'd be nice to be able to stay home with LO until he's 3 or 4, but realistically, it'll be nicer to not be homeless!

So I can't reassure you, I'm afraid. But you're not on your own in this situation! I'll be looking forward to seeing other peoples experiences too!

I went back to work when all my babies were 4 to 5 months old. It was fine.
With number 1 we had ft childcare which I found harder than numbers 2 and 3 as by then my husband's work shifts meant he could do a couple of days SAHD work a week.
I introduced expressed milk bottles from a couple of weeks and then mixed fed after 3 months in various quanties until all were about a year.
You can express at work once a day (or more) but it depends how you find expressing - some find it easy others hard. I didn't express with number 2 but still bf for 9months (5 months post return). I did express for numbers 1 and 3
Good luck, I'm sure it will be fine (oh and good timing - summers off are great!)

Hi Kitty,

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm a teacher too and have taken pretty short maternity leave as DH has taken the SAH role on.
With DD1 I went back to work when she was nine months old and DH looked after her and I taught full time, as DH couldn't find a job at the time.

DS was born in jan 07 and I went back to work July 07 ( a few weeks before the school holidays so I could get paid over the summer)

It hasn't been a problem for me really. I was worried when I went back after having DS, but slotted back in fine and didn't really have time to miss him. It was also really reassuring to know he was at home being looked after by his Dad. I think I would have felt differently (more anxious?) if he'd had to be in a nursery.

DH is a good SAHD and where we live its not uncommon, so he's not alone! He's got into the usual round of playgroups and parks over the last few years so has other parent friends etc. DH does get a bit bored by the monotony of it sometimes. But it works out ok. We share tasks, he does most of the cleaning and washing, I shop and cook...we kind of figured this out as we went along and are both happy with it.

DH does work part time though at weekends and he is doing an MA two nights a week. So we are often quite knackered, but school holidays are when we make up for it and get to spend more time together.

I am due with DC3 today and am planning to be on maternity leave until the end of May this time. DH will have been a SAHD for nearly four years by then, so we are going to swap and I am going to quit my teaching job and work the obligatory 13 weeks to qualify my mat pay.

DD and DS are both happy to be with either of us and are not clingy in the slightest, as Cargirl says, seperation anxiety has not been a problem. I think we both really respect what each other does in a day too, if that makes sense?! In fact I am feeling a bit nervous about becoming a SAHM!

Thanks for prompt replies :)

Hi Peta: yep, 81. If you live in Sussex: are we in fact the same person? :)

I will also be 38 weeks when I go off, edd is April 11th. I've been off most of the pg so far with hyperemesis, have just gone back this week.

My plan was similar, to take maternity until the end of July then take holiday over the summer, and go back in Sept. That's hoping that hr will let me do that. DH teaches the same as me so will be able to help me do my prep over the summer and of course if he's not working then we will both be at home. I'm just trying to convince myself it's manageable, I guess, I teach FE at a sixth form centre so my hours are pretty flexible, and my boss is great about me taking remission at home, so I really only go in 4 days a week as is. I love my job so much and the thought of a mat cover stranger in the department which I built from ruins is making me quite stressed, and some part of me thinks it will be so good for DH and his son to be at home. What a lovely bond they will have :) I am literally minutes from work too so having lunch at home might mean I could continue to bf or mixed feed or something. Thank you for your reply, it helps to know others are in the same situation, if that makes sense. How have you been coping with teaching while pg? I've just gone back after sick leave and I'm exhausted!

When I had my first, paid maternity leave was only 18 weeks. Many of us who returned to work did so then.

We're fine; you'll be fine, your DC will be fine!

This is more common than I thought. My bad mother fears are being allayed, thanks so much.

Hackney: I can see what you mean about not having time to miss him! And my hours are pretty good so it should be manageable: glad to hear it has been ok for you and that you get to swap. I feel ok knowing it is dh at home; I'm not sure I would be so happy if ds was going to childcare, but if I didn't have a choice then I would manage it.

Yesmaam; I have thought about expressing at work; god knows where I'd find time/peace/privacy at my place ha ha but it's an idea :) and I suppose he won't be far off weaning? This is my first so im a bit clueless as to how I'm going to find it all, I intend to ebf for as long as possible but let's see how it goes, eh.

Gosh it's stressful all this, isn't it :)

It looks like our situation is not uncommon. I also am a teacher, the main earner, due in March and am early in my career so money is tight due. My OH was also unemployed for a full year last year as there was just no work. He has been working since last January though so we're not as badly off as we were.

Like most teachers on here I did the maths and worked out that having my official return date in September was a bad idea. I have mine as the week before school closes as I really can't afford to live on SMP. It just doesn't cover barely any of the bills. My OH wages pay the rent and the council tax, everything else is up to me to cover. I am fortunate that my OH works opposite shifts than me, I'm out of the house from 8am till 4pm Mon-Fri and he's out of the house from 2:30pm till 4am Wed-Sun. So we both work full time and need to find childcare for an hour and a half for 3 days a week. Hardly ideal, we are going to be working ourselves into the ground doing this as we will never really get any time "off". Like you though we have little choice in the matter really. It is about surviving the best you can and providing the best for our daughter. I'm hoping that by the time she is old enough to be aware of what is going on it won't be quite so hard.

You'll be fine, as I will and so will our LOs. :)

Kitty I'm in Devon, so perhaps we're not the same person! It is a weird set of coincidences though!

Hypermemesis is awful, well done for surviving it! I felt terrible over the summer hols, but was never actually sick. Though that was enough for me to wonder why anyone ever does this!

I was super tired during the first half term back, and as a result I'm massively behind with marking (should be marking now, really ). Second half term till now has been ok, all though I think I've been an emotional nightmare!

I'm just starting to get achey and tired again now, but spring is coming, and I'm counting down to leave, so it's not so bad!

The kids and my colleagues have been amazing! DH has been wonderful (he looked after me when I felt rough, even when he was working and I wasn't, I'm not sure I'd have the patience. What a legend!). I think all these things will make going back to work a little smoother (even if Mr Gove is slowly destroying all our will to work).

Although I'm just taking things one step at a time for now. I did the calculations as soon as we found out I was pg, so I know we can afford to concentrate on 'now' for the time being. We'll see what september brings!

1Catherine1 It is hard not seeing much of each other, but I think you're right. The babies won't be aware of this, and our situations will improve in time.

And since we are teachers, we are fortunate to get half terms and holidays (which other full timers wouldn't).

hmm.. you know if you live commutable to Hampshire your husband can have my job for my maternity leave :)

I live on the corner of Surrey, West Sussex and Hampshire and nobody seems to want my job. 8 teaching weeks left and still nobody to cover my post for my ML :( Don't suppose he specializes in secondary maths?

With DC2 I went back when the baby was 7 weeks, so I did a good few days of July. My DH's working patterns meant that he could bring the baby to be fed at lunchtime.
Personally, I think it's a bit rude going back the first day of the summer holiday, always think it's better to go at least a few days before that.
DC2 is the easiest going of all my children.

I don't think it's that rude. It's perfectly acceptable & legal.

And I'm not talented to have planned the timing that well, before anyone says it!

Anyway, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I haven't had a baby before so all my ideas & opinions could be utter cr*p!

Don't worry about things like feeding - it will all sort its self out! You are right by 6months baby may be weaning and bf fewer and far between.
But...if you go back and you do want/need to express your work have to provide you with private facilities and a safe storage place for milk.
I love the fact that my children spend as much time if not more with their dad than me - so different to how my husband and I were brought up as children

I'm watching the replies with interest (and a bit of relief) as although not even pregnant at the moment, I know I will have to have a relatively short mat leave when the times comes ( hope soon)

Out of nosiness, Hackney, what's you partner going to do when you swap roles?

im a teacher too, and the mainbread winner. i have just had dc3 and will be returning to work when he is 7mo, roughly the same as the other two. dh is selfemployed, so some weeks he works fulltime and other weeks he doesn't work at all, so the key for us is having pretty flexible childcare. dh is a great sahd on the days he's not working, does the whole toddler group, park, softplay things and has developed a really good bond with our kids, that i'm not sure he would have had if he'd not been the primary carer for a while. none of my kids do the whole ' i want mummy to do...' thing and think they feel very 'equally' parented if that makes any sense. slight word of warning though is that my dh does sometimes get quite down when he is not earning and money is tight, because he isn't fulfilling the 'traditional' role. like someone else has already said you both need to respect what the other person is doing during the day. but in answer to your question it is possible, they don't really get seperation anxiety at this age, but do expect to be a bit upset for the first week or so. it hurt me more than the kids, and if anything dc1 really flourished after i went back to work.
finally, I bf all my children until over a year, and returning to work did not hinder this at all, and since dc1 & 2 were bottle refusers I just did lots of feeding morning and evening, and it was fine for us.
anyway, feel I am starting to ramble . good luck.

hi kitty81 im 40weeks+6 and due to the fact i own my own business {hair salon} and cant afford to get a replacement for myself i didnt go on mat leave till christmas eve {baby was due 3rd jan} and have to go back to work when baby is 4 weeks old. my other half has just set up his own business due to losing his job due to the recession before i got pregnant . unfortunately he cant take any wages at present because he has to build the business up. so were really struggling at the moment. but were sure things will sort themselves.times are hard for a lot of people but as long as you work together it will all work

Folic, DH is a lecturer and also works in Human Rights.... so work is often sporadic and craply paid! We previously worked abroad and are fed up of being skint in London so are planning to leave the uk again in the summer. DH's work is often better paid and on a longer contract abroad.

Dotty your situation sounds similar to mine...apart from I am sitting here waiting for DC3 to arrive. Any tips for coping with 3DC? I am getting slightly nervous!

Hackney, fab that you can swap roles and also have an adventure abroad. :)

Oh God, you'll all be fine, I took 6 months of with dd1 (she is now 5), went back to work before she was 5 months old (had taken 6 weeks off before edd due to physicality of job) I worked 25 hours a week over 5 days. Her grannies had her 3 times a week (I'm very lucky), she went to daycare one day a week and my husband swapped his days at work so he had a weekday off and worked a weekend day instead. Sorry can't help re bf, I ff but dd1 and husband used to have fab days, always seemed to start with breakfast in Tescos or McDs

NonnoMum I don't think it is fair to say that to go back on the first day of the summer holidays is rude. It is exactly the same as other people in other professions using their annual leave at the start or at the end of their maternity leave to stretch it out a bit. A perfectly acceptable thing to do and something most woman in other sectors are advised to do. I only wished my cycle would have allowed me to time it so cleverly that my maternity pay ran out at the end of term not the week before.

Petalouda I tried to time it I even told the OH that if we didn't conceive that month then we were going to hold out for a while and see if we could time it for a September baby instead :) There was no way I was having reduced summer pay!

Thanks Cath!

In July DH and I talked about starting TTC in January. And here I am at 29 weeks already!